2 DC, 2 different needs

[RibenaMonsoon]

I'm sorry, this is really me just asking for a handhold. Plus I'm sure other families have it far worse off than me.

DD (6 months) has been up since 4am 2 days running. Waking up every hour. She's teething several teeth at once and I've tried all methods to try to relieve the pain.

Meanwhile DS (3) has been up periodically throughout the night scratching his excema and asking for his nursery friends.

We are moving his nursery as his current one is a massive trek which I just can't do now we have DD and I don't drive. I think the flurry of Christmas and the fact he's moving nurseries on Monday is having an impact on him as suddenly he's just a different child. Lots of tantrums, doing things he knows he's not allowed to do and getting into more tantrums when he's pulled up on it. Meanwhile DD is screaming for constant cuddles which I can't give her without ignoring DS needs as well. I'm trying to be in 2 places at once.

I had no idea it would be so stressful with 2 children. They both have completely different needs and it's just constant.
DS is a sweetheart usually. He's acting up and it's because of the changes in his routine due to Christmas and the fact he knows he's moving nursery. I've sat him down, given him cuddles and explained what's going on and that everything's going to be okay

DH runs himself ragged trying to help when he's home but we've just started a new business so he can't take too much time off but he's amazing when he's home. He's even coming home early today so I can have some time to get my hair cut. It's been a looooooong time and my split ends are horrendous. He's amazing.

I know I'm so lucky to have the things I have and feel so guilty when I get upset with the stress of it all. I have 2 beautiful children. Its just such a hard time right now and with 4 hours sleep a night it's a constant headache.

I'm sorry for the rant. I know there are people that have it far worse off than me. I just am really trying not to break with the stress of being on call for 2 screaming little people 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

Any coping strategies that anyone has to share would be really appreciated.

I’m struggling with this at the moment with mine. The baby is teething after a period of sickness and the sleep deprivation is breaking me. The 3 year old’s needs are much more complex and I feel she’s just not getting as much time and we’re overusing tv. I’m just hoping it gets easier.

I have a 3 year old and a 5 month old who doesn't like being put down. I've usually got her in the sling so shes close to me. 2 are really tough!

Not much advice but I have three children and all I can say is every time I’ve been at the end of my tether and wondered how much longer I can cope it has got better. There have been many very difficult phases over the years but they all turn out to be just that, a phase. Hard to see when you’re going through it I know! Good luck and hope it gets better soon.

Chuck baby in a sling/carrier and lots of floor playing/distraction for DS?

I remember these days...I drank a lot of coffee and wine 😬

As naff as it sounds, it is a phase and it will pass. The teething will pass, its generally short lived blasts of misery.

And once you settle into a new nursery your 3 year old will get better. Christmas totally breaks my kids - it goes on so long, it's a string of parties and junk food, and they're high as kites.

I find that maintaining routine helps, and picking my battles. If an hour of mindless TV buys some peace then it's a winner. Fresh air always seems to help too.

I don't have any magical advice I'm afraid, just a lot of sympathy. It does get better!

I've got a sling, DD screams blue murder whenever she's in it. You'd think she would love it since she wants to be constantly held.
DS is your typical boy with bags of energy. He won't sit still for long. I must admit I've overused TV alot since DD was born. She's EBF as well at least that will ease off little by little now she's started solids. EBF has been stressful for me with DD as DS is so demanding.

DS has demanded a bath as his excema is hurting. I've put him in there with some toys and am feeding DD in there, she's trying to sleep but DS is kicking off as his excema hasn't magically stopped itching.
They both need a cuddle. And I need a cup of tea.

I'm sorry you are all struggling too. It sucks. Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone.

I have a 2 year old and a 10 week old. 10 week old will only sleep if shes being held pretty much. 2 year old is into everything and has just discovered the art of the tantrum. Normally dh and I share the load as much as possible but dh has been down with the flu (very nasty, hes been really unwell) since new years day so I've been looking after him as well. I'm exhausted. The house is a tip. The 2 year old will be up any minute and I just want to cry because I've had 3 hours sleep. I'm also desperate for a shower, I didn't get chance yesterday so I feel grim. This too shall pass I'm sure but it feels like hell right now.

I’ve got a 9 month old who has just started teething and a just turned 3 year old. The 3 year old has been unsettled over Xmas and turned into tantrum central. I’m back at work next week and to be honest I’m looking forward to some time away from them both!

The dark tunnel of multiple children under 5 during the winter. It just feels like a never ending round of whining, illness, sleeplessness and cabin fever. Christmas can feel like a mountain to climb; trying to amuse small children when everything is shut and the weather poor. I’ve got a 4 and 5 year old and I’ve just asked my partner to take the baby out for a walk in his pushchair for a bit of peace. It does get easier as they get older, they can amuse themselves a bit more. (And sleep better).

That sounded very negative, I just mean this a hard time of year and dealing with children when you’re tired and there’s little to do, is the epitome of draining.

Is your ds eczema linked to dairy? It is often the cause, but not always. I had to cut it out for ds2 and his eczema cleared up. After, it cleared up we tried goats milk and he’s been fine with it.

Is your dd happy in a buggy? Try to get out every day for a bit if you can. Some fresh air and a runaround in a park can do everyone a world of good.

It gets better. This is the hardest bit.

Looking back I remember those bits. But I equally remember coming into their room in the morning and finding ds (2) and dd (6) tucked up together because he'd had a nightmare and headed for the nearest place of safety and comfort. I remember them dancing round the room together while I slumped on the sofa with a cup of coffee. I remember big sister's joy and pride when little brother one day had learned to sit upright. I remember little brother's delight in feeding big sister with a spoon. I remember seeing dd (13?) steer ds (10?) into Woolworths with a firm grip round the back of his neck so that mummy would get a Mother's Day present. I remember finding out long afterwards how one of them was able to find support in a dark place by talking to the other.

Hang in there, OP, with a bit of luck there are better times ahead.

Yes I'll do that in a moment. There's a park just down the road so I'll bundle them up and take them. DD is hit and miss in the buggy but she loves the swings so she's sorted either way. I hope its not too boring for DS as we've been down there twice this week already.

The excema is inherited. DH has bad scoriazis as an adult. I did try cutting out dairy at one point to ease it but it didn't help. DS has got loads of bath oil and creams prescribed that keep it under control. Stress brings it out alot in him bless him.

I have a 3 year old and a 10 month old and the last month has been horrible since the 10 month old started crawling. 3 year old absolutely hates that the younger one can touch his things now and little one just wants to be involved with the big one. I've had hitting, shoving, pushing and tantrums galore plus Christmas and a birthday. It's definitely very hard with two who have vastly different needs, but I just keep telling myself it will get better, hopefully. My younger one still sleeps terribly as well and he's teething. Hang in there ☕️

Interesting thing with the dairy @Charles11 from when I was little (think toddler days) I used to refuse milk (I can eat cheese without issue) and when older I had quite bad ezcema - I wonder if on a subconcious level even back then I knew it made me hurt

Oranges also set me off - if I'm in the same room as someone peeling an orange my hands start itching (weirdly I can eat satsumas etc)

Aloe Vera helped a lot with my ezcema (both gel to cool it and some of the juice to drink (but it does taste vile so not sure you'd get a 3 year old to take it)

Hopefully once he gets to like and know the new nursery it will be better, both for you and for him - as it sounds like the ezcema is very stress connected

You said the baby doesn't like the sling, it may be worth going to a sling library as she may be happy with a different type for you to try - otherwise I used to do a lot with the older kids one handed as would have the baby in the other arm/on the hip (had 3 in 3 years 1 month - it is hard but you get through it)

@corythatwas your post made me well up! You paint a really lovely picture, thank you for a bit of hope and positivity. It is hard work definitely, but already dd saves her biggest smiles for her big brother, she lights up every time she sees him. Long may that continue.