I've changed my username for this, as it could be identifying, but I have been around for a long time and have posted about similar issues before.
This will be long, hopefully not too long, but please help.
I have a DS who is 9, 10 this year. He has had a mixed settled and unsettled start to life - a very constant settled experience with me, an unsettled one with his dad who wasn't around when he was younger but is more so now (has a very involved and devoted grandmother and DS stayed there to see 'dad' but dad fucked off and he spent his time with grandmother). He was the youngest child on both sides, and only grandchild, so became used to being number 1, so to speak. My parents helped (still help) a lot with DS (I was a young parent) and we stayed with them. This allowed me to study at university and work multiple jobs to provide for him.
Met now DH and we moved in together, with DS, and have gone on to marry and have a child who is now a toddler.
Since he was very young DS9 has always had 'issues', for lack of a better word. I'm exhausted at this point.
- Severe temper tantrums to the point that he was sick and carried on.
- sensory food issues.
- sensory clothing/footwear issues
- personal boundary issues
- very blunt and black and white
- horrific sleeping pattern/getting to sleep is a nightmare.
- fabrications constantly.
- fixates on bizzare subjects (rollercoasters was one thing, currencies another)
I know this all rings bells for certain disorders and I approached the GP. They told me that there was nothing to investigate due to him coping in school. He likes(ed) school, is performing well.
As he has grown is has become worse. The tempers are worse. The clothing issues are worse. The sleeping issues and fabrications. All have become almost unbearable.
He has school refused a few times now and, with my support, attends a nurture class as he is now struggling socially. He has hurt another child in temper. During one episode of school refusal he threatened to hurt himself, to push adults down the stairs, made himself sick and much more.
Again we went to the GP and they wrote to camhs and they replied saying his behaviour was "within the realms of normal". It isn't. It really isn't.
Sleep is one area where we have big issues. We attended a sleep clinic and they diagnosed it as control issues as it only happens with me. No one else took it seriously.
For years DS would only sleep if you sat beside the bed until he slept and every time he woke I had to return to that spot. Then it progressed to sitting in the hall. Then to sitting in our bedroom (which is where we are at now).
If he doesn't get his own way he ends up in an uncontrollable rage. Throwing things across the room, violently panting and breathing, screaming at the top of his lungs, lashing out, saying hurtful things, making threats to hurt himself and others, crying hysterically, being sick. He cannot calm down, every time he does it kicks off again.
Although he is only 9 DS is over 4ft8 and built like a rugby player. You cannot lift him and put him in his room.
Last night was one of those nights. It went on for almost 4 hours. 4 hours of relentless screaming, crying, threats. 4 hours of being told he hated us and wished we were dead. He woke up and terrified his brother.
We also live in a semi. He woke the neighbours and their toddler. I spoke to them today and apologised profusely. They've heard him before and, like the saints they are, haven't said a negative word but have been really understanding. Last night he also started to square up to DH and actually tried to punch him twice.
We are all mentally and physically exhausted today.
Tonight he started again. I can't take anymore. DH can't take anymore. It isn't fair on toddler DS to be terrified again. It isn't fair on my neighbours.
I asked my dad to come and take him to sleep at theirs. DS went quietly but didn't speak to me on the way out. He didn't think I would do it and it seemed to shock him in to regulating his emotions.
I now feel awful. He is safe. He is with people he loves and who love him. I think I did the best for everyone else but have I let him down?
Wibu for asking for this respite for him and for us? Should I have stuck it out?
Also where else do I go from here? His behaviour isn't "within the realms of normal" but no one will listen.