by being angry at my friend’s actions

[BrummyMum1]

An acquaintance of mine recently had a breakdown after separating from her husband a year ago and has temporarily lost custody of her 3 children. Her ex-husband has been looking after the children and one of my best friends (who’s childless) has stepped in to help with the children (both these women were very good friends).

Fast forward a couple of months and my best friend is now sleeping with this woman’s ex-husband and is convinced he’s “the one”. They’ve told the children and their mother - all who are understandably shocked.

Now this situation is absolutely none of my business but my best friend has been contacting me seeking reassurance that what she’s done isn’t awful.

I think it is awful. The worst part for me (as a mother myself) is the criticism she has unleashed on this poor woman’s parenting skills along with the suggestion she’d be a better mother herself. Also, I can only begin to imagine the devastation the mother is feeling that my best friend continues to see the children while she’s not well enough to freely see them herself.

I don’t want to loose her as a friend but I can’t seem to put aside her actions and continue being friendly towards her. AIBU feeling angry when her actions haven’t directly affected me?

I would completely cut contact with your best friend and never talk to her ever again, she needs to know what she has done is completely unacceptable and that their are consequences for her actions such as loosing your friendship

I'd find it difficult to be bothered by two single people getting together. It's been over a year.
Creating drama where there needn't be any is probably worse.

It's been over a year. They are no longer together. Do you expect the husband to stay celibate because his ex took a breakdown? Think you are looking for gossip.

Personally I'd be wondering how nice a catch he actually is.
3 children together
So is the mental health crisis new or progressive
Did he play a role In it
If not, is he supporting the mother of his children through it generally the answer is no if he's shagging her friend
I saw a supportive neighbour move in with her friends widow 57 days after her funeral
I've seen a friend suffer genuine emotional abuse that mentally broke her down
I come at this as a sceptic

This is horrendous for the estranged mum. You should not be facilitating this in anyway.

Walk away from this "best friend". She's no friend to anyone but herself. Poor poor kids, not going to end well. Especially with the new step mum slagging off their real mum.

Vile creature.

Oh that's nasty.
Are you friends with the mother as well? I'd stay friends with her rather than your "friend" - she's done a bad thing and I would have trouble staying friends with her after that.

Disgusting behaviour from your friend. And she clearly was no friend of the actual mothers was she! What a bitch! I’d definitely distance myself.

It sounds like a tawdry mess, but your AIBU was actually about your friend, the new partner, seeking your assurance that you approved when you're not at all sure you do, are you?

I'd be treading cautiously and telling her it's not your place to judge anyone's behaviour and possibly that you think the children's welfare should always come first, assuming you do think that.

It will be a worse mess if they don't last...

I would never get with my friends ex its jsut something you dont do-let alone slag her off what sort of person is she

Agree that it's possible this guy played a role in his ex's breakdown.

It must be so hard to be so distressed that you're unable to live with your children.

I feel your friend is possibly complicit in maintaining the current situation where the mum stays distressed and is further separated from her children. Eg by undermining her parenting abilities, by supporting this guy with the children instead of letting him work out if he can cope.

And they shouldn't have told the children about their relationship so early.

It's likely he's dreadful and I would not want to be friends with someone enabling dreadful behaviour.

But if the mum had spent 3 years doing smack in her bedroom while the kids were trapped in a cot or something, it would be worth sharing that.

He’s a single guy now and has no loyalty to anyone and probably angry at his ex in some way and probably pleased for the help with the kids and it’s easy to slot into acting like a family unit Again . Your friend still has loyalty towards her friend but has started seeing her ex . She’s definitely the one who’s crossed the line in my opinion .

Your best friend was very good friends with the lady who had the breakdown then slept with her husband when helping with the dc?
Have I got that right op?
If so then your friend is out of order,you don't do this to your friends.she could have helped the ill lady with seeing the dc and stayed out of it.yes they are separated and yes he is equally responsible but she was this woman's best friend and has very much crossed a line.
I would not trust her.

If the Dad was going out with a woman outside the friendship circle then that would be fine.

The mum has been betrayed by the friend and her new role is probably prolonging her recovery from mental illness and the children being away from their mum

The friend wasn't wrong to help with the kids (I'll take you word that there was no ulterior motive) but when friendship turned to romance, she has the choice to leave but chose to stay. The fact that she has asked for reassurance shows she must know it's morally ambiguous

The stuff about being a better mother is despicable. She's been a stepmother for 2 months tops and barely knows the man and if he played a part in the mum's breakdown. She's playing a risky game with the kids mental health too. She's gone from friend to stepmum and if this relationship fails then that will be another mother figure gone

She's not 100% responsible for this mess but she's at least 50% responsible for this continuing