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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL advice for dummy and thumb sucking

19 replies

Namechange454 · 03/01/2020 20:43

DS is 4.5 and we have been trying to get him off the dummy, I know we left it far too late but that's something else completely. In short, we had a failed attempt to get rid of it at Christmas, and we ended up giving it back. We told MIL about this, just in general conversation, and we said we'd try again soon.

So anyway, we saw her a few times over the festive period with nothing much to note. But on new year's day when we saw her, she told DS that he was a big boy now, and it was time to put the dummy in the bin, and instead he should suck his thumb.

Even though this advice is undoubtedly coming from a good place, and I appreciate the effort, I thought that it was a terrible idea. Surely this is just replacing one habit, with a slightly less orthodontically acceptable one? AIBU to ignore/discourage her advice completely?

OP posts:

Fatted · 03/01/2020 20:48

Your MIL is an idiot.

That being said, I do think you need to get tougher now on the whole dummy issue. Luckily, my eldest's first teeth fell out when we were getting rid of the youngest's dummy, so tooth fairy took the dummy in our house. They both got a present from the tooth fairy then. Could you try something like that?

Oysterbabe · 03/01/2020 20:51

Yanbu but I doubt that would work anyway, sucking a thumb and sucking a dummy are too different.
He's 4.5, seriously just bin them.

DontFundHate · 03/01/2020 20:55

Desperate times I guess. You just need to bin them, they are so damaging for teeth and speech by this age

FesteredFairy · 03/01/2020 20:56

Firstly, bin the dummies. I never understand why these have ever been a thing.
There is nothing wrong with thumb-sucking, it is a comfort thing. Unless your child is massively stressed there should not be any repercussions, physically.
Just make sure that the thumb-sucking happens at bed-time as a comfort. If it starts during any other time, be aware of other "insecurity" issues.

Serenschintte · 03/01/2020 21:02

Dc 1 the dummy fairy came and swapped the dummies for a gift of a sizable and much wanted mature.
Dc2. He agreed to give the dummy to the ducks at the Park (he was much more verbal than Dc1) and they would give it to the baby ducks who needed it. This worked quite well until we went back to the Park and he threw stones at the ducks for stealing his dummies. But by then the habit was broken
So two options there!
We were major users. Dc1 would have 6 dummies scattered around his cot/bed. So if he woke and wanted one he would just feel around for another

Rollonspringtime2020 · 03/01/2020 21:04

Dd had her dummy for bed until 7!!
Perfect adult teeth and no speech issues.
I sucked my thumb til 30 's.
Just spent £££ on braces at 48..

PonderTweek · 03/01/2020 21:08

This is very topical as we were due to get rid of our son's dummy tomorrow - however, he just happened to drop his dummy into the toilet this evening! As I chucked out all spare dummies earlier today, he's having to go without a bit sooner than we thought. He's still up whinging about it and I just heard my husband tell him to suck his thumb instead. I was about to go in but thought I'd leave it. I think if you're used to a dummy a thumb probably isn't going to cut it, here's hoping anyway.

I think at this age (3 years) any sort of constant sucking is probably not great for the teeth, so I can understand why the thumb advice doesn't sound that good. A thumb is probably harder to quit than a dummy too!

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 03/01/2020 22:24

All 3 of my DC suck their thumbs, as did I, and my mum! I have just spent £££ out for a brace for myself because of my overbite due to thumb sucking. It’s near impossible to get them to stop as they get older so isn’t something I’d encourage starting at that age....

MrsPeacockDidIt · 03/01/2020 22:29

I had braces as a child and two lots as an adult, the final ones costing me an awful lot of money, all to try and fix the damage caused by thumb sucking. As well as a permanent retainer glued to the back of my teeth I have to wear plastic retainers every night too as all my teeth want to do is move back. I gave my DS a dummy. He gave it up just after he started school with no problem, he was ready.

bluebluezoo · 03/01/2020 22:33

I never understand this logic. Thumb sucking fine, but dummies not? And how do you plan to make sure thumb sucking only happens at bedtime? Or break the habit before 5? It’a not like you can prevent them thumb sucking by simply removing the thumb...

That’s why dummies are “a thing”. Much easier to limit/remove and an easier habit to break as you just take them away...

One of mine actually did start thumb sucking when we tried to take the dummy away. So we let her have it when she wanted rather than start up a more permanent habit. In the end we gave her control- collected all her dummies together, gave them to her and said she had to look after them. She lost them all within a week and that was that 😂

Original poster

Namechange454 · 03/01/2020 23:54

We are planning on removing the dummy, and quite soon, but my post was more about replacing it with the thumb, that bothered me.

OP posts:

Original poster

Namechange454 · 03/01/2020 23:59

Rollon I know my cousin had one till she was 8, he teeth haven't been affected either. Unfortunately this isn't the case with DS, but surely the thumb is even more damaging.

Oysterbabe I hope your right, otherwise I'll need to tackle the thumb next

OP posts:

Hotpinkangel19 · 04/01/2020 00:04

Don't introduce the thumb! I'm 36 and still suck mine!

KellyHall · 04/01/2020 00:05

One friend got her daughter to leave her dummies under her pillow, for the dummy fairy to exchange for small gifts.

Another got her daughter to pack up her dummies and give them to the hospital for the new babies (not that they were actually given to the babies, but she's not to know that!)

My dd gave up her dummy by choice thankfully but she does still go back to her teething rings occasionally because they still like that stimulus for a number of years so I'd still provide something.

PPopsicle · 04/01/2020 00:07

Honestly, how have you had a ‘failed’ attempt at removing the dummy?
You take them away. You bin them. You have to put up with a crying/moaning child for a few day. By day 8 they are coping fine without dummy.
How can you fail at this?
Seriously, 4.5 and you need to question the serious impact on speech and teeth.

I don’t mean this to sound patronising, but you just need to bin them

Cherrysoup · 04/01/2020 00:35

There is nothing wrong with thumb-sucking, it is a comfort thing.

God, just no. Cost me over £2K to sort out braces/serious overbite in my 30s. I broke the habit by wearing scratchy woollen gloves in bed. The orthodontist was talking about breaking my jaw to completely get rid of the overbite. I still have a tiny overbite, lots better, but the cost and time were huge. Definitely don’t replace the dummy with a thumb. Your mil is bonkers and shouldn’t be telling you or your child this. It is not her business.

fizzandchips · 04/01/2020 00:35

DD1 was a very ‘sucky’ baby. HV said she’d find her thumb. Dentist friend insisted a dummy was a much better option as, unlike thumb sucking, could one day just stop. At 4 she still had it (but by then only in bed at bedtime) I honestly couldn’t imagine she’d ever get to sleep without it. One day a new family moved in next door, their baby daughter was crying and so my DD ran to her room and got her dummy and gave it to the baby (well to the mum for the baby).
That night she cried herself to sleep saying she wished she’d never given it away. I left a present and lots of glitter and sequins on her bed so when she woke in the morning she had received a present from the ‘dummy fairy’ as a thank you. She never needed her dummy again and I still can’t believe how worried I was about her not being able to sleep without it.
Good luck OP

Original poster

Namechange454 · 05/01/2020 12:52

PPopsicle we took it away and 'gave it to the elves' but he struggled to sleep without it, and since it was around Christmas time, we gave it back. So as it didn't ruin Christmas.

OP posts:

Minky35 · 05/01/2020 13:02

You’re going to have to toughen up on this issue, bin all the dummies do they can’t be retrieved although this will be harder as you’ve already ‘backed down’ from this once.
What toys does he like? Bribery is the best option for something like this.

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