Why can't people understand the meaning of no?

[CinderellasSecrets]

My daughter absolutely hates trying anything new - new clothes, new shoes, new car seat, new bags, even new toys. It frequently results in screaming, feet stamping and lots and lots of tears from her and often takes a few weeks at least for her to warm up to the item in question. As far as we are aware she is NT but this has just always been an issue for her.

Now FIL has seen this with his very own eyes but has asked to buy her new shoes, I said no. He is still insisting on doing this despite the fact that a) it is unnecessary she has no need for new shoes, b) it will be stressful and upsetting for her and c) I've already said no.

Am I being unreasonable to think that once a parent has said no to something then it should just be dropped - it won't hurt him to just not buy the shoes, but it will cause hours of tears and frustration for my daughter.

So he knows that she is very funny about anything new? And is still pushing to get her new shoes? Do you know why? If her shoes are scuffed that might be the reason (even if they still fit and are serviceable enough). Alternatively, he may be trying to show how much better he would handle her in a shoe shop. I'd be tempted to let him try but you've said that this will be upsetting for your daughter.

Out of nosiness, how old is she? This might be a phase or it might not.

Yes he knows, he saw her the last time I bought her shoes when she desperately needed them. She has 3 pairs of shoes, they're all in quite good condition she mainly does wear her wellies everywhere so the other shoes don't get used too much. (She will sometimes wear them though so he knows she has more than just wellies). I am tempted to let him try I'm just worried about the fall out. She's 4 years old.

Three pairs is plenty (far more tan my children have).

Go with him. Stand outside the shoe shop while he takes her in.
Give it ten mins and be will be apologising...
Suggest he trusts your judgement in future.