To put a stair gate on DDs bedroom?

[Acunningruse]

Feeling very conflicted. DD is 3 and 3 months and has never slept well. Since we moved her into a bed in the summer (she climbed out of her cot) we have got in the very bad habit of holding her hand until she falls asleep (otherwise she kept getting out of bed). Unfortunately this has meant then when she wakes in the night, which she does every night anywhere between 11 and 3, she can't then settle back to sleep and just wants to come in our bed. Over Christmas we've given into this as we've had family staying rather than end up in a battle with her and wake everyone up.

I had been leaning towards thinking she would grow out of it but got talking to 2 families at a new year party who said their 5 and 6 year olds still come in their bed every night. I really don't want this as when she does come in our sleep is so disturbed as she kicks and wriggles.

People have suggested a stair gate on her bedroom is the way to go but I know my daughter she has an iron will I can imagine her getting so irate and upset she would be too overwrought to sleep!

Has this worked for anyone? Or any other tips for getting her to stay in her own bed? We've tried the usual reward charts and promise of a new toy if she manages 5 nights but in the night all she wants is to snuggle me, nothing else pacified her. She is becoming increasingly tired during the day due to the night wakings so it's her sleep I want to help as well as my own.

Any advice appreciated! Thanks

I wouldn’t do the gate personally. She’ll just stand there and scream and wake you up anyway... I would just do the take her back to bed, every time she comes in, with no fuss, with minimum talking, it will take loads of doing over and over again but in the end she’ll get it. Good luck.

Don’t do the gate. You need to take her back to bed every time, tuck her in with a kiss and a cuddle. NOT just you!

Take a week off work so you’re not wrecked by it and crack on.

I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but we extended out bed by attaching a single one to it so we all slept ok.

Our ds had a stair gate on his bedroom door when he was around 2-3 years old. He's now a well adjusted 24year old who holds down a good job and contributes to society so I don't think it damaged him too much.

My lo age 4 soon has stairgate on his door...it does work but in tge mornings he shouts"" mummy let me out of jail"" lmao 🤔🤔🤔

I put a stair gate on DD's door when she was a toddler (as we lived in a tiny flat with the front door a few metres from her bedroom door and she could open it), took a while for her to get used to it but then it was alright. But when I took the gate off the door she started coming into my room at night anyway and I ended up putting a trundle bed under my bed that she could sleep in if she woke up in the night - made life so much easier.

I did the gate at the bedroom door and all my DS did was scream and rage at it (and eventually try and climb over it). IMO, the most effective way is to do the get up, put back to bed (repeat as often as necessary) until they eventually stay in their bed. It's bloody hard (the first few nights especially) but they soon get the message. It might take you a week or so but once you've cracked it, you will feel amazing. Good luck OP X

I was scared of my DD falling down the stairs at night so put a gate on her bedroom door.
Weirdly she loved it and would close it behind her when she went in her room to play
I'm not sure a gate will help you though, you need to help her learn to self settle.

she can't then settle back to sleep and just wants to come in our bed

Our. More than one.

in the night all she wants is to snuggle me

Why shouldn’t she? She’s a small child. Your partner gets to do this and they’re a fully grown adult (I hope). Why are your expectations so different of her?

She's 3. It's dark. She's alone. She wants her mum.
Leave her in your bed, go sleep in hers.
Take her back to hers, sleep next to her til she settles.
I imagine any self respecting 3 year old suddenly presented with a stair gate who can climb out a cot would find a way to climb over it.

My 2 year old has a gate on her room but that’s just in case she wanders out and falls down the stairs. If she wakes in the night and it’s before I’ve gone to bed (hardly ever is) I’ll settle her in her bed. If it’s early hours I’ll just get her and bring her into my bed as I have two other children and don’t want her waking the house up. These days she quite often gets to 6-7am before waking up which is a big improvement to how she used to be! Also, mine never gets out of bed. She just cries or shouts for me from her bed.

I'd go with the stair gate.

I’d be amazed if she wasn’t able to climb over the stair gate or open it. My (just turned) three year old can do both and one of our stair gates is three foot tall!

We had a stair gate to stop our daughter coming out of her room at night. It was more of a safety thing. I wouldn’t hesitate to try it.

The stair gate will stop her coming into your room but not the getting out of bed. I agree with others, be firm and consistent and don’t give up the first night it might take 100 goes but the next night it’ll be less and so on.

She’ll just climb over it. just sleep next to her