To not want a relationship with MIL

[LittleMermaid14]

Ds is 8 months old and MIL makes absolutely no effort to see him at all. She has only seen him a handful of times and that was only because Dh moaned at her for her lack of effort. She saw him a few times when he was born, then never bothered so Dh moaned at her for it so she invited us up. She said she enjoyed spending time with Ds and would like to do it again soon, arrangements were made, which she cancelled then we we never heard from her again for a while until Dh moaned at her again. It is the same cycle every time. I have invited her round or to come to the park plenty of times, she agrees then cancels at the last minute. I've stopped asking now. She is only a 15 minute walk away, and has only been to see Ds 3 times, and doesn't ask to see Ds or invite us to her house. It really annoys me how uninterested she is considering how much she used to go on about desperately want a grandchild. It annoys me so much I have stopped answering her calls and replying to her messages, Dh thinks I am being nasty. Apparently his mum has me re had a bad word to say about me so I have no reason not to like her. She talks a lot of nonsense and I really can't be bothered listening to it and I'm sick of her saying "I'll come and see yous soon " when she has absolutely no intention. Aibu to not want anything to do with her?

Just get on with your life. Too many women on MN are obsessed with their MILs, they visit too often, they don’t visit enough, she wants to babysit, she doesn’t help out, she buys too many toys, she’s bought my dc nothing! It’s tiresome

This x 1,000,000

Anyone who doesn't want relationship with their MIL don't have one. A forum full of strangers don't want to know about it.

@TheMustressMhor Your comment is ridiculous. My attitude towards her has only changed since she cancelled coming to see Ds at Christmas. Prior to this I used to take Ds to see her when she asked, take her to the doctors, dentist, shopping, drop her at her sisters/pick her up. Anything she asked. I certainly wouldn't run about after someone I thoroughly disliked.

@Bunbunbunny I'm glad someone agrees! First grandchild, Dh is only child.

@Strongmummy Dh visits her regularly to make sure she is ok/has everything she needs.

She doesn't have much of a social life because she spends what little money she has on getting stoned and can't afford to go anywhere. That could possibly be causing her anxiety but if that the case then she should stop.

@NoSauce Because she is complaining to Dh that I am not answering the phone to her or replying to her. Her actions suggest she doesn't want to see us and it is causing arguments between Dh and I because he thinks I am being nasty not responding to her. Yet when I do see her/speak to her she gives it I can't wait to spend more time with yous, take Ds out for walks in his pram, have him to stay overnight, then cancels plans and never comes anywhere we invite her.

Ah, she's a pothead, that's likely why she's disengaged.

@Zaphodsotherhead I understand that but she went on at us for years to have children, complaining she was the only one in her circle who wasn't a granny.

So she smokes weed then? Great. I’m guessing her lifestyle in general isn’t really “granny material” then?

I’m flummoxed to why you’re even bothering giving this headspace. She says she wants to meet up then cancels probably because she’s high or asleep.

Given the drip feed it’s no surprise she’s flaky.

@GetOffYourHighHorse She can be as distant as she likes, I don't have a problem with that. I do have a problem her complaining to Dh I am not speaking to her when she gives off the impression she wants little to no contact.

I don't see the problem with responding briefly to her messages. Not replying IS actively rude. You don't have to put much effort in. Just acknowledge them.

Youjustdoyou.. ha. resonated. Mine is vile. I have spent 21 years being kind to her Son, Step Grandchildren and Step Great Grandchildren. You cannot make someone be the person you think/want them to be. Its so sad, but some people are just horrible. Don't waste your time. My MIL said she never wanted me to contact her again (after a particularly hard time I was having and asked her why she wasn't bothered). It set me free..I never bothered again as it was her WISH !. I am liberated from the horrible woman. Shame is, that we share so many life experiences (death of parents, siblings etc) that we could have supported each other. Some people are not worth you worry even if they are family..

Sorry I'd have answered differently if you'd have said she was drug user in the op.
Addicts are selfish people, sad though it is it's good she isn't around your ds.

@NoSauce I usually wouldn't but it has caused a massive argument between Dh and I because I have decided I don't want to entertain her empty promises.

@saraclara True but I'd say cancelling plans last minute on several occasions is rude so I'm not too keen on making any sort of effort. I've had enough.

I'm happy to send you my MIL, she loves babies and will never leave alone!