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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To try and get him to write more??

32 replies

Lettermumwoe · 03/01/2020 11:12

My DS is 4.5 (July baby) and still won’t write or pick up a pen he can recognize his name and some letters ( about 4 in total) but that’s it. He loves LEGO, diggers, tractors, any tools etc. I have tried to relate trying to write to his what he lives but he just will not pick up a pen! I am freaking out here, he is due to start school this year and I’m getting worried that he won’t cooperate in class, or should I back off??

OP posts:

DappledThings · 03/01/2020 11:18

My DS is younger than yours, not 4 yet but will be in same school year.

I had no idea I was meant to be encouraging him to try and write before he starts school.

GruciusMalfoy · 03/01/2020 11:20

Leave him be, he will get there in his own time. Before he has even started school is not the time to be worrying about this.

Original poster

Lettermumwoe · 03/01/2020 11:23

Yeah I know I should leave him be I just worry that he’ll be behind a bit!! He doesn’t even like colouring!! 😫

OP posts:

my2bundles · 03/01/2020 11:23

Honestly don't worry, he will learn at school in the same way the others will. One of mine didn't touch a pen before school and it certainly hasn't held him back . Just let him play.

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/01/2020 11:25

Does he pick up a pencil or crayon to draw? If so I wouldn't worry about him not writing, he just doesn't want to 'draw' that small.

DappledThings · 03/01/2020 11:25

He doesn’t even like colouring!!

Nor does mine. It honestly hadn't crossed my mind this was anything to worry about in the least.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/01/2020 11:27

Is he in reception atm or is he home with you? I'd say the priority would be in getting him to recognise his letters and phonics. Writing without recognisingetters is just shape drawing.

Igottastartthinkingbee · 03/01/2020 11:27

My son was exactly the same at that age. Just leave him. Mine can write absolutely fine now and still isn’t fussed about colouring.

OceanSunFish · 03/01/2020 11:31

Dappled - won't your DS be in the year below though? Assuming you are both in England.

Original poster

Lettermumwoe · 03/01/2020 11:32

He goes to a nursery 9-12 but not in school yet! They are Montessori so they just let him lead as such. I think that’s how it works

OP posts:

MumsKnitters · 03/01/2020 11:32

I would just concentrate on improving his fine motor control and strengthening his hands. Given he likes Lego, he's probably ok for his age with fine motor control. Does he like play doh and kinetic sand? Baking? These sorts of things help with strength. I wouldn't worry though, if I were you!

DappledThings · 03/01/2020 11:34

Yes, sorry I was confused by OP saying her son will start this year. Mine will be 4 in Feb so will start in Sept this year. If OP's son was 4 in July last year then has he deferred a year?

lanthanum · 03/01/2020 11:36

My daughter started school reading fluently but unable to hold a pencil correctly. She soon mastered it after she started school. No need to worry.

Boys sometimes find fine motor skills more difficult, so keep on with things like Lego where he has to use his fingers. Nurseries will usually encourage other forms of "mark-making", too, such as drawing with fingers in sand/salt, or painting on a wall with a paintbrush and a bucket of water.

LoisLittsLover · 03/01/2020 11:37

Dd is in reception and there arenloads of children who aren't fussed yet about writing and the school have been clear not to push them at home - it's very much learning through play, and the children who aren't writing are likely not to have developed the relevant muscle groups. We were advised that playdoh and plasticine are good activities for developing those muscle groups

Naijamama · 03/01/2020 11:37

Lots of play to help develop the strength in his hands and fine motor skills will help, and is just as important at his age. Playdough, baking, kinetic sand, threading beads. Drawing letters with his finger in flour is good, as well as finding letters when you're out. For example, shall we see how many a's we can see in the shop. I wouldn't dwell too much on wanting to pick up a pen.

mousemousse · 03/01/2020 11:38

My DD is 4, in school and since she started is obsessed with writing. we didn't do anything with her before school for it. However since being in school she will not play anymore, all she does is write and draw, so I say just let him be with his lego.

BaubleTheLumpOfCoal · 03/01/2020 11:43

My DD is 4 (September born) and is okay with a pen.
She likes colouring and trying to copy letters.

I found the way that interested her was using a whiteboard and dry-erase markers (I got a pack with loads of different colours.)
She'll sit for ages writing out her name using the board, because she can rub it off and start again.

The majority of the time it is just squiggles, but she's getting better now.
Might be worth a try if you're worried.

Original poster

Lettermumwoe · 03/01/2020 11:52

Yes his motor skills are fine, loves play doh, kinetic sand and baking. When it comes to Lego he can make the sets without the instructions and can remake models in an instant, he’s clever but just won’t pick up a pen 😫

He will start school in sept 2020 yes

OP posts:

mumtomaxwell · 03/01/2020 12:03

Just let the school do their job and let your DS be a 4 year old. My own 3 children all started reception unable to read or write, all are now in the top groups/sets at school.

You clearly chose a child led approach for nursery so I think stick with it.

FourStarsShine · 03/01/2020 12:14

A lot of kids won’t be able to write at all before they start school. Some will be able to write their own name and more, but they really aren’t expected to.

My DS was one of the oldest in his year in Reception, really bright, but no interest (or ability, frankly!) in drawing or writing. Really weak pencil grip.

By the end of Reception he was exceeding in everything. In yr1 his writing is much the same as everyone else, and he loves drawing.

No need to worry he’ll be behind! The Lego etc. will ensure he has the hand strength he needs when he starts school.

CazM2012 · 03/01/2020 13:16

My son was the same before he started in full time education, I was really concerned as my older girls loved colouring and writing but 4 months in the school have worked magic. He can now write his name and most of his letters, still struggle to get him to pick up a pen or pencil at home sometimes he would rather be a dinosaur

Thestrangestthing · 03/01/2020 13:21

What are you worrying about? Do you think he will refuse to pick up a pencil for the rest of his life?

BarkandCheese · 03/01/2020 13:29

My DD refused to draw, write or colour until she went to school, by the end of the first term it was no longer an issue. She’s left handed and I think the slight extra awkwardness of this was behind it.

Original poster

Lettermumwoe · 03/01/2020 13:34

@BarkandCheese that is crazy!! He is also left handed...

OP posts:

CripsSandwiches · 03/01/2020 13:50

I wouldn't push the writing - it will put him off. He also may not yet have the fine motor control to write properly and he'll be taught a particular style at school and might be confused by different approaches. Look up fine motor skill activities to do at home (hiding pennies in play doh etc.) and focus on that.

The skills really required for starting school are independence - being able to put on shoes and coats, go to the loo independently, follow instructions, recognise their own name. Even with encouragement at home not all kids will be really ready for school but the things to focus on aren't things there'll be taught anyway.

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