AIBU not to speak to other mum about DS behaviour?

[FrenchFancie]

We live in a small hamlet miles from the village school so the LA put on a school bus for us (yay!).
There’s about 8 or 9 kids take the bus every day. DD (year 2) has two friends from her year on the bus, one of whom has an older brother (year 5). Dd and this boy do not get on at all. No physical bullying but he often says nasty ish things (tells Dd that she doesn’t know anything at all, once tried to lead a chant on the bus of ‘all girls smell’).
I’m friends with his mum but not good friends, although we talk most days at the bus stop. They are moving away in April ish when their house sale goes through.
Dd has said that this boys behaviour upsets her. They are together maximum 5 minutes in the morning and 5 in the afternoon. They don’t see each other at school and two days a week I collect her from school to go straight to swimming etc.. I think at 7 she needs to learn to ignore him and not rise to the bait. DH thinks I need to speak to his mum about his ‘bullying’.
AIBU to just try to get DD to ignore him - it’s only 3/4 months til they leave anyway?

Even if you speak to the mum, school or bus driver definitely teach her resilience. You aren't always going to be there for her to help and kids can be horrible to other kids. A thick skin is a lifelong advantage in all sorts of situations!

Talking to the parents is not a good idea, raise it with the school.

Talk to the school ffs!

Don’t teach your DD that she should put up with a boy making her feel upset or uncomfortable. What sort of Mum would teach her that!

I had cause to speak another parent recently about her DC behaviour (first time I've ever done this in 12 years) and she was someone I considered a very close friend.

She's no longer speaking to me and has been bad mouthing me to some of the other parents.

Tread carefully OP!

Is your DD the only girl on the bus?

Encourage your DD to be resilient, and perhaps ask DS to keep an eye on her.

This doesn't sound like bullying, it sounds like one older child being silly. I doubt that talking to the other mum specifically about her child would help, although if your close you could mention that DD has been upset a few times but your not sure exactly of the cause.

This boy will be gone soon, but DD will encounter other people in life and will benefit from developing the skills to identify when to ignore and when to complain. This sounds like one to ignore.

This doesn't sound like bullying

Being targeted daily by an older child isn’t bullying?

Do you know how this will make the younger child feel? Everyday? Even dreading getting the bus. How would you feel?

Tell the bus driver and the school and the mum. Some mums are actually great when they know!

@FrangipaniBlue same situation here.
This parent I considered a friend. We’ve been on a couple of social events together and our children were friends.
When there was a problem I thought it was fine to talk to her about it. She majorly overreacted, said I was wrong and then got the arse when the teachers confirmed I was right.
Now she blanks me and I’m sure she has been bad mouthing me.
In your case OP I’d try and ride it out.

Or talk to the school rather then the parent.

I'm torn it depends how much it's upsetting her and what she's tried. I don't think anyone should put up with being treated like rubbish but it's only right for parents to intervene if the kid is unable to cope or tackle the problem alone. If they can deal with it themselves it's empowering for them to do it that way.

I was the kid who was being bullied at school (including on the school bus) whose mum brushed me off and failed to do anything about it whatsoever - and the effects on me have been life long depression, anxiety and low self esteem.

Yes, I blame the bullies and the school (who apparently didn't notice anything), but in some ways I am most bitter about the fact that the one person who I should have been able to rely on to have my back, didn't.

She told me if I ignored it, they'd stop - and was so convincing that I believed that, when they didn't stop, it must be my fault, and didn't dare go and tell her again, for fear of her blaming me. Her attitude towards it made it impossible for me to go back to her and tell her it hadn't stopped. And she never once bothered to ask me if things were improving - the cynic in me thinks she didn't want to know, because if she had known how unhappy I was, she might have had to put asider her interests and pastimes and do something for me instead.

@FrenchFancie - your dd needs you to protect her and support her, and I am sorry, but telling her to ignore it and not rise to the bait is going to make her feel like she's on her own, against the bully.

That said, I do understand why you do not want to talk to the mum, and I think @Molly2016 is right that the best first step is to contact the school - it is school transport, so they have a responsibility for the safety and care of the kids on the bus.