How would you deal with these "jokey" (but potentially harmful) comments?

[Anon234]

I should start by saying that MIL and FIL absolutely idolise my 3DDs (their only grandchildren so they are spoilt rotten). They are lovely people in their late 60's, really down to earth and they do so much for us and the children. But on a couple of occasions, I have heard them making comments to our 2 older DDs (5 and 3) that I object to. The comments are always when the girls are getting changed or if they are in swimming costumes; they'll say things like "oooh, look at that belly! That's a big belly, have you been eating lots of sweeties?" They are clearly joking, they've been laughing and tickling them as they've said it and the girls have laughed along too (both DDs are skinny little things and I think too young to pay much attention). I don't know if it's a generational thing or what but they seem to think it's really funny.
I'm not normally particularly sensitive about these things, Its just that I have really clear memories of family members making comments like that to me as a child and it had a really profound effect on the way I saw myself. I was always convinced that I was a chubby kid when I clearly wasn't looking at photographs.
I don't want to make a big deal of it in front of the girls in case it draws attention to these comments and I don't want to create an atmosphere but I worry that these remarks may be harmful to their self image.

Speak to them in private, it’s really important to stop these remarks.
Don’t let it go , these comments sink in and they stick. It’s rude and it’s damaging. You can bring it up lightly but it must be stamped out.

My OH's mum has a habit of syaing things like that to my child's cousins. Strangely, not to my child. My OH has called her out on it before now. It's not good.

My GP's used to say things like that to me, and I ended up with anorexia. I appreciate that it's not something likely to have caused it but it certainly didn't help, as it was a case of death by a thousand cuts.

At three year's old my bf's little girl refused to eat her dinner saying she had a big belly and was too fat (she was the exact opposite). We quickly realised she'd been told by others after eating that she had a big, full, tummy which was having a serious impact on her. We made the family aware that comments referring to the size of her belly, no matter how innocent, were not welcome. A year on and we appear to have changed her mindset, and are quick to make sure that others respect the sensitive situation.

I think there are some people who just don't realise the implications of a 'look at the size of you belly' comment can have... And are very accepting (and sometimes mortified) when it is pointed out to them.

Grandparents can be stupid. My fil used to make offensive homophobic comments to my son. This was before he told us he was gay. I think he just can’t help being an arse. This last visit he said he was surprised my son had any friends! I could have punched him.

YANBU
I’m a Granny and think it’s wrong if them to comment on any physical characteristic your DDs may or not have .
Can’t help thinking that these “jokey” comments might be a silly attempt on the GPs part to cover up a kind of embarrassment about the children being clothed or partially clothed . But what’re the reason they are certainly not appropriate- why not suggest they replace the big belly comments with “ my let’s get you changed before you get chilly goosebumps” ? I’m late 60’s and acutely aware that dysmorphia starts early . Don’t think any harm done at the ages of 5 and 3 but best if it’s tackled - despite how much they do for you and yours it can’t continue .

YANBU, this kind of thing sticks in the mind. I was so surprised when my DH told me I don't have huge feet, as that's always been the narrative in my family.