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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nikki Lily

20 replies

Ihatesandwiches · 02/01/2020 20:47

DD (8) has had 2 friends to sleepover during the Christmas holidays at different times. Both times they have been watching Nikki Lily www.bbc.co.uk/newsround/47170962
Sorry, not clicky link. And the other girl has asked my daughter to turn it off because the programme makes them feel sick or uncomfortable.
Both times I asked my daughter to turn it off but... I feel a bit sad. When we first saw it my daughter and I went online and found out more about the girl's condition and we talked about it and obvious/ hidden difficulties in her class at school.
As DD is 8 I let her watch Cbbc without supervision but I am always listening (benefits of a small house!)
I guess my Aibu is
Yes - children should be aware of physical disabilities and learn empathy
OR
No - CBBC should sanitise programmes so children only aee able bodied healthy children.

OP posts:

Popfan · 02/01/2020 20:49

Nikki Lilly is an amazing person and you are YABU to even ask the question!

Beldon · 02/01/2020 20:53

CBBC are right to put it on but the girls are also allowed to say if it makes them upset so they would rather not watch. My son would have become so upset to the point of not sleeping at that age. He was and still is very caring and lovely boy, it isn’t a bad reflection on him that he wouldn’t have been able to watch it at that time

Sexnotgender · 02/01/2020 20:53

I’ve never heard of her. Just googled her and disgusted that anyone would think she shouldn’t be on children’s shows. What a lovely girl and what difficulty she has faced.

Iliketeaagain · 02/01/2020 20:53

Obviously yes - of course children should see disability etc on tv. And for those kids who have disabilities, it means they also see role models on tv who have disabilities. Nikki-Lily shows that even with challenges, it's possible to achieve and give kids with no disability the possibility to see how much more difficult it might be for someone with a disability or health condition to achieve what they want and how much harder things might be for children who are in their class with a disability.

MoreHairyThanScary · 02/01/2020 20:55

My kids love seeing her. dd2 has health issues and is 'different', it good for her to see others who have differences especially such positive role models like Nikki.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 02/01/2020 20:55

Which one of your options is YABU and which is YANBU?

Sexnotgender · 02/01/2020 20:59

dd2 has health issues and is 'different', it good for her to see others who have differences

Totally agree. My DD is 16 so is a little old for CBBC but she has significant health issues that are physically obvious. “Sanitising” kids tv from disabilities is offensive as fuck.

SirChing · 02/01/2020 21:01

I find it dreadful that any child felt "sick" over the face of a wonderful girl who has a physical difference. Nikki-Lily is loved by my DD and I would explain Nikki's condition to any of her friends but wouldn't turn it off I am afraid - how will kids cope at seeing people with differences in the street if they can't even hack the reality on TV.

Nikki-Lily is a person. She doesn't need to come with a PG warning.

Original poster

Ihatesandwiches · 02/01/2020 21:04

Thank you all! I feel a bit better. Obviously I couldn't say to their parents when they picked the girls up, "i think your daughter needs to watch TV representing .... people who look / sound different".
I did ask some questions. Why do you feel uncomfortable? How would you feel if you were her? Do you have something that makes you different? Sorry, can't take the teacher out if the classroom!)

OP posts:

SirChing · 02/01/2020 21:06

would have become so upset to the point of not sleeping at that age

Surely this depends on why he wouldn't have slept? If he would have been worried about Nikki then fair enough. If it would have been due to her appearance, then wouldn't it have been better to learn that being scared of how someone looks is really offensive and that looks are not scary things at all. Ever!

Nonnymum · 02/01/2020 21:09

I think you were unreasonable to switch it off just because your child's friend didn't want to look at a disabled person. Of course you couldn't make them watch and I see you tried to talk to them about it. I agree children should see disabled people they shouldn't be locked away out of view. They are part of society just as much as the child who said she didn't want to look.

Original poster

Ihatesandwiches · 02/01/2020 21:21

I didnt turn it off straight away. I kept it on - volume down- while we chatted about differences
After a minute or so, I asked dd to change the channel when the guest was saying they were uncomfortable or scared.

OP posts:

HeresMe · 02/01/2020 21:33

She is who she is and nothing wrong with her being on TV, she is normalising disability which is a good thing.

Beldon · 03/01/2020 00:49

@SirChing
He would have been upset that anyone has to go through any hardship or pain, and that there was nothing he could do about it. He has suffered anxiety for most of his life. I have never know him think badly of anyone by their appearance. He always talked and played with everyone at school or his clubs, it was hearing stories that would affect him. This was a few years ago, he is in sixth form now. I’m not sure what the girls meant by it and their tone as I wasn’t there but if it was said in a nasty way then I would be speaking to the parents.
I haven’t seen the programme so I’m just going by the ops post.

leccybill · 03/01/2020 00:55

What was she on? DD 9 loves her.

thaegumathteth · 03/01/2020 01:05

I don't think I'd have changed the channel tbh. I'd have been breezy about it and stayed and chatted longer. My dd watches her and once asked why she looks the way she does in a very offhand way and then has never mentioned it again.

NewtonPulsifer · 03/01/2020 01:17

She is amazing, really enjoy seeing her success.

SirChing · 03/01/2020 01:42

@Beldon that is so sweet of him but also sounds quite debilitating for him too. Hope he is managing with his anxiety now. My DD has it and I have had to do a kind of CBT with her to help her. School have been really helpful too. I hope your son gets all the support he needs, he sounds such a lovely soul

Beldon · 03/01/2020 02:14

Yes it’s been really hard for him and he became worse through secondary, last couple of years have seen a big improvement. He did CBT too, his school were not so understanding though. He no longer tries to take on the worry and pain of the world, but has remained caring and kind to those around him. We see genuine happy smiles from him now. I know through his treatment and meeting other parents (he did a few years of group therapy) that it is common, which is why I was giving the girls the benifit of doubt

PanicAndRun · 03/01/2020 02:22

It would depend why they are uncomfortable/upset/scared.

If it's because they haven't seen many(any) people with disabilities before then I'd be more understanding, and they definitely need more exposure to the outside world.

I had a class with several kids crying after watching a show put on by a band where everyone had a disability . They couldn't see past the disabilities and hardship in doing x,y,z so they found it really sad. They were crying for those people. We had a chat about how they were happy, they're in a band, they sing in pubs and visit schools and they're not letting their disabilities stand in their way. They're doing what they want to do.

If they were moaning because they were sneery, because Nikki doesn't fit their standard of beauty or "normal " or because they only want to see "pretty"things/people then they would've got the lecture of their life.

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