Friend never says thank you for anything ever!

[cartersyear]

My closest friend of 30 plus years is really annoying me, and I need to know if I am being unreasonable. I care for her very much, and she has been a great friend in the past, but the last few years have put such a massive strain on our friendship, I now wonder if our friendship has simply come to a natural end. If I can share with you why I am sad with her perhaps you can tell me if I am being U or not.

Whenever we see each other she speaks endlessly about herself and her life, and never shows much/any interest in mine. Even if I am dealing with some major problems, she always seems to think her stuff is more important. I have tried to talk to her, and she then swings almost immediately back to her new boyfriend/job/holiday whatever. She has become quite shallow over the years, and I don't enjoy our time together like I used to. She is either pouting and boasting on SM whilst I am with her, or checking her messages or talking for hours about herself. It is not fun or enjoyable on any level. I have got used to her over the years being a little selfish, but now after a really tough year when she failed to even ring when I was in hospital I wondered if she is any kind of friend at all.

I invited her to my house this christmas, they stayed for the day. I went to a lot of trouble and expense with gorgeous wines, dinner and lunch for her and the children and presents.
She didn't even send a text to say thank you, and still hasn't. She literally never ever says thank you for any gift/dinner etc, she is totally indifferent to whatever we give her. I sent a text to say thank you for our gifts, and my dc are now writing their notes, you would think that would prompt her to thank me in return by text at least, nope, still no reply apart from she had a houseful and was having a great xmas, and it is now the 2nd of January!!! I am kind of fuming. How bloody difficult is it to send a text!

Total lack of basic manners.

The hardest thing actually isn't even the above, it is the behaviour of her dc. My dc plead with me not to see them, because they are so rude and difficult. They can pinch my dc's arms, and seem to enjoy harassing other children, including my own. So much so, that most of the time I try and see her without the kids now because I don't think it is fair on my children.

She used to be a generous and kind hearted person, but now she just endlessly thinks about herself, she does not consider the feelings of anyone else.

I know many of you will say why are you still friends with this person, but my friends ARE my family, as my family live overseas now. I find it hard to walk away from such a long friendship. I don't even know if I am just expecting too much of her. Her teen dd's birthday is in two weeks time, and I don't even want to give her anything this time, I am totally fed up with giving all of the time!

I’d simply text her “your welcome for the presents and Dinner.” If she’s a real friend she’ll apologise and say thank you, if not she’ll moan and whinge then you’ll have your answer.

My dc plead with me not to see them, because they are so rude and difficult. They can pinch my dc's arms, and seem to enjoy harassing other children, including my own

You say she’s like family. What kind of family allows their kids to do this to your kids? This person isn’t a friend. Idk why you seem so hell bent on keeping someone so selfish and mean around. Why? Do you think nasty friends are better than none? Personally I’d rather have no friends than people who treat me and my kids line shit.
Find new friends. She isn’t going to change so you’ll have to.

Your kids have pleaded with you not to have her kids over. Your response is to invite them over for Christmas Day?! You DID have a choice and you do now have a choice - to keep these users and abusers in your lives, or to get rid?

Use the new-year-new-you opportunity to dump these people and don't worry about there being a vacancy. You will find other people to be friends with (well, probably, but even if you don't that's still better than a leech stuck to your leg sucking you dry). She has moved on to another phase in her life where she gives no shits about others' well-being and focuses entirely on herself. She will be no loss to you OP!

Blimey. I would use the upcoming birthday as the opportunity to break ties. Send a token gift so your friend doesn't then think you've been mean to her child and have no further contact. If she contacts you, you can turn down offers to meet up and you can say that her continued poor manners at Christmas were the final straw for you. It hurts when you realise someone doesn't think as much of you as you do of them.

Don't send passive aggressive text messages. You'll just come across as pathetic.

If a relationship isn't working out, most people don't think twice about ending it. People change and friendships also run their course. You don't need to officially dump her but I would cool things right down. Downgrade her to an acquaintance.

If you don’t want a confrontation, just let it drift. If she makes contact, you’re busy or unavailable. Your children don’t like hers, you’re resentful at her lack of thought and care for you. You aren’t getting anything from this relationship. I’d let it go.

Seems you both have nothing in common anymore..time to move on

It is sad, I feel deeply sad because I don't want to see her anymore.
You don't want to see her anymore so don't.

You don't need to make an announcement to that effect but just don't contact her. It maybe that she then does think about you and contact you. Just don't hold your breath.

If you prefer, do tell her the relationships over and why. It is sad so allow yourself to grieve for a time but then move on and make new friends. Some of us just don't grow up at the same rate as friends from our youth and friendships have to fall by the wayside.

I would not send the pinching child a gift. Either your friend will notice and ask why, and you will have the chance to say your piece, or she will notice and flounce, or she won't notice. In any case you can allow the friendship to drift off - it's not ok for a friend to let their kids hurt yours. Not friendly!