I just need to get this out there, I am not in a great place atm. My depression is absorbing me, although I am booked to see someone next week to talk through stuff I really need to get this out. My relationship is almost 22 years with husband, we have 3 kids. We have never been great at our relationship, always putting ourselves last over the kids of course. We haven't been intimate for probably 2yrs and currently I don't even want to share a bed with him anymore. We had an argument after Christmas, we were all exhausted and emotionally done. I have come from this realising that over the years my husband had taken controll over everything. This is hard to explain so please be open minded. He does everything Finances, meal ideas, shopping ect. (Because he like to do it)He is very particular about how he likes things done and over time with his constant input and 'help' I have given up trying. I have become really unmotivated when around him. He is hard to please, complains all the time, is tired all the time and walks around the house stating 'he does everything. I of course work 4 days, clean the house, share cooking and hang out with the kids while apparently he does everything. I have previously counted my blessings having the help but, something in me has changed and I see how controlling it has all become. He tries to make jokes but it's always about me. I have explained to him, my emotional bucket is empty and when he comes along and jokes or 'helps' ( suggests a better way) I have nothing in my bucket so I just feel empty. This has been happening over years and years and I am only just realising the toll it has taken on me.
I am worried how I am going to go back to work as I have been an emotional mess at work for the last 6 months.
I have suffered from deppression and anxiety for 12 years and although I know it has been hard on him, I realise he has always been like this and I don't think he can change.
I am so down atm. So done.
I feel like I sound crazy complaining about a husband who actually does stuff around the house.
I don't know what to do with myself, I can usually pick up and just get on, this time feels different.
Thanks for reading if you got this far xx