Just looking to find out if myself and my DP have been unreasonable or not.
My younger sister (19) has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for about a year. At first he was lovely, we all got on really well with him. My DS decided to move in with him in October as his flat was close to her uni, she was very excited and bought some things for the flat. She moved her things in and bought a throw and some cushions etc for the bed, she asked him if she could put them out and he was fine with it. Later that evening whilst at mine she got a text from him saying he wanted her to chuck them away because they looked like 'tacky B and M crap'. The cushions are lovely and even if they were from B and M why would that matter, she's only a student! That annoyed me slightly but I bit my tongue.
On Christmas Day they both agreed to see their parents individually in the day and he offered to come over to ours later in the evening as his parents are quite a bit older than ours and tend to just watch a film etc whereas we have more of a party. He text her at 3pm to tell her he wasn't coming over as he had drunk quite a bit, she replied that was fine and she'd see him tomorrow. He then phoned her and shouted down the phone that she 'couldn't love him that much as she didn't even want him there'. My DS then ended up driving to pick him up before we'd even had dessert. When he arrived he was quite drunk and miserable. They ended up going up to her old room and when she came down later that night I could see she had been crying.
The next day they exchanged their presents, my DM had bought him a designer shirt that my DS had picked out. He opened the present and literally turned his nose up at it. He didn't say thank you and hadn't even bought my parents a box of chocolates! My DS was visibly embarrassed and tried to thank our DM for him but there wasn't much point as we had all seen his face.
I invited the whole family to my house for New Year, I have young DC and so do my cousins etc so we all wanted to do something that involved the DC. My DS arrived around 7pm on her own. Her bf had switched his phone off and wasn't answering. She actually seemed to enjoy herself funnily enough and had a great time. Her bf showed up around 11pm, he had walked in from town and was very drunk. He took her out to the garden straight away and we could hear the shouting over the music.
My DP went out to check that she was ok as we could hear him screaming at her. Her bf then told my DP to 'fuck off and mind his own business'. My DS then asked her bf to leave as he had been rude to her family and she felt that she didn't want to be around him. He left, shouting and swearing through the house and making all the guests feel uncomfortable and even making the DC cry.
My DS has gone back to his flat today and plans on trying to make another go of it. Would I be unreasonable to have a word with her and encourage her not to?
I understand she's an adult and needs to make her own choices but he really seems to be a nasty piece of work and I am honestly afraid for her. I have asked my DM to have a word with her but she won't, she has said its not her place to stick her oar in. I feel like myself and my DP are the only ones worried?
Her bf is her first proper relationship, she has always been very studious and not really bothered with dating.