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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Just found out Mum has HUGE debt

82 replies

Pumpkinspicewhatever · 02/01/2020 15:00

Wondering if anyone has any advice here. I live in a rented flat- my mum moved in with me when I was a single parent of a baby to help me out but has since moved to her own place as of about 2 years ago. Occasionally post still comes that is addressed to her and she just tells me to throw it away. I get post for previous tenants from years back and so didn’t think much of it.
I came back from Xmas holiday to find 3 envelopes all addressed to my mum and decided to open them as I realised I had been getting more regular post for her in recent months . I know I prob shouldn’t have opened it but I did out of curiosity, she made it sound before like it was probably junk and I didn’t think about it.
There are 3 letters from a debt recovery firm. One is for just over £5k, one is for £20k, one is for jsut over £15k. all were originally loans/credit from a U.K. high street bank. the letters state the balance as at end of 2018 and a year later - no movement at all.
I am staggered that she can have £40k of debt and never have mentioned this. She had her house repossessed about 10 years ago and I believe large debts written off then, plus my grandad left her money specifically to pay off credit card/s. I know she is absolutely shocking with money- I think she has been all her life- but this has left me reeling and I feel like I need to speak to her about it. It must be so stressful. She’s a teacher and I’m not sure how these debts will ever get repaid but I’m concerned a debt recovery firm is chasing her for them. It’s not clear how old the debts are either- just she’s had them outstanding for at least one year.
Anyone have any advice? How do I approach this?

OP posts:

Yarboosucks · 02/01/2020 15:04

Directly. There is no other way. You need to make sure that she understands that this debt is registered at your address and so this affects you too.

Then she needs to contact the institutions and a debt reconciliation support service to start the process of arranging some sort of repayment plan.

Yarboosucks · 02/01/2020 15:06

Also, prepare yourself for the real possibility that there is more debt.

Wtfdoipick · 02/01/2020 15:16

You need to make sure that she understands that this debt is registered at your address and so this affects you too.

No it doesn't, it is your mother's debt not yours and has no effect on you. You can talk directly to your mother but if she isn't prepared to do anything you can not force her. Just remember it is her issue not yours and you are not responsible. You do not need to let it get to you.

Ohpleasefuckofflove · 02/01/2020 15:18

You could say bailiffs have been to the door? Because it will come to that I would assume that it could potentially put a mark against your house, I’m sure that’s how it works? I could be talking crap mind but it’s still not good for her, or you.

Thorn90 · 02/01/2020 15:18

That's probably the tip of the iceberg

Ohpleasefuckofflove · 02/01/2020 15:20

@Wtfdoipick if the bailiffs are called, and they believe her mum still lives there they could take things from OPs house. And believe me, they do not mess around, and they often don’t care if it’s the persons or not unless there is solid evidence that you own it not the person who owes the money.

gamerchick · 02/01/2020 15:20

It does affect the OP because she's going to get bailiffs at her door. Nobody needs that!

Original poster

Pumpkinspicewhatever · 02/01/2020 15:21

I don’t own the flat- it’s a private rental. I’ve been the only one on the tenancy agreement for 2 years.
Should I call the agency and let them know she’s not at this address?

OP posts:

raspberryk · 02/01/2020 15:23

Return all post marked "not at this address", do not let any bailiffs inside, have your council tax and tenancy (with just your name on it) at the ready with proof of I.D. in case you get bailiffs. All you need to do is state to them that they do not live there, they will ask for proof which they will take a copy of. It will be up to you if you give them a forwarding address or not.
I had bailiffs round for my ex at one home and the previous tenant at another and this stopped them coming round.

gamerchick · 02/01/2020 15:23

What would they do? You can ask them for advice but you need to deal with the debtors. Tell them she's not there and give them her real address.

TheReflex · 02/01/2020 15:27

ALWAYS ALWAYS return post saying "not known at this address" if they dont live there. It's free, just cross out the address and write it on.

I would 100% get in touch with the agencies and say she doesnt live there. It was incredibly selfish of her to let letters of that nature to continue to go to your flat

NaomiFromMilkShake · 02/01/2020 15:28

I am afraid I agree with Thorn 90

carly2803 · 02/01/2020 15:30

call them. Tell them she is not at the address. that you opened it in "error".as its illegal to opene someone elses post (i assume thats for family too?)!

Wtfdoipick · 02/01/2020 15:31

First question a bailif would ask is if the op is xxx ( her mother's name) a bailiff will not enter the property in these circumstances, they have a lot less power than people think. The op would answer no she doesn't live here, they may ask for proof of that but that is it. They are not going to be removing the ops goods, there is no need for scarmongering.

2020BetterBeBetter · 02/01/2020 15:33

Return all of her post as not known at this address. Check your credit rating to make sure you aren’t linked in anyway and get that updated if necessary.

Then if I am honest, she is an adult and doesn’t live with you so I would stay out of it. You had no legal justification to open her post and if she has had a lifetime of being irresponsible with money, I doubt she is about to change.

Also, bailiffs absolutely don’t come into the house of someone who is not the debtor. Keep a copy of your tenancy that shows you live there alone and show it to anyone who says they are a debt collector. If they don’t leave or you feel threatened, call the police.

Yarboosucks · 02/01/2020 15:34

@Wtfdoipick - OP is affected because it is her home that the bailiffs will visit. It is her credit rating that can be affected. And apart from resolving those issues her mother needs to understand this.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/01/2020 15:34

You had better make some calls immediately or you will find bailiffs knocking your door down, and those people do not fuck around. You need to speak to your mother right now and have her start dealing with this before she takes you down with her. However, don't trust your mother to handle it. You need to make sure you're protected. This is an awful situation, but your mum is the one responsible for this disaster. I fear her future is going to be very, very grim.

NoSquirrels · 02/01/2020 15:34

I’m very sorry - I think your mum is probably in a lot more debt, and will most likely need to go bankrupt.

Look, you need to confront her and make sure the agencies chasing know she’s not at your address. But you also need to check your credit file - unfortunately not unheard of for people to take out credit in another person’s name at the extreme end of things. And you need to harden your heart because you MUST NOT get mixed up in anything other than emotional support for this.

No lending her any money, please.

Freddiefox · 02/01/2020 15:35

Return the letters as not known at this address but they will still come.
You can ring the companies and tell them not at this address. But don’t give your name.

Encourage your mum to declare bankruptcy. She will never be able to pay it all off and if she doesn’t own her home she’s got nothing to lose. Her credit will be rubbish anyway

HoHoHoik · 02/01/2020 15:37

It is not illegal to open someone else's post if you have good cause to open it, which you did.

Just return it to the agencies, write on the envelope "return to sender, recipient not known at this address" and leave it at that.

Don't give them a forwarding address unless you want to cause your mum a load of shit. She needs to face up to her debt but bailiffs turning up at her door isn't going to help the situation and you'll get the blame for it. Do tell her though that the letters have arrived and offer to help her put together an income and expenditure sheet so that she can contact them with a reasonable offer of how she will pay it back.

Wtfdoipick · 02/01/2020 15:45

Yarboosucks It does not affect the ops credit rating, that is individual to the person unless you have joint accounts or debts, nor are bailiffs allowed to take someone else's belongings. The worst that would happen is that the bailiffs would knock on the door, talk to the op and go away again. Yes not pleasant to have to deal with them on the doorstep but also not that serious either. I just don't think there is anything to come from scaring the op with things that just won't happen. Her credit rating will not be affected. The bailiffs will not be breaking the door down and finally if her mum wants to bury her head in the sand there is also nothing the op can do to force her to face up to it.

I would also add that from the description it's a statement with no change over the last year, if no one called in the last year why would they suddenly turn up now?

lifeisgoodmostofthetime · 02/01/2020 15:47

Return to sender and write that she no longer lives here. Your mum may not be responding and in the end the debt collector may come knocking, force entry or issue a court summons to your mum at your address if they have no forwarding address. Or simply phone and give them your mums address.

HoHoHoik · 02/01/2020 15:47

You had better make some calls immediately or you will find bailiffs knocking your door down, and those people do not fuck around

You make bailiffs sound way more threatening than they actually are.

At our old house we had bailiffs show up for the previous occupants. Knock at the door, two men there with a clipboard. First man says "good morning, we're looking for a Mr Smith. Is he here?" and I explain Mr Smith no longer lives there, we moved in there on such-and-such a date, showed him my driving licence as proof of ID and a copy of the gas bill with mine and DH's names on to show we were the only adults there. Off they went, never heard from them again. The dark haired one stroked next doors cat on his way past the garden wall. So scary. Totally didn't fuck about.

2020BetterBeBetter · 02/01/2020 15:49

It is not illegal to open someone else's post if you have good cause to open it, which you did.

It’s not a good cause at all. The OP was being nosy. The OP know exactly where their mother is and is able to pass on the letters but instead wanted to look inside. That is not good cause.

OneForMeToo · 02/01/2020 15:54

Ring the companies directly. Say the toddler opened the post can’t convict a toddler. Honestly I’d give her new address you don’t want bailiffs as your door. No don’t tell your letting agent it makes you look bad to them as if your mother is in huge debts who’s to say you won’t follow.

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