AIBU to not know how to handle this situation at work?

[ConkerGame]

My boss asked me this morning if I would attend a “pitch” in a few weeks’ time - this is where a panel of 4 or 5 of us go and deliver a presentation to a potential new client and answer interview-style questions, to try to convince them to hire us to provide certain services. I was chuffed to be asked as it’s usually only more senior people that get to do these as you have to be confident, presentable and knowledgable about our business. I thought it showed he had confidence in my abilities and I felt up to the challenge, so was excited for the opportunity.

However, he then said “we actually wanted to take John (a colleague who is a couple of years more senior than me) but then we realised it wouldn’t look good to have a panel of only men so we decided to ask you to have a woman there”. Then to add insult to injury he said “and we’d like you to talk about the steps we take to improve diversity here rather than the actual work we do”.

So basically I’m there to hit some sort of diversity quota and to talk about the softer, people-based attributes rather than the actual tough intellectual work I would be doing if we won. Some of our clients are really focussed on diversity now so they’ve clearly panicked and are trying to plug a gap.

I’m feeling so gutted and let down. I normally like and respect my boss so am very surprised he’s come out with this. Also it’s a bit of a joke because our company doesn’t actually really do anything to help diversity! It’s nearly all white men in management. They have the odd “awareness” campaign about various issues but there isn’t actually anything in place to get more women, LGBT or BAME people into management. Yet they seem to think they are very inclusive due to quite a few posters being up in the office about mental health issues, LGBT history, that sort of thing.

The thing is, it will still probably be a good opportunity for me to go (I’m hoping to be promoted later this year and this should help my case) and I don’t want to cut off my nose to spite my face. But I’m also feeling really rubbish and totally unenthusiastic about it now. How I am supposed to “sell” a company that I don’t feel actually values me? AIBU?

I suspect you need to say all this to your boss.
He is likely to be blindsided by your opinions, & totally suprised to learn how ... non-inclusive the company actually is!

Tell him you were initially thrilled & proud to be asked etc ... but are now feeling insulted & let down especially as they wish you to play a 'token' role talking about (non-existent!) diversity policies rather than the actual services your company provides.

Ler him know you ae fully as capable as the senior colleagues in selling your company at the pitch, & get him to move on to talking about mentoring your career path ...

Absolutely awful to think there are companies still like this. However, I think you can use this to your advantage, actually. Accept the point about diversity, but counter that if you just talk about soft skills it could look like tokenism! You get to go to the presentation and talk about what you're presenting, company looks good. Might even change a few attitudes if you're lucky, if not use your enhanced skills to find something in a company not stuck in the 1950s.

You’ll go along and do a fabulous job, especially under the circumstances of the company not being diverse and then they’ll promote a Male and you’ll be over looked...

YANBU!! Perhaps point out that you can't sincerely speak about inclusivity and diversity when the only opportunity to recognise a woman for her skills is when they've used tokenism.

And FWIW, I hear these kind of pitches in my job. I'm sick of seeing 5 white men and one POC or woman and then thinking they're so clever and inclusive for having that one non-white-Male. It's VERY transparent and puts me off a company entirely

Well this is a good time to get your company to look at what they do to promote diversity, isn't it?

Get the pitch team together in a meeting room with a whiteboard and brainstorm about the projects worth talking about and those that are a bit 'meh' and then you can discuss which aspects of those things you're doing to promote diversity.

if you come up with something, anything, all well and good. If not... sock it to them, and you can be promoted to be the Diversity Director and get it moving. Win-Win!

Do tell him, as @messolini9 says.

Also, point out that the most effective line-up to demonstrate inclusion would be you talking about the actual work. If he wants someone to talk about what they do about and diversity and inclusion then it's better coming from one of the bosses as a sponsor.

And yes, get him to commit to some time to talk about your career.

Sadly this isn't uncommon - token woman, token ethnically diverse person, token visibly disabled person...... I'm surprised he was quite so up front about it though.

Thing is, if you don't do it they won't have difficulty finding another woman who will. So I'd play it to your advantage.

Sit him down and ask him exactly what the steps are that he personally and the company as a whole is taking to improve diversity. Tell him you'd like his invaluable input so you don't say the wrong thing. Challenge him if he tells you things you know aren't happening.

I'd also suggest to him that it would be much better from a diversity perspective if you, as a woman, described even briefly what the technical aspects of your job are during the pitch.

Maybe in the long run it will give you the push you need to move somewhere that you actually do feel valued.

If you don’t have any diversity policies per se there are going to be very obvious gaps in your pitch, or worse still you won’t be able to answer the questions as there’s no framework existing for you to discuss!
Speak to your boss and say you’re delighted to have been chosen and really looking forward to the pitch. However you feel the diversity aspect would be better coming from HR as they oversee it (?true for must firms) as you feel it would be obviously displaying tokenism to have the only female presenting the diversity section, and what could you present instead? Good luck OP!

Explain that it will make more impact if a woman does the pitch and a man talks about the diversity as otherwise your presence will come across as a token gesture rather than meaningful employment.

Let a male colleague try to work out how to speak about non-existent diversity whilst you sell what you can actually do for them as a client.

I imagine John is also a bit pissed off too that he isn't doing the pitch purely because he has a penis.

The company obviously has bigger problems around diversity than this one pitch if it isn't nurturing female talent, maybe see this as an opportunity to raise this to them (wouldn't hurt to mention to HR that this was said to you to emphasise management in the company is just paying lips service to diversity).

Then try to see the pitch as an opportunity given to you to show what you are capable of and do a great job!

Your feelings are not at all unreasonable, BUT the only person you will be hurting is yourself by turning it down. I say get your foot in anyway you can.

What's your relationship like with your boss? Can you tell him what you think? TBH I would still go for the sake of career progression.

You need to do it, while the reasoning behind the decision is wrong, this is an opportunity for you to show your skills in this area.

Do a freaking fantastic job and make sure you highlight how good you were and how much of a benefit you are to the team.

Use the opportunity to make them write down some diversity/equality policies and publish them on the public website.

If they're going to be stupid enough to be this 1800s in their attitude to equal opportunities then play them for every opportunity.

And don't forget to ask for a pay rise in your next appraisal cycle for all the work you are doing to increase revenue and build business growth.

@CatintheFireplace I thought it was good but now this has happened it’s making me really question what I thought I knew about him and our team more generally. I also thought I was valued but now I’m not feeling like it!

I’m taking on board people’s points about raising with him that it would be better if he made the diversity pitch / asking him to confirm the policies etc but I’m now starting to worry that this would make him turn against me and I’d be better off playing nice and just doing as I’m asked and hoping that a job well done will help with a promotion?

Gah, I never saw myself as someone to stay quiet in these sorts of scenarios but this one has hit me out of the blue and is worrying me.

If they are a bit clueless but want to make it better then it's worth a punt. Prep to make sure you word it in a constructive way (don't mollycoddle but focus on actions that can be taken and offer to particiapte in/front the pitch).

If they respond negatively then that tells you all you need to know about your prospects in the company and you're better of going somewhere that has its eyes open.

FWIW I think it sounds like they do value you - if they have confidence in you in front of potential clients then this is a big deal (my role is externally facing and I have to have a lot of confidence in a colleague to put them in front of a client).

I think you should try and persuade your boss to give you a more rounded role in the pitch and not just give you the crappy bits - this is a real development opportunity for you and you would be silly not to try and make the most out of it.

Speak up, please. If you feel you can. Or write it in an email.

That is totally shit of them but you've got to play the hand your dealt.

Work out what you want to talk about from the E&D point of view and go back to your boss and make the point that the best way to demonstrate the company's commitment to diversity is by allowing you to show off your knowledge so you think you should work on X element of the pitch (whatever you do best).

I used to raise these kinds of issues and it did hold me back. But I'm glad i did, and in the end the MD used to start some kind of project, then say "oh Brefugee would say we have to do xxxx" and I'd do a little air punch and say something like "my work here is done"

But i had some seniority by the time they started doing that.

First of all, at least they recognized the issue in this one case. Sometimes that is a huge hurdle to overcome.

How I would handle it is set up a meeting with my boss, say that I think it is good they recognise the imbalance and you are really looking forward to the pitch but that if all you did was talk about diversity, then it would smack of tokenism you being there. Far better to allow you to cover X in the pitch and Bob to cover diversity and inclusion to present the right balance to a potential client.

Thing is, he probably things he's doing a good thing (and, to play devil's advocate, if the techy stuff is usually delivered by someone more senior, maybe you aren't best placed to do it.. or he might have a non-sexist reason to think you're not). I think if you can explain to him to huge irony of what he's saying it might be beneficial for everyone. Not if it would be detrimental to your career/relationship with your boss though, of course.

Some of the best opportunities in my career have arisen from either me or the company I work for being "second choice". In a business environment, it matters less how the opportunity has come about, and more what you do with it. Go in and do a brilliant job of whatever you're asked to speak about, and make sure you are invited to the next one.