To think that it’s not enough for husband to make no effort for my birthday...

[squirreling]

So it’s my birthday next week. Husband hadn’t mentioned it. He’s working on the day. I’ve booked to go for lunch with friends and arranged for family to come to ours for food....after I asked what time he’s working til etc on his birthday and if it’d be better going for dinner or having people here he smirked and said “o should I have booked it off?” He then muttered soemthing about maybe we should get a babysitter and go out at the weekend. For his birthday we had a bbq, which involved buying a bbq etc etc and me arranging it. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to mention my birthday/ ask what I’d like to do etc?

To expect a bit of effort/ interest from my husband for my birthday? So for my birthday husband is working. I’ve booked to go for lunch with friends and then have family over in the eve for food. I asked him about what time he was finishing work and he smirked and said “O should I have booked it off”. Then he started muttering about maybe we should get a babysitter and do something at the weekend. He’s said he’ll get me a Fitbit (but this involves me looking it up, telling him exactly where to go to get it). I dunno I just feel disappointed- for his birthday we had a bbq- I sorted the buying the bbq, the stuff and invited people.... I dunno- then my birthday celebrations are whatever I’ve done myself.... am I expecting too much? Thanks

YANBU, it takes so little to actually just ASK someone what they'd like to do for their birthday. Even if one doesn't particularly like birthdays or want to do anything on their own, it's not that hard to just try to make the day special for someone who likes their birthday and wants it to be nice.

My DH isn't a birthday person, he'd rather just ignore his. And yet every year when mine comes around he asks if I'd like to have some friends over or go out and he makes sure I get to lie in (either on the day or the first weekend day following it) with breakfast in bed. It's the thought that counts isn't it and he isn't showing any of that at all to you. Sorry OP that sucks :(

Well it's not until next week. Mine is too and I've only just starting thinking about if I want to do anything. He may have something arranged.

Just tell him. Yes, book it off. It's my birthday so make some fuss.

I don't book the day off for my birthday or anyone else's and neither does my partner...unless we happen to be away at that time so yabu about that. He did suggest going out at the weekend, and it's not your birthday yet anyway so not sure why the angst

You and your partner book the day off for each other’s birthdays?

I’ve never done that in 15 years of marriage, and don’t know anyone else who does either.

We celebrate on the nearest weekend - I thought that was normal...

If it's important to you, then make your own arrangements. Spell out exactly what you want and write it down for him. You know him well enough to know that he won't make an effort and is useless at birthdays. If it's any consolation, my DH is useless at birthdays too.

Definitely wouldn't expect someone to book the day off work because it's my birthday or theirs. I'm sure he'll ask you what you'd like to do nearer the time.

I think you need to be firm.
It is my birthday, you had a nice day, I want you to make an effort , I want a gift and dinner out.

Expecting someone to book the day off work for a birthday is ridiculous. But so is the passive-aggressive way of approaching this. If you want him to plan a birthday meal for you, tell him. If you expect him to take responsibility for buying the present, tell him. Don't just do it all and feel like a martyr.

It depends on what usually happens. I never work on my birthday. I usually go for a spa treatment and meet with friends if they're free in the daytime.

DH will usually book a restaurant for us, that evening or at the weekend. I do the same for him. Or more for special landmark birthdays.

That's been our norm for 20 years.

So I would be disappointed if nothing was done. Your DH has suggested going out. Best to do the research and get the fitbit you want.

We book days off for birthdays when possible, ours and our kids. I would be disappointed too.

Just make a memo to self to forget his altogether...

In my experience DPs are unlikely to proactively do anything without being reminded. I’d not expect time off work.

I’d have told him which restaurant and which day and time (the weekend may be better with a carry out Chinese on the actual day) and exactly what I wanted for a present. That way I know I get what I want. I’d usually get some other small pressies too, scented candles or chocs etc. All my bfs/partners have been like that. I’d ask what they wanted for theirs and expect them to tell me too. I’d usually have listened during the year for things they said they liked and therefore have some smaller gifts too that I know they wanted but had forgotten about.

We wouldn’t use annual leave here either for a birthday unless a special one where we were going away. We don’t make a big deal of adult birthdays though, just for the children’s birthdays.

If you let this slide it sets a precedent.

I would be really pissed off, I expect the person I love to make an effort. If they don't, what on earth am I doing sharing my life with them for?