Is being grabbed and pushed ever okay?

[TooMuchToConsider]

If there's an argument between two people, is it a big deal if one person grabs the other person by the arms (facing each other) and pushes that person hard enough to move them a few paces backwards? The grab and push is an attempt to take an argument happening in public to a slightly different space that is perhaps marginally more private?

The grab and push don't hurt nor cause any physical harm (although the person being pushed resists, so it MIGHT be possible that without the resistance the person might have bumped or hit something).

Relatively minor on the physical altercation scale, heightened emotions etc. Is it just a blip?

This is not an argument between a couple.

It's not okay and it is classed as assault - if it was a couple, it would be DV. My ex thought this type of behaviour was okay but the police disagreed with him.

I think you're looking for someone to tell you it's justifiable when you KNOW it wasn't because it was your husband who did it. Unfortunately it's assault and should be a deal breaker.

Was it a family member op? It's not, and is never OK.

I voted YABU as I felt you were suggesting it WAS ok, but I meant that it is never ok to do this. An old friend of mine was seriously injured when a boyfriend did this to her, it was only a small push but both had been drinking and she ended up with an injury for life.

No, it's an act of aggression.

Nope, never ok. The only time someone should do that is if you are at risk of harm (ie going to be hit by a car or bus if they don't move you) or being violent yourself and they are using self-defense.

Hope you are ok.

Would depend very much who it was if i was the one being pushed

Of course it's not ok. I'm surprised you think anyone might think otherwise. Even just touching can be out of order.

It's different to the Pope smacking that woman's hand. She grabbed on to him and wouldn't let go despite him trying to tug his hand away. I think he was well
within his rights to smack her hand. It wouldn't hurt her but made her let go of her grip.

Not ok at all.

I've been on a domestically violent relationship and as a result have seen how these things happen incrementally. As a result, I would be immediately No Contact with anyone who did this. I am zero tolerance now.

Think about it - is there any situation (that didn't involve self-defence) in which you would lay hands on another person in an argument? And if your answer is yes, you have problems with your own boundaries. But most likely the answer is no. Because it is not something 'normal' people would do, and it is certainly not something a healthy person would do.

I like to only have healthy people in my life.

It happened to me once. Unfortunately I was stood in front of a ship window, which I went through backwards.

It’s never ok.

*shop!

I would only do this if they were right in my face yelling and signalling violence was imminent (as in it would probably be automatic as a defensive action) but I would only push if the person in question was much bigger/obviously stronger than me. If not I’d just try to get them away from my personal space by moving myself or holding them at arms length. That’s the result of my upbringing in a dysfunctional family and having been through a physically and emotionally abusive relationship.

But I still wouldn’t say it’s okay to do it, I would try anything else to diffuse an argument before it gets to that point and thankfully haven’t found myself in that position for a good many years, but I know myself well enough to admit that I would take this action if I felt genuinely threatened and it was my only option to get an agressor away.

Thanks all. You've given me a lot to think about it. And helped ensure I didn't start to minimise it in my own head. This is a really difficult situation (the hitting/grabbing is just one piece) and has all come out of the blue so I'm finding it all hard. Breaking it into smaller chunks to analyse is easier.