... lighthearted. While I've had my issues with my crazy father in the past, I've learned to cope and to develop a dark sense of humour about his antics.
And, yes, I've NC. This has got to be identifiable. I hope think. I mean, there can't be too many of the sort out there, surely?
Anyway. So, Christmas with the family was lovely, all in all. Except for the night when I went for dinner and a drink with my normally low-contact father, and my dad accused me of working for the Illuminati. Basically.
Now, my dad is a bit of a narcissist and, more pertinently, a dyed-in-the-wool conspiracy nut. Hence the low-contact situation.
I am pretty normal and generally unexciting for the most part. But, again pertinent, I've a great job as an executive for a really large firm. Also, my current boss used to be employed by the US government, which he would seem to be aware of for some reason.
So we're a couple of drinks in and dad gets emotional. And then he comes out with ...
"Well, I know I've not always been the best of fathers - but I do love you and I need you to promise me something: you'll need to change that job of yours when your reptiloid boss starts asking you to participate in the human sacrifices!"
He was dead serious, too!
Sometimes I seriously wonder how come I turned out reasonably normal. 
Please tell me other people have thoroughly weird family members, too!