To think this will be the decade I lose my children

[theduchessstill]

Ok, so the title is a bit dramatic but it is how I feel. I've always felt everything is temporary and now just have a feeling that good things are coming to an end.

I'm divorced and until now dc have always preferred being with me and, especially ds1, moaned about going to ex's. I've done everything I can to keep the relationship going, despite knowing ex is an arse (not abusive, just a common or garden twat) but this holiday it's really hit home how much like his dad ds1 is becoming, and he also seems a lot more positive about his dad - which is good but also hard, though it makes me a cow to admit it.

Ds, not in a bad way, has shown his dad's mannerisms and patterns of speech, more than I've ever noticed before. He's also started watching some shit old tv shows his dad watches on Netflix with him and though that's a trivial matter I'm finding it all really hard. Ex also has a lot more contact with his extended family than I do, and ds seems to have really enjoyed that this Christmas after having moaned about them for the last few years (they are all adults). Again, I don't begrudge the dc a good time, but I'm finding it hard to adjust to the change in attitude, which has been really sudden.

I just feel shit -I'm so stretched all the time and so snappy and bad tempered it's obvious the dc would prefer being with someone more relaxed. Ds2 is being failed by both of us I think. It just feels like this is my last decade of being mainly a parent and ot has been pretty shit really, in the sense that my marriage fell apart etc, but the one ahead is really scary as the dc will reach adulthood and now seem to be moving away in other ways too.

I know IBU and need a kick up the bum...

Op I just saw your kids age ! Sorry original post sounded like they were teenagers

It’s bloody hard . I am now solo mum to two the same age , I am
Very daunted that I have a major responsibility to raise them to be decent men and hold
Down a full time job

But I stand by my comment to think a a bit
More about YOU and focus on your own happiness . As if you are happier , it’s going to benefit everyone

And honey you haven’t lost them yet ! You have some very challenging years coming so even more reason

I am starting a health and wellness challenge mid jan and am also looking for a therapist

So would love to know what might work for you ? Hugs 🤗

Cherish them now, don't picture a negatice future. X

This is a really hard age anyway. The start of secondary school and much more independence when they really start to become "themselves". You have to let them get on with it a bit. Just be there for them, love them, try not to stress over every last thing. If their dad is flakey they will soon spot it. If he's not, he's still their dad, and it doesn't mean they love you less. It's quite a shock imho when you realise you are not in "control" of little children any more. You can only guide them. It get's equally easier and harder ;-)

OP, you’re not on your own feeling that way, I know it doesn't make it much better for you, but even if you were still with your partner, their mannerisms would begin to favour one or either of you. Children also develop their own character which may or may not be compatible with yours. As parents we strive to redress the balance of annoying characteristics by parenting showing politeness and thinking of others. Carry on biting your tongue, guiding them away from annoying habits, giving unconditional love, and showing a caring attitude towards your ex, it will pay dividends in the long-term. YANBU, as it is a difficult stage of your life, try child-minding, join a gym, or something to ease your mind, children grow up quickly, so you have had a preview of when they're of to UNI.