Fed up of caring :(

[Lolodizzyone]

Will try to be brief, husband has 2 family members that need a lot care and support. One has daily visits and needs everything doing for them and the other alternate days and most things done.
We haven't had a holiday just me and DH for over 15 years. Tomorrow we are going away for one night, swish meal and hotel. But DH has spent most of day and night waiting for out of hours to visit one of relatives. Is still there now and had to go in middle of night too.
He is shattered but difficult to cancel as already paid. I work 40 hours and was so looking forward to this break.
We do have a holiday booked in August but not really a holiday as they are both coming with us :(
I so wanted this break but AIBU

Is there no one else who can help out tomorrow op? If they need such regular care, have you asked local authority for an assessment, they may be eligible to some free care to relieve you both.

You can't carry on with this - people with care needs this high need professionals, and several of them, not family.

Call the council when you get back from your break. Good luck.

It’s time to draft in carers. You cannot continue to do all this yourselves. You need a break or you’ll get burnt out and tired. “You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm” - this applies here.

Hire carers. That way your visits to the relatives can be catch up chat time instead of caring chores.

Thanks everyone, feeling bit better now. Was so looking forward to this break. They both have carers but not enough to meet their needs. Pesky funding cuts and council, think its time to really push for reassessment and tell them really can't continue with this level of support x

Sorry you’re going through this, I know how draining it can be. How long has this been going on, do these relatives live together and us there any other family around?

You need to push the LA for more care. The best way to achieve this is to stress the risks that they (and you) face as a result of insufficient care being provided. Be really specific and as dramatic as you need. Being nice will get you nowhere, you have to shout louder than everyone else.

Then you need to think strategically about the longer term for all of you. Are you able to keep providing this level of help? Would they really have wanted that? What are your options?

Thank you March born :) no they live separately. It has gone on at this level for a good few years, with hindsight don't know how we have sustained it and am really feeling the effects now.
Its the simple things like having a day out that I really miss. And of course holidays, not had a holiday without them for over 15 years. And its not really a holiday, as one or the other of them needs us to help them engage with holiday as well as basic care needs.
Until today hadn't realised how much it impacts on us :( thanks for advice and for listening x

How old are they both, how old are you... if you don’t mind saying? Do either have dementia or is it physical / personal care needs only? Do they both live alone, does either have any funds at all or both fully funded?

You do have choices. It’s very hard though and you have to be ready to make tough decisions together, but it sounds like continuing in this way is not something you can do for much longer. Have you considered respite care? A couple of weeks would do you both the world of good and help you to think about what you both need to be able to continue ensuring that their needs are met for the longer term.

You sound lovely OP but knackered and I understand why! Is it possible for these relatives to go unto residential care? Having multiple carers and constant family input should signal that it's time to move into full time residential facilities. I hope you get a break soon

Are they his parents? Sounds like they need to go in to residential care unfortunately.