To not want to go to boyfriend’s friends house as I’m allergic to their pet?

[Jaybird100]

Went to his friends house a few times. Each time I got a strong allergic reaction to their pet including itchy eyes, wheezing, heat flush and itchy skin and slight dizziness (even in the absence of the animal in the room as had walks around everywhere leaving its fur etc) on carpets, sofas etc

I tried taking anti allergy meds on the second visit but even that didn’t help much and I ended up unwell unable to breath.

Bf insists I’m ridiculous to say I’d rather never go around there again. I said I’d still be happy to socialise with them outside their house. They are a young couple with a toddler so he said they rarely go out.

I find it unfair he expects me to keep trying various medications to find one that works and then I should dose up on it and visit them I.e put me through discomfort yet not want to make his friends go out of the way to leave the kid with a relative and come out of the house to socialise with me should they want to.

By no means would I force them to do it and if I can’t meet up with his particular friend of his, it’s not the end of the world for me but surely that’s more of a reasonable request or at the very least he should consider both?

YANBU. DD is very allergic to cats. People without allergies just don't get it. Your boyfriend is being rather inconsiderate.

That said, it is worth trying to find an antihistamine that works. DD takes fexofenadine, but you need a prescription for it.

Eh? Of course you shouldn't go somewhere that makes you ill. How bizarre that he doesn't get that

Of course you shouldn’t go there, my DH won’t go anywhere where there’s a cat, we just don’t visit family or friends who have cats or I go alone - no big deal.

YANBU your boyfriend is totally UR!

I have severe allergies and it has taken a lot of the years to finally stand up for myself and say no to doing things / going places that make me ill !

YANBU I have friends that can't visit because of my pets so I go to them or we meet out elsewhere.

Does he not realise it can trigger asthma and asthma can kill

I think it might be a red flag that he's indifferent to your suffering.

YANBU obviously.

Yanbu

Nope, stand firm.
I find even the best antihistamine only puts off your allergic reaction, if you stay there long enough it'll happen eventually.

If he tries to get you to go, "Remember, I can't go there cause I'm allergic to their [cat]? Do you want to go on your own, or shall we invite them here?"

I am very allergic to cats, even with allergy meds I get very ill. The only reason I go to any house with cats is if I'm house hunting. Your boyfriend is being a nob, it's a common type of nobbishness because so many people don't believe allergies are a problem for some people even with medication.

He puts his friends before the fact that you struggle to breath????

There is your answer right there. What if the next time you need an ambulance due to anaphylaxis? Will that be good enough of a reason for him?
Tell him to feck off and spend the rest if his life with his friends f they mean more than your life and not come back.

So he is trying to insist you go somewhere that makes you ill? Is he always such an arse?

YANBU!!! you can't possibly get around your allergies, but as pp said- it's worth trying an antihistamine called Fexofenadine, which does require a prescription, but it works wonders for me! call your gp!
hope it goes well! x

I have several family members who can't come to my house because they are allergic to my pets, and I would not want them here knowing that they will be ill because of it.

Your BF is either very stupid or doesn’t give a shit about you.

YANBU, obv, and your position is entirely reasonable.

I am allergic to cats, and very allergic to horses. I will dose myself with antihistamines to briefly visit a cat household, but I really struggle around horses, even when I have taken drugs.

You need to dump him.

One of our friends is allergic to our cats. We see her outside of our house, at hers, or she'll come when we have a garden party.

Expecting people you supposedly care about to risk allergic reactions is at best uncaring behaviour.

Unless you're banning him from going over I think he's being ridiculous. He can socialise with them at theirs or you all can socialise outside their home.

It’s horrifying that he’d rather you suffer! Says a lot about his (lack of) feelings for you.

I have this very problem with MIL. She thinks my allergy is just an excuse not to visit. I suffer severe asthma if I breathe in pet dander and she hasc2 dogs and a house full of fur.

Huge red flag in the relationship. Your health should be important to him.

I’ve been advised to avoid my allergens completely because every exposure potentially increases your reaction.

yanbu
it's miserable not being able to visit friends due to allergies.

I have to take steroids (nasal spray) for a few days before I can visit a certain relative and even then I can only stay a few minutes.

no way would I visit your bf friends if that makes you so ill. your bf us massively unreasonable to expect this of you

YANBU, I have that sort of allergic reaction to many animals, and avoidance works better than any tablet possibly can. I love animals but learned the hard way that having a furry pet is just not an option for me.

Some people seem to think that having allergies is nothing serious, and that allergic people are just making a fuss over nothing. The worst ones are those who laugh out loud when you start to sneeze, and make comments like "Ooh, you really are allergic! How funny!" I find that those people tend to be lacking in empathy and/or intelligence, and are also best avoided. Your BF sounds thoughtless and selfish - I'd get rid if he can't see sense.