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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Childish over reaction or am I right to be put out?

10 replies

SJaneS48 · 01/01/2020 20:49

Feel like I might be over reacting so just putting this out there for a sense check!

Quick(ish) overview, this year many of my older friends (including me) are turning 50. My oldest friend and best mate at school turned 50 yesterday (I’ll call her A).She now lives in Canada and has had a really horrible couple of years. Due to finances and other commitments, I’ve not seen her since my wedding 14 years ago but we are in contact every couple of days. Her friendship is very important to me and at school we were pretty inseparable.

Another very close friend of mine (friend B) who I’ve been friends with for about 30 years has through me become friends over the years with my old school friend. Great as far as I’m concerned as they’ve both brilliant and if my friends like each other, all for the good really! As they were both single when I wasn’t they went on a couple of short holidays together. I was invited but couldn’t go down to small DC and if I’m honest, a very small childish part of me kind of minded but we’re not in the playground!

A couple of months ago, friend B contacted me to say she was planning to pay for plane tickets for friend A to come over. Obviously very kind and generous of her. Friend B has also had a horrible year and been pulled back and forth between a seriously ill patient and small DC. Frankly she’s had little head space. I told her what a great idea this was, agreed to co-host friend A for a week and asked to contribute £100 towards the flight cost. Friend B agreed and said she would make the gift from both of us. As the total cost of the flight would be circa £400, my £100 would only be a quarter of it so I told her to make it mostly from her but partly from me.

Friend B hadn’t mentioned anything further about this and as she’s been running around like a mad woman and cut a lot of commitments due to ill health, I didn’t bring it up with her recently. I saw her 2 weeks ago, no mention of plane tickets.

I’ve just been speaking to Friend A in Canada, very gushy & over the moon with friend Bs very generous gift of return plane tickets to the UK (which haven’t been booked yet).No mention has been made at all to me. I know friend B is all over the place and we’re not kids anymore holding on to our friends like possessions but I feel really put out by this! Just let it go as it’s really not important or gently point it out?

OP posts:
UptightFunk · 01/01/2020 20:53

As the tickets are not booked yet I think hold out on being upset. As long as it gets mentioned when it finally happens it's ok.

I think this is probably a bit of jealousy that's blowing this out of proportion.... Remember, they can be friends but no one can be you and the friend you are to both of them. You are unique and (I'm sure) lovely and there is room for them to love each other and you.

Looneytune253 · 01/01/2020 21:02

I think friend B deserves all the gushing as it's a very very generous gift!! I know you are intending to contribute but you haven't yet and it was bs idea and doesn't sound like something you were willing/able to fund yourself. Luckily you'll also benefit greatly from her generosity so maybe a bit of thanks from you to b too

SJaneS48 · 01/01/2020 21:08

I haven’t been asked yet @Looneytune253 to be fair! I agree it’s a lovely, generous & kind thing for B to do but as I’ve offered to pay part of the flights and accommodate & feed A for a week I’m not sure it’s entirely out of order to expect to be mentioned?

OP posts:
SJaneS48 · 01/01/2020 21:10

And quite obviously I did tell B when she told me about the idea that it was an exceptionally kind thing to do.. it is!

OP posts:
Properfatty · 01/01/2020 21:14

Why don’t you revise the gift and just let her pay the full cost of the ticket and you do the hosting.

Mlou32 · 01/01/2020 21:18

Maybe she just wants to buy your friend a gift herself? As opposed to a split gesture.

Properfatty · 01/01/2020 21:22

That’s what I thought mlou

Duck90 · 01/01/2020 21:40

Maybe she doesn’t want to pay for the flights, only for you to take over and host? It does sound a bit high school. Friend B is stuck in the middle. Just step back and see how it pans out,

SJaneS48 · 01/01/2020 21:52

B asked me to co-host, her one week & me the next so no to that @Duck90. I agree that probably she just wanted to make it from her - absolutely fair enough & very generous of her. However I wish she’d mentioned that as it wasn’t my understanding or what we had agreed. Agree very high school - don’t plan to get into any kind of Barney over this.

OP posts:
BottleOfJameson · 01/01/2020 21:54

I would wait until tickets are booked and final arrangements made, it seems unlikely she's deliberately keeping your contribution secret.

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