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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The best days of your life..

65 replies

Sundancer77 · 01/01/2020 20:43

Feeling thoughtful, with it being New year. Have a beautiful baby girl I adore and although it’s exhausting and hard at times, she means the world to us. When I had her, my Mum said ‘These will be the best days of your life, they’re about to begin’
When were the best days of your life (thus far?) as although I love my life in lots of ways..when I really think about it, I think of them as being when I was young and carefree and times were exciting..were they as soon as you had children? (For those who have children)

OP posts:
Cryingoverspilttea · 01/01/2020 20:54

When I was a kid on my bike all summer in the countryside, we used to stay at a campsite for months and we had free reign the entire time. I want those moments and that unrelenting freedom again.

It's only now at (almost) 34 that I realise I grew up way too quick and pretty much wasted my teens on idiot friends and my entire 20's TTC when it was fruitless the entire time.

Somehow got pregnant at 31 and feel like the days ahead are not the best days, but days that might suck much less than the past decade, non the less.

Cryingoverspilttea · 01/01/2020 20:56

Although to answer your question OP, no. Most of the worst days of my life have been since I had a baby. It is relentless, neverending, and frankly, almost too fucking exhausting. But my DS is anti-sleep since birth so 🤷‍♀️. 🤞 you have a good sleeper.

LaurieFairyCake · 01/01/2020 20:58

Uni. Free for the first time even though I had some very hard times.

And now Smile (the last 5 years)

TheRealShatParp · 01/01/2020 20:58

I have a toddler and life is good. I wouldn’t want to be without her. But I’m not sure I can say it’s the best days of my life. I associate best days as being care free and not having to worry about much at all. That’ll be when I was 16, the long holidays between school and college. They were great.

Dipsydoodle · 01/01/2020 21:01

This last year with the arrival of DD has definitely been the best year of my life. Not for appearance and physical wellbeing I suppose, that would have been about 10 years ago, but in terms of feeling happy every day, motivated to get out of bed, like I have a purpose, and the joy I get from her every day, it's definitely been the best year emotionally. Also we are financially secure now so not having to worry about money helps a lot I think.

Neverender · 01/01/2020 21:01

My best days? When I lived in London for 6yrs. I now have DD and me and DH have separated and thinks kinda better: there's more purpose to my life and intentional action. I dunno - they're just completely different lives...

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 01/01/2020 21:02

I like my 40s, kids are older primary/secondary this decade. I have a balance with family/work/time to myself

30s, when my kids were born, we're like a fog... Amazing memories and love but also despair, relationship almost ending, PND, choice between work OR sahm

Life with small kids was hard

Love life with teens. Love being able to go off for a whole day to do what I like. Love being able to go out with DH without needing a babysitter

Being 40s with teen kids rocks Grin ;quickly touching wood!

Dipsydoodle · 01/01/2020 21:04

I should add that we've been very lucky with our DD so far. I've never had sleep deprivation, I didn't get PND, she's an incredibly easy and adaptable baby, no health issues, very happy and chilled out. If that hadn't been the case, my answer might have been quite different!

Sipperskipper · 01/01/2020 21:08

I have a 2.5 year old who is brilliant, and I really like being a mum. However, I think the best days of my life were college (around age 17-20) when I still lived at home and had a part time job. No money worries, no responsibilities, just fun, friends, partying and plenty of sleep!

I also really loved a lot of my pre DD years with DH. We didn’t do fancy holidays or date nights, just lots of gardening and lovely long peaceful dog walks. That also felt pretty care free even though we both had responsible jobs and a mortgage to pay!

Somehow, I feel no matter how ‘easy’ your child is (DD has always slept well, and is just delightful!) or how enjoyable you find parenting, there is something about the constantness & overhwelming responsibility of it all. Whatever I’m doing, DD is always somewhere in the back of my mind. I don’t know if that will change as she gets older though.

iforgotthatyouexisted · 01/01/2020 21:09

Late 90s at college. Fell in love with learning after an awful time at school, made lifelong friends and just had so much fun.

RandomMess · 01/01/2020 21:10

When my DC were young. Hard work but they were the best years so far!

Mummyshark2019 · 01/01/2020 21:10

Best years in my life were when I was young and care free. Childhood and teens. I have made a lot of wrong choices in my life when it comes to partners. Love my dc more than anything but that's love for one person. I would not say these were the best days of my life as I am battling a lot of other challenges in my relationship which cause me stress, anxiety and depression. Had I married the right person, then these days post baby would probably be he best of my life. So sad to acknowledge this writing this down.

milliefiori · 01/01/2020 21:13

Yes, these have been the best years of my life. The hardest too. But definitely the happiest overall.

My DC are almost grown. By the end of this year they'll be adults and have left home. Someone else on MN posted a trhead asking what were the big things that happened last decade and apart from one or two, I oculdn;t think of any. No big events or career shifts. Just ticking along living. And then I realised I've been so wrapped up with DC, just hanging out with them and enjoying family life, I felt so fulfilled, I didn;t really try hard at anything else for those years. On the outside it looks like low achievment, but it has been so happy, so fun. Much more so than previous decades of momentous happenings.

Dahlietta · 01/01/2020 21:13

I always think it's a bit of a weird concept: "The Best Days of Your Life". I remember a family friend (who was then in his 50s) saying to me when I went to university "My days there were the best of my life". This was in front of his teenage daughter. I thought, 'Well, I hope they're not mine - I might as well quit at 21!'.
Most phases of my life have been good in different ways. University was great for freedom and excitement. For uncomplicated happiness, you can't beat Primary School. This stage now when my children are little is the most meaningful to me, but also the most exhausting. Most phases are in with a shout, except perhaps my PGCE year Grin. I hope what's left will be good too!

Sundancer77 · 01/01/2020 21:23

It is a strange one as the years deliver good and bad in different ways..the days with my Dd now are incredible in an intense way but also very overwhelming. The carefree days of youth are a different thing, definitely almost like two different worlds/lives.

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 01/01/2020 21:28

Got me kids give you the happiest moments, and the most golden memories, But the phrase happiest days belong to a sense of freedom and lack of responsibility, which is the opposite of having children.

Ohyesiam · 01/01/2020 21:29

Sorry, to me not got me

iklboo · 01/01/2020 21:37

For me it was my 30s. Got free of abusive ex, joined a hobby group, made friends, met DH. He moved in, we got engaged, married & had DS. The last 15 years have had there ups and downs but that was the decade that made me.

Paintedmaypole · 01/01/2020 22:46

The years with young children- it was the best of times, it was the worst of times I was happy and fulfilled but also exhausted. I enjoyed most of my twenties. Early teens were the worst time of all.

Fidgety31 · 01/01/2020 23:00

I’m in my 40s and hoping the best days of my life are yet to come .
Life has been hard so far . 3 kids - mostly as a single parent . Unhealthy relationships and no family, few friends .
I’m hoping once all my kids are older I can focus on doing something for myself and have those best times for me .

PastelRainbows · 02/01/2020 00:24

Had a difficult year with baby, PND, parent illnesses, house move and career changes. DD was much wanted but I find myself reminiscing with incredibly intensity about my carefree days in university. I'd sit on the top of a double decker bus (London) listening to music and loving long journeys across town watching people and places out of the window. Then I'd come home to my little studio flat with perfect peace to spend the evening by myself, cooking, baking, taking a bath, reading or chatting with friends online.

The irony is that I also remember feeling lost and lonely quite often in uni because I knew that wasn't my permanent life. I used to look into lighted windows of big homes and yearn for the cosiness of a home you share with a partner or children. I was also nervous about starting working life and anxious about jobs, income, property ladder etc.

These days I have everything I dreamed about back then, and my life seems perfect from the outside (fulfilling job, good income, caring husband, happy baby, wide circle of friends, two properties, car, stocks & bonds, good health). However I sometimes feel trapped knowing that I can never leave my responsibilities. There are constant tasks, bills, repairs, accounts, appointments, not to mention the endless daily cycle of cooking, feeding, cleaning, etc. I wish I could still experience that feeling of doing literally nothing for 3 days and nobody caring or needing anything from me. Just deciding what I want to eat, sorting out some food, then spending all hours relaxing or sleeping as long as I like.

Titsywoo · 02/01/2020 00:29

Probably now! I'm 41 and my kids are teens. Although I've had lots of good times in my younger years I'm currently the most content I've ever been. I'm very aware that can change in a moment so I'm making the most of it!

bettybattenburg · 02/01/2020 00:30

Having children made a huge positive difference for me

BackforGood · 02/01/2020 00:36

Definitely NOT when I had little babies depriving me of sleep and taking over my life!

I'd say from when I was 17 - earning my own money, no responsibilities, just passed my driving test, and the world was my oyster. full of confidence and self belief. Great times Smile
I also enjoy my life now - my youngest recently turned 18, they are all fairly independent. Financially we are more comfortable than have ever been in our adult lives. Just in a really 'content' place at the moment Smile

Sundancer77 · 02/01/2020 08:18

These are all really interesting..@PastelRainbows I completely identify with what you’re saying!

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