Do your parents do this or is this unreasonable?

[roseunicorn45]

My mum snaps and picks at me, and if I was to say anything to her that offended her even slightly, or said something in the wrong tone she would give me a death glare or shout at me or tell me to leave. But my sister speaks to her like absolute shit and my mum is overly nice to her all of the time, and will try extra hard to get my sister to be in a good mood with her. I confronted her about this and said it made me feel shitty, and she said ‘I treat you differently depending on your needs’. But I don’t understand that. Is this a normal parent thing or are you and your siblings treated the same?

Your mum is a bitch.
Look at the past, your childhood etc, were you the scapegoat and sis the golden child?

Not normal in my experience from what you're describing.

Sounds toxic.

Just go home and don't visit. She's clearly not making you feel loved or valued when you see her

It sounds like all three of you are immature and attention seeking. Sort of behaviour spiteful 10 year olds indulge in to be honest. Sorry, but you did ask.

Not really ‘golden child’. She says my sister was always ‘easier as a child’ and that I’m more of a baby because I’ve needed her more (I was in the hospital twice with serious illness and nearly died at the ages of 16 and 19) and so she was there to look after me then.

Tell your mum “I need you to be pleasant to me, like you are to my sister. I need you to not shout at me. If you can’t meet these needs of mine you won’t be seeing much of me in future”. And go low contact. That’s what I’d do anyway.

Not really sure how being unsure if that is normal behaviour makes me attention seeking or immature.

My grandma does this to my dad and has done for my entire life but her other son talks to her terribly and treats her with contempt

Getitwright what are you on about? Why do you say the Op is childish and attention seeking?

Honestly the number of idiots who come on here just to be spiteful is unreal.

It sounds like your sister has learned your mother’s behaviour. Your mum can see that and compensates.
You haven’t learned your mum’s behaviour and so she continues to treat you as an easy target for her venom.
I’d give her a wide berth for a while and if she asks why, just tell her that you no longer wish to be spoken to/treated like a naughty child and that you need to be treated with respect. Let her know that she cannot continue to abuse you and that you will no longer act as her “whipping boy.”

Could there be any other issues that you are perhaps not considering? My DSis always says to me that our DPs treat us differently and that they are more snappy with her. IMO, she seems oblivious to the first 10 times my DM has asked her a question, so when DM asks again in a more blunt/assertive/louder voice, my DSis thinks DM is being rude/snappy whereas DM is just trying to get a response. Not saying this is the case in your situation, but just wondering if there might be another reason for the different treatment other than deliberate favouritism? Perhaps your DSis is just louder/blunter/more direct so is heard more by your DM whereas perhaps you are more guarded/reserved so your DM finds you harder to read? Or maybe DSis is more thick skinned so doesn't notice/react to your DM's bluntness?

Have you spoken to your DSis about it? Does she think your DM is snappy generally? Or think she is more snappy with you? Perhaps you could talk to her about it so she is more aware and could perhaps step in/have a quiet word with your DM if she sees it happen or perhaps she might be aware of other warning signs that you are missing that might be building so she can diffuse the situation before it escalates (eg. If I see my DSis oblivious to the fact DM has asked her a question for the umpteenth time, I'll say loudly "DSis, DM asked you xxx". DM gets a response and doesn't have to "snap" at DSis to be heard).

My mum does the same to me as yours does to you. I'm very tolerant even tho I tell her regular how she is with me. My sister is controlling, manipulative and calls the shots. Basically my mum is quite scared of my sister and is often bullied in situations. If my mum refuses she then feels guilt and will try and make it up to her. My sister is a narc.

My mum's the same. My nan and her had a tiff the other week, I asked my mum to stop upsetting my 5 year old (we were all in the car), long story short she's cut me out of her life now apparently.....until I get a phone call in a month ignoring the whole thing before she finds another reason to hate me

Just leave the room when she starts. Tell her you’ve mentioned it before and you won’t tolerate it any longer. Do you live with her? If not, I’d be going low contact.

Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset OP, but it’s not normal to me to have to feel like I am walking on eggs with my Mum, or consider that my Sister talks to her like sh*t, or that we might be being treat differently, or have Mum picking favourites. The only time I can recall this kind of behaviour was when I was small, and it was schoolgirls falling out, picking sides. What you describe isn’t normal to me.