12 year old lazy son

[queenjolo29]

I'm currently having a stand off with my 12yr old lad, it's absolutely ridiculous, why I here u ask, because I have asked him to take the bin out!!! After asking the 3rd time the ps4 controller phone have all been locked away until he does it and then half hour after that, he's still refusing and currently sitting in the front room watching Doctor who. We r not talking OVER a BIN!! he's 12 surely I am not being unreasonable asking him to take the bin out???? Kids 🙄🙄🙄he could've done it and had phone back my no but nooooo,

Gather up all the torches in the house and head to the fuse box.

Time for some major consequences that he will definitely not like. You're the parent, take control and stop letting a 12 year old call the shots. He will only continue to be lazy and disrespectful if you allow him to.

Turn the tv off. Don’t give him any tea. Stand there and tell him to do it.
You need to draw up a rota and give him some chores. Pin the rota up.
No chores, no pocket money/PS time etc..
he is old enough to contribute to the running of your home.

If you don’t want to be in a stand off all night, tell him he will have consequences for the rest of the week and enforce them. I have a strong willed 13 year old, I find with my husband he wines and refuses to do things and his dad gives in because he can’t stand the moaning. But I don’t back down and my son knows I mean it, so I do find my son does what I ask. Occasionally he hasn’t and I give him a consequence later. Make sure he is doing regular chores, also if he wants something tie it to a consequence. If my kids want a friend to come over, for example, I tell them their room must be clean before they can issue an invite or arrive. If he wasn’t cleaning up I would tell him I’m willing to call and cancel if he doesn’t do as asked.
Also, if you are out of ideas for a consequence right now, just tell him there WILL BE a consequence and give yourself time to figure out what that should be.
Definitely set rules and boundaries. My son is 5’10” and already taller than me and both his sisters ages 16 & 19, so it’s dangerous to let teenage boys become obnoxious.
Make sure you are having fun, enjoyable times together so your relationship is not about him only getting negative rather than positive attention from you.

Has he said why he is refusing? Is it usually his job, does he accept that it's usually his job, or has it been sprung on him and he feels that it is unfair? (I'm not saying anyone is right or wrong - just trying to see why he isn't doing it.)

To be fair - most 12 yr old boys will be watching dr who . Ask him to do it when the show is over

"Put the bin out or go to your room, your choice. I'd choose carefully because your room wont have tv, phone or ps4 etc in it."

And then tbh OP I'd bin the fucking PS4. (Almost teenage) boys need everything BUT computer games, especially when most of the games he'll be playing will probably be 18+.

Boys also have a lowering of empathy around the age of 13 that is biological so (apparently) it does improve as they get older! I also give my son plenty of positive feedback for behaviour I like, such as telling him what a good job he did, or I appreciate him, he’s fun, he’s thoughtful etc. Parenting him has definitely been different from my girls as he is more introverted and doesn’t tell me if something is bothering him or he’s upset.
www.wsj.com/articles/teens-are-still-developing-empathy-skills-1381876015

On the odd occasion my 14 year old DS will moan/refuse to do a job/chore.

First refusal, I remove his phone, 2nd refusal is TV off and PS4 remotes removed and I add another job.

I rarely now get to a 2nd refusal as he knows the consequences.

When he does thing first time or without being asked - he gets lots of praise.

Thank you all for your replies, the bin has been taken out hoorrayy still haven't givin his phone back or ps4. I've been trying to make him do chores and actually do it since before Xmas, he's 12 he needs to help out somehow, I've told him he has to take the rubbish out to the bins everyday and keep his room clean, he does neither without a fuss or me taking his phone or games away, he's a good lad he does really well at school etc but ask him to do anything that's it 🙄

queen take the opportunities to tell him how much you love him and appreciate him when you can. “Catch him being good”. My 13 yr old can be a real you-know-what and yet the other day when it was just the pair of us at home, he came over three times to give me a random hug! They are a mystery but just give him lots of love and in the long run he will turn out good and so will your relationship x

Will bare that in mind and praise him more thanks for advice xx

I bet you’re one of those that says “my house my rules” but expects the kids to do chores as well

the bin has been taken out hoorrayy still haven't givin his phone back or ps4.

Hmm. I suspect next time he won't bother then.

Why have you not given them back?

Surely at 12 you can have a conversation with him about why you need him to help out? Isn't it better for him to do it because it is the right thing to do than just because he wants his phone back etc. That's just teaching him to only do things for his own selfish gains. My 12 year old does jobs around the house because he doesn't want me to do everything.

One of my DS's was a lazy teen. It's very easy to think that it's easier to just do it yourself. But in the long run, it isn't. Take a stand for his sake too.

For parents with young kids, make them be as independent as you possibly can. In "helping them" do stuff, you're not helping them in the long run. Let them learn by making mistakes, by it taking a bit longer, by it not being done to your standard.

One of my other children is severely disabled and I was spinning so many plates, I'd often just do things he needed to do myself - it was a really bad thing to do. He's left home now and is coping fine, but it definitely made independence and him knowing what he needed to be doing, harder for him.

Stand your ground op, for his sake as well as your own. Good luck!!

Don’t give him any tea.

Ffs what a stupid idea. Food should never be used as punishment.

*I bet you’re one of those that says “my house my rules” but expects the kids to do chores as well hmm•

As opposed to saying and expecting what?