In not buying her a Christmas present next year?

[goatbame]

We always do a big family Christmas with dh's family. There's 17 of us all at dinner and opening presents. We've done it for the last 8 years since I've been with dh.

3 of the 17 are all little kids, ds being one of them.

Every year we buy dh's cousin who's almost 30 a present. And her boyfriend.

She's never bought a present for anyone! We all take turns to open stuff and thank each other and she happily accepts gifts but has never bought so much as a bar of chocolate for anyone back! Even the little ones.

Although it's not about cost it's about thought she has way more disposable income than anyone else in the family. She's earning a lot a shares a flat with her partner who also has a very high earning job. No debts at all and they're saving to buy a house outright.

I've told dh I'm sick of spending time, thought and money on someone who for whatever reason doesn't do it back and that next year I won't be buying for her but he's said it will be embarrassing if we don't get her something and get her two siblings something.

Aibu? Happy to have my arse handed to me if I am.

I think it’s rude of them to accept presents from people year after year and not reciprocate. She could have at any time during those 8 years told everyone they’re happy not to exchange, but to keep turning up empty handed is selfish. Just don’t buy her next year. DH will assume you have, and probably won’t notice. If he does, well, it’s his cousin, and she didn’t buy for him either.

Leave it up to your DH, all of his family. Let him know now and when his relatives ask why they get no presents next Christmas just say - oh, I did tell DH that I don’t/didn’t know what to buy so he needs/needed to do your presents.

Do it with a super sweet smile and neutral voice and ignore complaints.

Then repeat the following Christmas and just carry on.

Yeah, just stop buying for her. She's clearly either, a) not really into the whole present thing, or b) she's a bit of a knob.

I now only buy my sisters other half a very token, small gift. He always used to say "get me something really thoughtful/something you know I'll really like/something imaginative". And whatever I got him, he'd slightly turn his nose up at it. The one year I tried really hard, and invited him to an event I thought he'd really enjoy, made all the arrangements etc, he turned around and just went "nah, don't fancy it". From that moment on I gave myself to never gift his present anything more than a cursory thought. It's been very freeing!

I think Owlinatree has it right in that she sees herself as a child, she probably thinks her parents getting you a gift is from her too.

Just tell them all really early that your not doing gifts this year.

Give it a miss. She'll be glad because she's obviously not bothered by presents, and you'll feel less resentment.

Oh gosh definitely stop buying for her! Grasping cow. And her boyfriend is even more of a twat for happily accepting presents with nothing to give in return.

YANBU but I would continue to buy for her siblings and everyone else who buys you gifts. If she says anything just say that you assumed you were embarrassing her by buying for her when she was not reciprocating.

I'd have stopped long ago if I was you - especially if she doesn't even get your little one so much as a selection box!!