Shouldn't have to look after pets?

[Redpolkadotcup]

DP has an adult daughter, we have two young DC's.
DP's daughter has about 10 pets, a mixture of cats, dogs, rabbits as well as fish. Issue is she is frequently going away and expecting (well demanding) DH looks after them for her.
Her house is about 20 minutes away from ours, so it's 40 minutes worth of driving plus the time it takes to walk dogs, clean litter trays, feed them all etc. So in total he ends up being away for near 2 hours, at least twice a day. This aside him working full time means I end up with having virtually no help with kids/house.
Other thing is she never leaves any food or general resources to look after them (cat litter etc) meaning DH has to buy this which as pet owners will know, ends up costing a fair amount for so many animals. Money we don't always have.
Now if this was once/twice a year it wouldn't be an issue at all but its practically every other month for at minimum week at a time, as well as all the odd days here and there which she goes to her BFs and doesn't return so he is sent to see to pets (he drives, she doesn't). Again this happens often.
AIBU to think he should tell her no sometimes? As I said she doesn't ask, she demands, and anytime he doesn't give into her she can be very manipulative. So she says jump and he says how high, to keep the peace. I just don't think it's fair when it so regularly interrupts other parts of his life (which she is well aware of).

How is this your issue OP? I would be glad that my husband cared about her animals and helped her out.

You sound like you really do not like her.

YANBU

Let’s hope she doesn’t start having DC any time soon.

If course it’s unreasonable, although I can’t understand why the issue of no food/ litter has been allowed to persist. She needs a cat sitter or pet boarding. I’d tell her no every time from now on.

Have you read the post? The op clearly states the time it takes out of her dps day taking him away from his young family. The amount it costs due to the adult dd not leaving enough provisions. The fact it’s demanded not requested.

I get your point, but if it were your DC asking for their fathers help, would you object so much?

She has dogs in that menagerie list? Yet, someone only goes over twice a day? It's left alone the rest of the time?

@ClairesKimono
Issue for me his how much he's out the house to care for them therefore I get no help with kids or house. Mimumum of 4 hours a day fit round his work means kids practically see him at all. As I said once or twice a year wouldn't be an issue, I'm all for him helping his daughter out of course, but I just feel like the P is being took with how often its happening.

She is being unreasonable. If you have pets your life should accommodate them. Her pets her responsibility.

Cats and small furries might be ok but doing this to her dogs is a real no no. They are being left alone for 22 of every 24 hours. That’s unfair to the animals and borderline negligent of her.
Obviously rare work related trips could be accommodated but this seems excessive. Why can’t the boyfriend come to her place? Also she is being verrry u reasonable not leaving adequate supplies for her pets,

Are you saying that dogs are staying home alone for more than a week at a time with only your OH going to them twice a day? She isn't fit to have dogs if that is the case.

Alternatively, could your OH take your kids there and they could go on a walk together?

Yes dogs are left on their own rest of them time, twice a day is usually as much as he can make it over due to work. She's well aware of this.
As for taking the kids, good idea in theory but not practical most of the time as it clashes with there routine, once in a blue moon would be fine but not as often as it is.

DP not saying no is the problem.

Demands from anything beyond babyhood are demeaning to both sides and, as a good parent, saying 'No' is essential sometimes,

This isn't fair on so many levels-

Animals the responsibility of the owner . The DD decided to have them, unless there is a massive backstory/reason (like the dogs being dumped on her ) .
She has to either ask a favour -massive favour , or cater for their care .

She has to make sure all the food, hay, litter is there (fresh food can be bought as and when)

Ideally her dogs should go into kennels or have a sitter in the house .

Cats and rabbits can be fed and checked 2 x daily , but they need to be let out ( rabbit run and cat door) and vitally , be safe at night . Which is time consuming.

Your DH really needs to say "No" to her . Even if he said "I'll do the morning but you need to arrange night care"

We went away and I paid my adult / teenage DC to look after our cats . Better for the cats to be in their own home and I knew my DC would look after them as well as I would .
When I go away again, they know I'll be expecting them to do it , but it's a request not an order . (And my DS likes the ££ . And DD would worry about them in Cattery )

Can you bring the animals to your house?

The small furries cats and fish can cope with being alone so much, but as professional dog carers we absolutely refuse to leave dogs alone for more than four to six hours at a stretch, and certainly not overnight. And failing to supply the food etc is disgraceful.

It seems odd that she has so many animals, yet is away from home so much.

What age is this lady? Why can’t your husband have an adult to adult chat with her about taking more responsibility for her pets?

Surely your husband could offer a compromise - I can’t travel to your house but we will pet sit for the smaller animals if they can come to ours (rabbits). They fish can be left with a holiday block but the cats and dogs need to go to kennels.

This means her trips are much more expensive, so she will have to think long and hard about her lifestyle.

It's not your step-daughters fault that her dad is too weak to say no to her.

Agree that it's shocking leaving the dogs like that.

I think that your husband should help out when he can. But not when it's becomingtoo often. So the next time to explain that he cant do it this time.

cats, fish and rabbits can be left alone for longish periods with just feeding/litter tray duties done by daily visit - but not dogs, that's really cruel.
The woman should organise a house sitter or go away less.

It’s pretty simple, your partner needs to learn to say no. If he can help, and wants to, then he does, and if he is busy he refuses. She should not assume. And it does seem a lot of animals for someone who is away so much. The dogs in particular I worry about. Providing the resources, ie food, cat litter etc, for your own pets is just essential and obvious!

That is an unacceptable way to care for dogs. Someone dropping in on them twice a day and taking them for a short walk is not enough.

Your DH needs to step up and have it out with his DD. The dogs need to either come to your house or go into kennels when she goes away. They way they are currently being looked after is inadequate.

She's taking the piss and isn't fit to own animals. Those dogs are inadequately cared for.

It's not only the time your DH is spending taking care of all these animals but the expense as well! I can't imagine telling (not asking) someone to look after all my pets and then expecting the sitter to provide the food/litter?

If someone is away more often than not then they shouldn't have 10 animals and especially dogs. If your DH didn't look after these animals OP then who would do it?

You need to have a chat with DH about the amount of time he's spending on all this as well as the amount of money. Perhaps your DH needs to have a chat with his DD about having 10 animals she isn't looking after although I'm not sure how well that conversation would go down. How many dogs does she have? It sounds as if they need to be rehomed to someone who can properly look after them.

It's clearly not reasonable but no decent person could leave the pets to hear the brunt of that. They're sentient beings and need care. Problem is your DH needs to tell his daughter she can't go away as frequently, and maybe as the pets die off persuade her not to replace them as seems she's not responsible enough to have pets yet

The pets are her responsibility, not your DPs.

You don’t say what happens when you’ve planned to go out, or away for the day/night and a demand has been received to look after her animals. Do you just drop everything for her? She sounds incredibly selfish and someone always used to getting her own way. Her lifestyle also doesn’t sound like it offers a good enough environment to own and care for animals.

When we are away my DS asks my DM if she will feed and water his rabbit. She loves popping over to look after him and we always leave more than enough food etc to take care of him. However we also use a bunny boarding hotel (!) as my DM is also entitled to go on holiday/be out and about and can’t sometimes help out. Our pet = our cost. Simple.

She needs to be taught some manners and she needs to be told no occasionally. It will do her good (and make the pets have a better lifestyle and care plan in place).