I can't bring myself to talk to my husband.

[staceydoesmagic]

We have a 6 month old. Baby is going through a clingy phase, screams a lot and really really fights sleep.

Last night, I was totally overwhelmed trying to get baby to bed. It was 10pm before he eventually settled. I was in tears, and told my husband it had been a long day and I had been looking forward to baby going to bed so I could have half an hour where I didn't have to look after anyone but myself, just for a bit. I told him thinking like that made me feel like a bad mum.

He didn't try and comfort me, he just said "it is a full time thing". So now I feel worse for saying I needed a break.

This morning, I can't look at him without getting upset. AIBU to be annoyed?

(Extra context - my husband works full time, so I do everything at home. He hasn't made dinner since the baby was 2 weeks old. I don't mind, but I wish he'd recognise I need to sit down without a baby attached to me at some point during the day).

my husband works full time, so I do everything at home. He hasn't made dinner since the baby was 2 weeks old

Well that’s your mistake right there. You shouldn’t be doing everything at home. Why are you doing it? He’s also a Dad regardless of whether he works. He should be coming home and mucking in. His job is 9-5 with breaks and the opportunity to go to the toilet by himself while currently yours seem to be 24/7. Why is he not cooking dinner? Just because you’re at home looking after the baby doesn’t mean you have to do everything, come on!

You’re supposed to be a team, a partnership but it doesn’t sound like you are.

Why can’t you talk to him, you’re married to him. Talk to him before you snap.

He became a parent too. He doesn't get to switch it on and off. Hand baby over with a cheery, "Here you are daddy."
Make sure to do this several times a day. Good habits start early.

Agree with everyone else! You need to sit down and discuss him doing his fair share of housework and parenting. Tell him it's his new years Resolution.

What a stupid thing to say and I understand why you’re so upset. He needs to pull his weight and support you. He also needs to learn how to be a father and look after his child on his own so he fully appreciates what “full time” means.

I’d explain how you’re feeling and that you need a break. Then arrange to go out with friends so he can parent

Think about who gets up first and sits down last. I bet it is you. Ask him how that is fair. When he is at work you are responsible at home. When he is at home it is a joint responsibility otherwise you are on duty much longer than him.

Firstly you need to stop doing absolutely everything in the house and with the baby. Why on earth have you been making tea since the baby was two weeks old. You have made a rock for your own back and the fact that you do everything has possibly contributed to your baby being clingy with you.
Just because your husband works full time it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have to take over with the baby as soon as he walks through the door. My husband used to do this regardless of how long his day had been. You really need to sit down and redefine the dynamic in the house.
I’m not surprised you’re absolutely shattered. Also if you’re on instagram or fb get the hell off there. The last thing you need is to see how everyone else is managing magnificently. It’s all bullshit and will make you feel worse. 💐

I don’t know your DH, but I can see how this might have been a clumsy attempt to empathise, to say ‘yeah this is pretty full-on, isn’t it?’ Rather than ‘suck it up, it’s your job as a mother.’
I also would want to punch your husband in his patronising face after that response, but first I agree with the above. If you don’t already know, you need to establish whether it was a clumsy attempt to commiserate, or to “remind” you of what you “signed up for”. So my advice is to stop (quite understandably) silently seething, and talk it through with him.

It is completely normal to want to have a break baby free for part of the day. When my 20 month son was smaller I used to look forward to his naps to take a break myself. No house work was ever done during a nap bar some cooking.

So - your husband doesn't understand as he hasn't spent 24/7 with a baby.

Couple of hints for your partner

My partner used to take our son to the supermarket at the weekend which is a good hour trip while I took a long shower.

And I while we were having a rough time with bottle feeding he sent me to the cinema to take some time out.