To be struggling with someone being murdered in my old house

[RapidRainbow]

I've only lived in 5 houses in my life and one of the houses I lived in has had a woman murdered by her bf. I keep wondering which room it was in and picturing her in different places in the house because I can picture the house clear as day. I know that's morbid but it's how I try to process things I guess.

I know who she was but we never really spoke. I know this is not about me, I'm nothing to do with her or that house now but I can't put my finger on why this is affecting me so deeply just because I lived there once.

The street this house was on is a small cul de sac with 26 houses. This may be outing but it doesn't really matter, we moved to one house on that street when I was 8, then moved into the house in question across the road (social housing) when I was 16. I left home 2 years later but had my own house on that street for a further 14 years whilst my Mum lived in the house in question still. In 2016 my Mum moved away from the street and I did in 2017.

So I lived on that street for 3 quarters of my life. The house that is currently the crime scene is where I first brought my newborn home to and where my nieces and nephews played running in and out of the house to play. Now I see a CSI van parked across the place I played and my child innocently played and its a shock to see that when we passed (it's only 5 minutes away). Two of the woman's kids used to come and play in my garden with one of my children and one of my oldest childhood friends now lives next door to 'the house' and was very close to her and is supporting her child.

Ive made contact with another person who lived in the house and they feel the same having not slept much last night thinking about it.

I will be OK, I just take a little longer processing things like this. I'm not mourning the woman though I feel terribly sorry for her and her family, I'm more struggling to to comprehend that a house and street that's been such a big part of my life held such a terrible future. Also wondering, was she murdered where I used to sleep, or my kids slept when they stayed over, or in the bathroom where we relaxed etc. I think once I have the answers I'll move forward personally, I don't know why its just the way I process, I have to know the details.

But obviously these are questions I can't ask the people who know, as that would be very insensitive. So I wait in a limbo until further information comes out. The limbo may be the issue.

YANBU you don't chose how you feel

but it's weird if you are no longer living there anyway and you are so obsessed with it

So this is a murder that has only just happened? Not a case of you finding out it happened 50 years ago or whatever?

I understand the feeling but it’s something you have you just put to one side. Someone has been abused, died, born, etc. in basically any property of more than a few generations old.

@FlamingoAndJohn
Yes, yesterday afternoon.

That puts a very different spin on it. I completely understand why this feels horrible. It’s very different to finding out it happened decades ago.

Yes, the street is only 28 years old and we moved in when it was new builds. I knew of people dying in other houses, they were sad but middle-aged to older people with health issues. This was a woman in her late twenties murdered. I've been told many years ago that the row of houses this house is in were never fully knocked down before the new builds and it was evident as these houses had the old staircases of the old houses. In this house as the older house I know a man died but that wasn't so bad, I have since been told a woman hung herself in that house in the eighties which may or may not be true. For some reason, even the suicide don't hit in the same way.

You're a lot closer to this woman than your initial OP suggested. Two women I went to school with were murdered many years ago (separate incidents) and despite not knowing either of them very well it really rocked me each time, because murder is cruel and final. It only happened yesterday, give yourself some time and the shock will pass. You'll be able to put that natural sadness aside sooner than you might think when you're shocked now, but it's good to support your friend and others more directly involved if you can, just a few words to express that you understand how shocked they must be and to let you know if they need anything.

Doesn't*

A very small amount of people die peacefully or quietly. Most of us will go out kicking and screaming just as we came in. Murder is grim but death is grim and painful for the majority.

cryingoverspilttea. What absolute nonsense.

Bless you, no wonder you’re shaken up.

Most of us read about domestic murders or see them in the news and think “how awful, poor woman” but we’ve got distance.
When it happens to someone you know, or in your case happens in a place full of happy memories, the safety of distance is removed.

It’s disconcerting. It shakes up our nice safe world view. It’s understandable to be freaked out
And that poor, poor woman. Hope her kids are safe.

I'm not mourning the woman though I feel terribly sorry for her and her family, I'm more struggling to to comprehend that a house and street that's been such a big part of my life held such a terrible future. Also wondering, was she murdered where I used to sleep, or my kids slept when they stayed over, or in the bathroom where we relaxed etc. I think once I have the answers I'll move forward personally

I'm sorry op, I personally don't think you should be looking for answers just because you once lived there. A family are grieving and heartbroken. It's in very bad taste if you continue to seek answers that don't concern you personally.
My sympathies are with the family.

Frankly I think people who are saying you are ridiculous are bizarre or live in areas where murder is common! Especially it if was somewhere you had owned, done up, loved.

Death is grim and painful for the majority

Of course it isn't!

Most people die very peacefully.

I understand you op , there was a women near to where I live who died after a fight with her partner and it unnerved me for days, I didn’t know the poor woman, I knew who she was to look at but that’s it,

In ops case it’s also compounded by the face she was murdered in obviously what was once ops safe place, where she brought her baby home

X sorry fact not face

I know exactly what you mean OP as I have had something very similar. I found that it helped to talk to friends and acquaintances to get my head around the idea and ten years on I don’t dwell on it any more.

I get it OP, and yanbu to feel upset and unsettled by this.

My husband committed suicide in my house. I still live there, have no problem with using that room, but have never told visitors any details.

FesteredFairy. You are made of stronger stuff than many of us I imagine.

A very small amount of people die peacefully or quietly. Most of us will go out kicking and screaming just as we came in. Murder is grim but death is grim and painful for the majority.

Speaking factually this is simply not true. Have a look at some stats on cause of death in the UK. It's very, very common for people to die in their sleep, or to die very suddenly.

Where I used to live we had a serial murderer. The whole town was turned upside down and basically closed off for weeks and weeks while it happened. Police everywhere. Most company’s didn’t let women work on their own and the streets were so quiet at night. It was in the news as it was just awful. Those poor girls.
It took ages for me to feel safe in my own town again. And the vision of what the town became in that time has stayed with me. So I understand.