To find friendships too hard work?

[gincaketeathatisme]

These last few months I've noticed how drained I'm feeling with some of my friendships.
I work 10hr shifts 6 days out of 10, so my time off is precious and mostly directed towards my family and resting/recovering from long/night shifts.
I can't be doing the constant demand and neediness to be in touch from certain friends. I'm in several group chats and if I'm working a late shift, I can open them up after a shift to find 200 + messages and simply don't have the time to go through them all.
I have no desire to be social, I can't be doing with listening to petty issues and how my sahm friends struggle to look after one child who is at school and also manage all the house work...(bite tongue time). I don't need others for support and I love my own company. AIBU to distance myself from friendship circles for an easier life? I'm actually a nice, up beat person who loves a simple and easy life with no interferences.

People are so rude on here. I suspect there's an element of defensiveness going on.

No, I think it was the OP who was being quite rude and sneary about the people generating messages on whatever social media platform it was, then trying to get people on here to validate the decision to get shot of those "friends". Why do that!? It's just an alternative form of bitching behind people's back.

Think this distinction between “friends” and “packs” is important. When you’re younger you tend to amass a lot if these packs and social media amplifies this. Some people thrive in these and find them supportive (extroverts), others find them overwhelming. But even the most extrovert person will struggle to keep up with every person in each one of these groups. Also they aren’t conducive to real intimacy.

I would concentrate on the people within the groups who you have a genuine bond with and stop trying to keep up with the pack thing. If it gets too much, don’t be afraid to step back from it. And develop boundaries so you’re doing things and seeing people you genuinely want to rather than just going along with the pack for it’s own sake.

In my 20s and 30s I wanted to be in a 'pack' but it was hard work and I wasnt very happy. In my 40s I still have the same friends but weve grown and matured together and dont feel the need to be in each others pockets all the time. We have 2 WhatsApp groups and it doesnt and up with hundreds of unread messages as we all too busy. Yes I'm a SAHM and home edder plus I have my grandson after school. I was in a group with some long distant friends but I couldn't keep up with it and said I was leaving but not because of them I just felt guilty not being able to reply constantly. In my 20s I would never have done that but as you get older you get more confident that you're true friends are there wether you chat daily, monthly yearly. Xxxx

I like a mix of pack and more intimate connections personally

Arghhh sorry for the typos ha ha. Doesnt look good as a home edder. I'm typing on the run xx

Just come off the group chats. I hate large what’s app groups and get really irritated by them.

@Thunderclearstheair in many ways I agree with you when you say that they are not friends, mainly because none of my other friends behave that way, but as much as I have pulled myself back from them, we still have great chat on the phone and through WhatsApp, or on occasion when we meet up. But I will admit that now I can see their past controlling behaviour for what it was, I'm much more guarded and reserved, and I honestly wouldn't class them as the close friends which we once were. Believe it or not, those were only one example each, when in all honesty, I have so many to choose from it would make you wonder why I was so blind to it at the time!

Hi OP,
Right now life is busy with family (kids? Partner?) and shift work and you might benefit from taking a step back in any demanding friendships - but don't give up on friends completely. Keep making some effort with the people you value and long term friends. Life will change in time and one day you could have grown children that have moved out/retire /find yourself alone or a full time carer. There may come a time when you need friends even though you don't feel you need them now.

You are all boring snowflakes.
Get over yourselves.

@Grannywanny

Then delete yourself from the group - problem solved.
I think you’re b

Sorry got cut off.

Think you’re being a bit petty though, people are allowed to vent their feelings to friends without being one upped as to who is the most tired- that’s lame snd what happens when one of the group does longer shifts than you? That means you don’t get to complain about anything doesn’t it?

By all means dump your friends but just be aware that there will come a time when you need them and if you’ve burnt all your bridges what then?