To think this is rude

[Northernsoulgirl45]

So this year I actually got some really thoughtful gifts ftom dh.
I used them today and I made a point of thsnking him and saying how good and useful they were.
I got no response
Aibu to think this is rude.

Not sure what you are looking for?

He's bought you some presents you were really pleased with.
I presume you thanke him and let him know how chuffed you were when you opened them.
You've started using them and smiled to yourself and decided to thank him again.
What, exactly do you want him to do ?

Context?
Was this in a text whilst he was at work, he meant to say “glad you liked them” when he got in, but life took over?
That’s different to you saying thank you to his face and him blanking you.

Or your first line actually sounds quite barbed. So was your thanking him actually seen by him to be a passive dig about previous presents, and he’s wisely ignoring that shit?

Impossible to say whether YABU with more context.

*without!

Does it matter?

Is he meant to thank you for thanking him? And then do you thank him for thanking you for thanking him? How far does this go?

@nocoolnamesleft

“No, thank YOU!”

Yup.

It was face to face. I came home after using items and said words to the effect of thank you they are great. No reponse.
But clearly I am expecting too much.

Just a glad you like them them would be nice.

Your “clearly I am expecting too much” is the kind of passive aggressive comment I mean!

If you face to face thanked him for them, and he just blanked you - then yes, of course that’s rude. It doesn’t matter that it was about the presents, or whether you’d thanked him before. It’s about the rudeness in ignoring someone. If I say to my husband “how was work today?” I don’t expect him to ignore me, walk off, or say “I’m going for a bike ride tomorrow”.

I suppose it is barbed as we have different gift styles I guess. He has a llong list of things he would like but I suppose I prefer smaller surprises.
Generally if I don't say exactly what I want I get a gift voucher.
Yet this year I got some unexpected thoughtfull items. I thanked him on the day of course but again upon use.
Anything obviously overthinking as had too much wine.

I only said I am expecting too much due to the high percentage of yabu.
Msybe I do come across as passive aggressive.

However, if you said “thanks again for the wellies, helped with a muddy dog walk today! What do you fancy for dinner?” - then I don’t think it’s rude not to acknowledge your thanks.

I'm finding it hard to picture. I would find it rude if I was talking to someone and they didn't respond to me, especially if I was saying something nice but are you sure it was meant deliberately or was he just being modest or lost in thought?

My STBEH does this all the time. Has always done it. I'll say something (which is obviously supposed to be conversation) and he'll just look at me.
I used to think he was rude,
Then it moved to just not very good with interpersonal communication.
I'm now on, he's a moron.

So he's a moron with the problem of communication and rudeness.

Your lovely husband may suffer the same. Unless it's a one off.

I can’t see the % split because there isn’t enough info to go on so I haven’t voted

It does sound like there’s more behind your feelings on gift giving that could be muddying the waters here.

I think I just makes ne feel sometimes pretty low in the pecking order.

I'm sure he's pleased you are happy. I mean, no one wants to hear the recipient doesn't like the present bought for them

I’m sorry to hear that
I wouldn’t get too hung up on the % here (whatever it is!) because responses to incidents in isolation really don’t often make sense to people not living your relationship with the wider context.

That just it though lady he would uld snd has said when I giot it wrong.
Eg I purchased a book written by someone he admired.
He later said he was bored as couldn't use tech. I suggested book and he said he didn't want to read it. Still hasn't

Thank you ellisandra

Does he have to acknowledge your repeated acknowledgements? It’s all getting a bit crazy, isn’t it?