Am I really the big bad witch

[MouseDL]

So I have 2 DS 9 and 7, DH has DD 11 and DS7 who loves with us 50/50 and share a room at our house as they do at there mums house, my boys also share a room. At mums house DSS has ‘sexually touched’ her partner’s son on 2 known occasions. The first DSS said someone did it to him at school so DH and ex went straight down there, 2nd occasion he admitted he lied and DH ex played it down and swept it away.
I work in a role with a lot of involvement with social care, social workers etc and I know this would be looked into seriously if am incident was reported- I don’t know the other children’s Mums and what her view is. Since second incident I have stated DSS will never share a room with my DS as I refuse to put them in an environment where there could potentially be a risk and he has form for going (aggressively) for my younger. DH made a big deal spoke to me like shit how I was ruining his sons fun they had triple bunk beds and he was excited and I had ruined that and I had no reason, in front of DH parents and all 4 children.
Am I really being out of order and should I ignore this risk however small despite knowing of 2 separate occasions to keep the peace for 2 nights while away

Your ex “told” you that a charity said it’s ok for kids to touch each other. Well he would say that if he wants to minimise and contain this issue wouldn’t he. Or if he or a friend/relative is grooming or abusing the child and didn’t want to stop.

What he said and what the truth is could be two completely different things. Or not. Only one way to find out.

Why don’t you secretly phone the same charity and tell them what you’ve told us and look for advice.

A fiver says they don’t say what your ex said they did. But if they do then that will put your mind at rest.

I appreciate this is a dilemma for you but your relationship with him shouldn’t prevent you ensuring that the child is ok. You can’t sit by and do nothing.

I knew a supply teacher who caught a kid fondling another kid in gym, when she asked what was happening the kid said “it’s ok, uncle John says it’s ok to do this”

She told nobody. Unbelievable.

It had happened years before I knew about it so I couldn’t help the child, but it changed how I felt about her (avoided her as disgusted) and how I can’t sit by and do nothing now when I hear stuff. Poor little kid.

Please don’t do nothing.

YABU to use Witch as a derogatory term.

You need to report - this happened to me as a child and it messed me up. I can only imagine what had gone on in the other child's life to cause them to do it to me. You can't just leave it. All children involved will need help and support.

Why does someone who has a job like yours have to come on Mumsnet to ask what to do?
And you're not even asking if you should report it or not, you're asking if keeping them in separate rooms is okay!!!!

You report it. Today.
Not just for other children's safety but because it will enable pathways to begin that ensure he himself gets help and assessed to ensure he hasn't picked up that behaviour from being abused himself.

And if you are experienced in this field, like you say, then you'd know that just because the sun comes up doesn't make those feelings disappear. If he wants to do that to another child at night, he'll want to do it in the daytime too. And it only takes a split second when your back is turned to do it.

Stop pussyfooting around. YOU are meant to be the 'safe' person. Put him and other children first and bloody report it. Now.

No I wouldn’t let mine share with him but I also wouldn’t stay in a relationship with someone who hasn’t done anything about their son sexually touching others.

Perhaps I’m naive but the boy learned this from somebody. Your partner isn’t wanting to investigate it. It therefore points to him either being guilty of the abuse himself or knowing full well who is and not doing anything about it. I don’t know which is worse.

Rightly ir wrongly, This was my first thought. I would not let this lie AT ALL