Was this domestic abuse

[SquidwardTennisballs]

Hi,
So I’m really struggling with myself right now and a lot of feelings and emotions but I think most of this might have stemmed from an ex from 2 years ago. I have not had a relationship since and feel absolutely no need to either.
He was older than me by about 10 years and I was only 17 at the time and only announcing our relationship to the world when I turned 18. It was a 2 year long relationship and in that time I only ever met his mom, stepdad, brother and aunt. No friends and not his father either.
No explanation to things apart from “we will when it’s time” fine not a big deal I though I’d meet them eventually! But he did things to me. He would leave me on read for hours or days if I had something he didn’t agree with and would only talk to me if I apologised. We had a stupid argument when we were drunk over chicken, of all bloody things, and he stubbed a cigarette out on my shoulder 3 times (I still bear the scars and it’s been 5 years.)
He did other things aswell that I don’t feel comfortable talking about on here but they were not pleasant. I am still attracted to men and have had sex with many men since that relationship due to a rebellious streak/time against everything but never desired for a relationship since then. I guess I just need to know whether I was in domestic violence relationship when I was younger and that’s why I feel so fucked up now? AIBU to feel like this?

Yes that was abuse, get counselling or talk to someone irl so you can move on. What a horrible arse hole he sounds like, don't let him ruin your chances of future happiness and relationships

It sounds very much as if it was. I am not surprised you still feel damaged. There are places who can help and on MN if you search a bit, there are often links to them.
You are free of him now though. Here's to your future,

Yes, that’s abusive.

And you don’t need to justify having sex with lots of men since, it’s not rebellious - you can do whatever you want! Though I would look into doing some counselling to help you choose healthy relationships in the future. You are worth much more than that abusive arsehole.

Yes, that was abuse.

Yes, that was abuse.

You sound traumatised. If you can access therapy it might help.

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk might help with making sense of what happened.

SquidwardTennisballs
Yes this was abuse I am sorry you went through this. It's not and should never be a normal experience to have someone threat you, or anyone, the way you have been threated
If you would like an indept discussion I would recommend to post this on the feminist board, there is a lot of help, discussion and knowledge for women in your situation.
Yanbu op and he took advantage of your age at the time.

it certainly was domestic abuse, you can still ring womens aid and talk about it.. have you heard about The Freedom Programme? ask womens aid about it, you learn about abuse and how to recognise it, its life changing, I recommend it. youre not fucked up at all, lots of women go through this but I think you need to talk to someone about it