To feel like I’ve not achieved anything in the last decade.

[Pop2017]

Everyone on social media is reflecting on the last decade. I am only 28 and have had two beautiful children, met my wonderful partner etc but I feel like I’ve not done anything else.

The first 2 years of the decade were terrible. I was in a relationship at the very start with someone who broke my heart. I met my sons dad who also treated me badly and emotionally abused me. I met my partner when my son was 1.

Both children have additional needs and I have struggled to go back to work and hold down a job because of their additional needs. My partner is quite happy to work and provide. He is the dad of my youngest but not my oldest but treats them the same.

We live in a house he bought before we were together so I feel like I’ve never contributed.

My relationship with my family has become strained. They haven’t treated me well in the past.

I don’t have many close friends.

I feel Like I’ve become boring. Like I have no purpose. Doing the same thing day in day out.

I don’t really have any hobbies or interests. I live in the middle of nowhere.

Other than having the children and meeting my partner, moving in together nothing significant has happened in a decade. Only had one holiday. Not drank alcohol or had a night out in years.

Not really an aibu and I’m not looking for sympathy but I just don’t know how to change things.

Would you like a hobby? Was there anything you used to enjoy when you were younger?

Other than having the children and meeting my partner, moving in together nothing significant has happened

You know that that’s a Lot of significant things, right? What else exactly were you looking for?

Gosh, I feel like this. I even dropped out of OU due to a non sleeping child.
I've kept my job but everything else has gone to rack and ruin 🤷‍♀️.

Tbh the last decade had been a bit meh. I had both my dc but thats ( realistically) not a massive personal endorsement. However, having kids is an energy suck so I can forgive myself a coasty decade. Back on it in 2020!!!

I sort of get what you mean.

At the beginning of this decade I had just started my first "proper" job - and was resolutely single - I'd not had a serious relationship in over seven years. New year's eve 2009 was a pretty miserable one, but I'd completed university and my postgraduate qualification, had travelled a lot, and I had my whole career ahead of me.

Fast forward to now. I've been with my partner for nine and a half years, married for well over four, and have two small children. I never thought that my personal life would be this great - I think a part of me thought I was generally unloveable and was supposed to stay single.

On the flipside to that, my mother died suddenly and completely unexpectedly in 2014. I was also made redundant shortly after falling pregnant with my first child, and between that and maternity leave and not bothering to find another job afterwards (inheritance paid off our mortgage), haven't got anything to show career wise for the entire decade.

I do feel a bit "lost", even though I am extremely happy with my little family. I think as I had a difficult time of it emotionally in the noughties I invested a lot in my identity as someone who would be independent, but also have career success and change the world, and that's not happened, and probably never really will now.

I have taken on a role that is rewarding, but my path has changed completely from ten years ago. This all has also made me ponder what my life will be like by Christmas 2029...

It’s a time of reflection. Where would you like to be ten years from now? If you can figure it out you can work towards that . Small steps. 👍

Please do not compare your life to others musings on social media.

I've just posted on social media my mentioning my "achievements" over the past decade. They pretty much included what you have just said aren't achievements! Lol
2009 I got engaged, then married, moved house and had our DD.
But what I didn't mention was that to do all those things, we had to sell our flat in negative equity, move in with my parents to be able to buy anything else. Went through 4 years of infertility and then IVF, a long run of PND which put a strain on our relationship etc etc etc amongst all that was the standard holidays and fun times!

Have I climbed Mount Everest? Or found a cure for anything? Have I beat a world record? Nope! Not even close.
But the fact I am still here after everything, the fact that my DH and I are still together through it all is a massive achievement to us.

You should be proud of being you!!! But also be proud that you have spotted an area of growth for you. Take the time to think about what you really think is missing. A hobby? Then do some investigating into what to u think you might like to do. Sign up for some classes. There are tons out there! X