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Original poster

Civil Partnerships for heterosexual couples?

144 replies

LoopyGremlin · 31/12/2019 13:30

Perhaps I don’t know enough about it, but why would some couples prefer this to a simple, low-key registry office marriage?

OP posts:
HavelockVetinari · 31/12/2019 20:23

Tell you what, I'd love to see the legions of men squirming right now, who had told their DP that they "don't believe in marriage" which is why they won't give her any legal protection if he fucks off. Bet you a million quid they'll have yet another excuse for not getting a CP - "it's just a piece of paper, our love is so much more than that!" Then 10 years later when he leaves her and the DC she realises she's not entitled to any of the house, pensions or cash, and that she'll get a very minimal amount of child support till the youngest turns 18 after which she's on her own, with no career or property. These shitbags won't change.

Shimy · 31/12/2019 20:24

In the event of a divorce/dissolution: adultery can be used as a reason the marriage has broken down but can't be used as evidence in a civil partnership.

Is that because in a CP, you do not swear to be ‘exclusive’ to all others?
That would be a BIG difference.

lozster · 31/12/2019 20:26

^ She looked like she'd just woken up, quickly cleaned the kitchen, and hung the washing out, then grabbed her coat on the way out. wink

And HE didn't look much better!

Could have made a bit of effort with their appearance FFS. ^

MistyCloud

For me that’s the point of CP - It’s a utility not an occasion. The social conventions around it are less tied down than those around marriage. So less pressure to dress up, or have guests there. Yeah I know you can do that with a marriage too, but I can imagine getting a CP and saying to (non-invited) relatives/friends that it’s just paperwork, nothing to see, just in my jeans
Etc and this being less offensive than missing a wedding where the social conventions are pretty well know.

Plus on top of that the thought of being a wife makes me cringe. Just a personal opinion... but all these things make me more open to CP than marriage.

Notenoughbookshelves · 31/12/2019 20:28

I disagree I think lots of men and women who really dislike the idea of marriage will sign up for this. Lots of people don’t marry because it’s not for them. Most have very little to lose from marriage and really don’t give it much thought other than ugh.

BoxedWine · 31/12/2019 20:34

If a CP cheated and the other wanted a dissolution they'd just petition on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour instead.

BigChocFrenzy · 31/12/2019 20:36

It could protect some (mostly) women who can't bear to have a registry office wedding, so spend years saving to get married - years in which they don't have legal protection

They can have a civil partnership without delay, then upgrade to a wedding when they've saved up

BigChocFrenzy · 31/12/2019 20:38

Civil partnership just doesn't have all the expectation (by some) of massive expense and invitations,
so is very accessible for the function of putting the legal potections in place

speakout · 31/12/2019 20:48
  • She looked like she'd just woken up, quickly cleaned the kitchen, and hung the washing out, then grabbed her coat on the way out. wink

And HE didn't look much better!

Could have made a bit of effort with their appearance FFS.*

I agree with the PPS. And in fact the poster that said this has neatly pointed out one of the reasons that marriage turns many people off.
It is the expectation of others- often family, that a wedding should be an event, big dresses, expensive receptions, invitation cards, cars, flowers.....
And yes I know it can be done much more simply, and needn't be expensive, but in reality there is pressure.
OH and I have been together 23 years- unmarried, both loathe the idea of all the fuss, have toyed with the idea of getting married on the sly, but know that it would really upset some family members if they were not invited.
And if we invite a few, others would have to be invited and the whole thing would be a wedding monster with legs.

And that is just part of why I dislike the idea of marriage- religion, patriarchy etc.
But a civil partnership means we could pop down in casual clothes, sign he papers and carry on with our day.

Sounds perfect.

Shimy · 31/12/2019 21:03

Does anyone know the answer to my question up thread? is ‘cheating’ actually a concept in a civil partnership?

ALSO

Can you be in a civil partnership with more than one person?

BoxedWine · 31/12/2019 21:09

You can't be in a CP with more than one person and it's possible to petition for dissolution of CP on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour when one party has cheated. The reason adultery was never a specific ground in itself for CP dissolution is because in divorce law adultery always meant PIV sex.

Shimy · 31/12/2019 21:11

Thanks Boxed.

MereDintofPandiculation · 01/01/2020 09:47

The reason adultery was never a specific ground in itself for CP dissolution is because in divorce law adultery always meant PIV sex. Hence not relevant for a same-sex civil partnership, and then they just ported all the terms and conditions across when they opened it to opposite sex couples?

lynsey91 · 01/01/2020 09:56

I saw one couple on local news and the woman was saying she didn't believe in traditional marriage, it was old fashioned blah blah. Showed them at their civil partnership and she had a full blown white meringue wedding dress on!

So do couples in a civil partnership call each other husband and wife or is it that lovely romantic term "partner"?

lynsey91 · 01/01/2020 09:59

@speakout you could of course just pop to the local register office in casual clothes, get 2 witnesses off the street, sign and then carry on with your day.

Why would you relatives be less upset at you having a civil partnership than a register office wedding? At least one is a proper marriage

speakout · 01/01/2020 10:13

At least one is a proper marriage

Maybe I don't see any value in a " proper marriage".

Zone4flaneur · 01/01/2020 10:19

Yes of course you can have whatever you want in a ceremony, but the patriarchal history of marriage- in particular the rights of men over womens' bodies- means I have never wanted to do it.

But we do need to tie a couple of legal things up- specifically who acts as next of kin and avoiding paying IHT on the house of one of us dies (London, we are not loaded!) CP is the only way for us to do that without getting married.

Yes - it is problematic that CP only came about as a homophobic solution to marriage for same sex couples. But pretending that access to marriage somehow erases the homophobic history of marriage, and is therefore preferable on those grounds is bonkers.

lynsey91 · 01/01/2020 10:26

Maybe I don't see any value in a non marriage which is "just a piece of paper"

Smileatthesmallthings · 01/01/2020 11:04

My wife and I had a civil partnership 10 years ago when it was the only option available to us. From the start we referred to one another as wife and always said we were married. We converted our CP to a marriage 5 years ago when it became an option because it seemed the sensible thing to do. Neither option had any different significant change in meaning for our relationship, but we enjoyed the equality in the law.

In terms of difference, I believe a CP had (I am unsure whether it still remains) an inequality in pension rights, and, as stated above, cannot be dissolved on terms of adultery as (I believe) that is legally defined as a woman cheating on her husband.

For those of you saying that a CP is less than marriage, I believe it is what you make of it. We had a 'wedding': I wore a dress, there was a party and a cake and in the eyes of everyone who attended and everyone we have met since, we were/are married and equal to the heterosexual, married couples we know.

RedPanda2 · 01/01/2020 11:32

@Zone4flaneur hear hear!!

Getitwright · 01/01/2020 11:39

It’s another choice, for whatever the participants needs and wants, it does offer far greater legal protection for all concerned. Why it’s taken this long to be made law is just baffling.

SarahNade · 01/01/2020 11:46

@speakout there are no legal or spousal protections with a Civil Partnership. Marriage affords you legal and financial protection. And marriage is NOT religious or patriarchal (not sure where you got that from?)? You can get married at a registry office with 2 workmates as witnesses. No need for any fuss, and no one will be upset, because no friends or family attended and no friends or family were left out. Marriage is about you and your spouse. Not your family. That's an excuse. But I guess if you're happy with not having the same legal and financial protections as others, that's up to you. Sounds like cutting off your nose to spite your face, to me.

Zone4flaneur · 01/01/2020 12:00

@SarahNade CPs in the UK offer all the same legal and tax benefits as marriage.

What 'protection' are you talking about specifically?

RedPanda2 · 01/01/2020 12:05

@SarahNade why do you think that? CP's were introduced to give couples the same legal and financial protections as marriage. Which they do.

mencken · 01/01/2020 12:14

What struck me about the CP couples was that they looked relaxed, comfortable, dressed for mid winter and unfussed. Probably because it is just a bit of paperwork rather than a massive amount of organisational effort.

MN would go into meltdown if anyone suggested that a traditional bride; unflattering dead white toilet-roll top dress, hideously overdone hair, inch thick make up, teetering heels and a fortune spent on one day actually didn't look very good. Yet the nasty comments on appearance (ALL focussed on the female) go unchallenged here.

so much for the sisterhood.

VirtualHamster · 01/01/2020 12:17

Civil partnership appeals to me as it feels akin to signing a legal agreement. No spoken words required at all. No backstory or history, just paperwork.

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