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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS's scooter

23 replies

BernadetteThreep · 31/12/2019 09:56

My DS's father got him a push scooter for Christmas. He knew he was getting it, and for weeks has been really excited to ride it to school.

I've just been told by my ex that the scooter "isn't for me" and will be staying at his house. I haven't told DS yet. He's been so excited to use it for going to school. I know it sounds petty, but he promised DS he would be getting XY and Z for Christmas. Then on the 23rd Dec told me he wouldn't be getting him them. And now he can't even use the scooter for getting to school.

He doesn't pay maintenance, the scooter wouldn't be mine it would be DS's. Am I being petty or is he?

OP posts:
thejollyroger · 31/12/2019 09:58

Why doesn’t he pay maintenance? That seems the bigger issue here.

Louise91417 · 31/12/2019 09:58

How often is ds at fathers house?

itsgettingweird · 31/12/2019 10:01

It's not uncommon for parents to buy children stuff to be used at their home.

He should be paying maintenance.

Your ds response will be based on how you deliver the information.
If you are just factual that "daddy got you the scooter and therefore he wants it at his house for you" he's less likely to see a problem than if you say it with a negative undertone or that you think daddy is wrong.

His dad making promises he doesn't keep is between him and his father. He'll work out that relationship and his feelings on that himself.

Original poster
BernadetteThreep · 31/12/2019 10:04

The no maintenance issue is a long story. Our relationship ended because he was abusive, he still makes me nervous even though we've been separated for years. When I've asked in the past he's said he'll give me "£20 max a month" - but even that has never turned up. He seems to think he pays enough for our DS when he's round there.
I've agreed with my partner we'll seek advice in the new year about it

He's at his dad's most Saturdays

OP posts:
Original poster
BernadetteThreep · 31/12/2019 10:07

@itsgettingweird - it's just so sad, I feel like I'm always trying to cover up his father's broken promises. I have always tried to spin it so I don't put his dad in a bad light. I'm just sick and tired of it Sad

I know it's just a scooter, but we all have our breaking points...

OP posts:
T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 31/12/2019 10:09

You don’t need to say anything to your son, about the scooter. Leave it up to his scummy dad to explain to him.

Original poster
BernadetteThreep · 31/12/2019 10:20

I rushed out on Christmas Eve to try and get a couple of the presents he had promised my DS. I'm such a sap covering up for this guy. I know one day DS will see his dad for who he is, I know I'm over compensating.

I feel so stupid

OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 31/12/2019 10:45

Get yourself on to the CMS. Get maintenance sorted. www.gov.uk/making-child-maintenance-arrangement/using-child-maintenance-service

Stop letting his dad continue to abuse you.

Ignore his promises to ds, clearly they are worthless. When his dad promised him something and doesn't deliver let him explain don't keep spending more than you are comfortable making up for him - he is continuing to abuse you.

Ellie56 · 31/12/2019 10:54

Yes stop covering up for your Twat Ex. Your son will soon come to his own conclusions about his useless father.

And go through CMS to make him bloody well pay maintenance. As PP said he is continuing to abuse you.

Rosehip10 · 31/12/2019 10:54

I know it's a pain, but could you get him a scooter?

Original poster
BernadetteThreep · 31/12/2019 11:13

@ellie56 - sorry what I said PP?

I have thought about buying another scooter, it’s not a big deal. But that’s why I’m here. He has a scooter and it’s just been Christmas. I’m conflicted.

I will definitely look at CMS thank you everyone Smile DS is 7 now, we broke up when he was 3 months old. So this sort of behaviour has been going on long enough.

OP posts:
Original poster
BernadetteThreep · 31/12/2019 11:14
  • what is PP

Not I said PP

OP posts:
Bumply · 31/12/2019 11:17

PP = previous poster

Rollonspringtime2020 · 31/12/2019 11:19

Buy another scooter op. Take the power away from him. Also ds will see for himself what a twat he is. Pointless allowing him sat up there on a pedastal ime..

Soubriquet · 31/12/2019 11:21

Yes, take the power away.

Go through CMS and make him pay maintenance.

Buy him the scooter so that dad looks like a twat

AdobeWanKenobi · 31/12/2019 11:32

Buy another scooter. A better scooter, with a bell and ribbons on the handles. Then go through CMS and get what your boy is entitled to.

2020 is the year you can take back control.

Thehop · 31/12/2019 11:35

Please go to CMS for maintainence now. Use it to buy a scooter

He’s a twat. Take away his power.

Original poster
BernadetteThreep · 31/12/2019 11:51

Thank you so much! Really thought I was over reacting about a bloody scooter!

I will get maintenance. My son deserves so much BETTER.

I have feared him for too long

OP posts:
StrongerThanIThought76 · 31/12/2019 11:54

C. M. S. TODAY. NOW. Do it online. Take back the control. And tell ds simply that you're sorry but daddy wants to keep the scooter at his house. Put some of the responsibility back to dad.

But, first, CMS

Freddiefox · 31/12/2019 11:55

have thought about buying another scooter, it’s not a big deal. But that’s why I’m here. He has a scooter and it’s just been Christmas. I’m conflicted.

Buy him another scooter, ex is playing a game, probably wants you to beg or something, or you to drag the scooter back and forth to his house all the time and the time you forget he gets to kick off about how he got the scooter.

Take yourself out the game and leave him to it.

JasonPollack · 31/12/2019 11:58

When you get your maintenance you can buy him a scooter. Try to speak to your ex the bare bare minimum. Even if he's trying to wind you up like now just don't engage with him. He likes being able to mess with you still.

Pop2017 · 31/12/2019 12:15

While it’s not uncommon for the other parent to buy gifts and keep them at their place. In this instance your son should be allowed to bring the scooter home with him. Assuming you have him most of the time and he wants to ride the scooter for school.. your ex sounds like a bit of a knob.

My ex bought our son a bike for Christmas. He brought it home as he would barely use it if it was left there.

itsgettingweird · 01/01/2020 18:17

Please don't feel stupid. We all want our children to be happy.

But stop covering for his dad. You don't have to bad mouth him but just tell him to ask his father anything he asks you about promises.

You and your partner be the best parents you can be independent to that.

Thanks
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