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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Snakey mate

12 replies

Sweetcustard · 30/12/2019 23:16

A few weeks ago I was out with hubby and our mates. Hubby was really drunk and went home early, and I stayed out with our mates. Men and women group. At the end of the night I went to get a taxi home, hubby's friend, of lot's of years, said they would wait for a taxi with me.
Then suddenly they tried to kiss me! And I said NO!! But they kept saying oh come on come on. And when insisted NO! They kept asking me to promise to not tell hubby. They actually grabbed my face and put their lips on mine!
Me and hubby have a good relationship so of course I told him and he laughed it off and said, well when he gets a new partner he gets first dibs 😅
(Joking of course!)
Anyway, the friend in question is going through a divorce, and unhappy at the moment. I obviously told hubby don't mention anything to him about the kiss thing...he was probably just drunk etc
So this weekend I went out with my friends, and the next morning hubby has a text off said friend saying I was such a mess and dancing with other guys, and basically I was being dodgy?! Not sure how because I was with my friends!?
But my hubby showed me the message his friend sent, and agreed it was probably because he's going through a divorce and just upset right now. (Jealous)

I really want to message him and call him out for shit stirring. I didn't do anything! Just drink and boogie and go home.

I feel like said friend was jealous or something! There's only a few clubs round here so we're at the same venues.
I don't even know what reply I want!
I'm just annoyed Tbh

OP posts:
windycuntryside · 30/12/2019 23:34

Don’t do anything. He is a shit stirring little prick, bruised by your rejection. Don’t feed the monster!
Your dh comment re first dibs is gross... joke or not.

Original poster
Sweetcustard · 30/12/2019 23:41

Aw of course he didn't mean it lol! He was just trying to make humour of the situation. My hubby's not like that, it was just our inside joke in response to his drunk friend.
I'm just fizzing his friend didn't disclose ALL the facts!!
😡 Hubby knows as well as I.
I'm just annoyed people are so blatantly two faced!!!

OP posts:
steff13 · 30/12/2019 23:44

I wouldn't respond, but I'd also pull back from the friendship (both your and your husband). If your husband wants to respond, maybe something just saying he trusts you, and leave it at that.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 30/12/2019 23:48

They tried to kiss you?. Is that not a form of assault. Confused
Or at the very least highly intimidating.
It's nothing for your DH to joke about. Id hope my DP would rip th e m a new one.

thepeopleversuswork · 30/12/2019 23:49

I would go fucking nuclear on him but that’s probably not the sensible approach as it would force your DH into a really tricky corner.

Ultimately though I think your DH - and you - need to pull away from this guy. He’s clearly toxic and unpleasant.

Danni12 · 30/12/2019 23:49

I wouldn't respond, I think he's stirring because you rejected him. I would step right back from this friendship and I wouldn't be so forgiving of him. He may be going through a divorce but coming on to you is inexcusable and holding your face and trying to kiss you against your will is actually sexual assault

LadyLightning · 30/12/2019 23:55

Good thing you and your husband are so solid - friend is trying to get in first and blacken your name so anything you say about him is not taken seriously. You both need to take a step back from this man, or if anyone speaks to him, it should be your husband who makes it clear he doesnt believe this nonsense.

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 30/12/2019 23:57

Both of you need to cut him out of your lives. He’s just going to try and stir up shit because you knocked him back. He’s a prick.

Original poster
Sweetcustard · 31/12/2019 00:08

Yes. Exactly what I thought! This friends ex wife and I got on well with when we met. I know what I need to do. I'm really just venting because I'm just annoyed! 😡

OP posts:
Danni12 · 31/12/2019 00:10

You have every right to be annoyed

darthbreakz · 31/12/2019 00:32

This dude sounds batshit tbh. Personally if he made any more moves either towards you or between you and your husband, I think the best thing to do would be for you and your DH to present a calm, understanding but totally united front.

It sounds like you have a really amazing relationship with your husband. If I was in this position, I'd be discussing what the best thing to do about it was with my DH.

Because he's a long standing friend, maybe your husband could reach out to him and offer him a shoulder to cry on because he's obviously not coping very well. The nicer side of me says call him out on it but with the offer of support for what he's going through - he sounds like he's in a bad way and so he's being an ass and needs compassion; the harsher side of me says that once you've called it out and he knows he's not coming between you, if he tries it on again, cut him out of your lives - you can not have someone trying to force themselves on you!

Savingshoes · 31/12/2019 00:50

Snakey is a good description, abusive is probably better.
He obviously banked on the idea that you and your husband don't communicate about being taken advantage of/pushed into something you had clearly said no to.
He's a bully and thought your husband would side with him and you his victim would be held accountable for his actions.
Could be the tip of the iceberg of things to come.
Run.

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