To think it's not unreasonable for my ex to collect from school 2 afternoons per week

[Chociefish]

I've been having a heated text discussion with my ex tonight that I don't think it's unreasonable for him to collect his dc from school 2 afternoons per week. He finishes work at 3.30 for a half of the year and I don't think it's too much to ask for him to collect them on the nights he would normally have them for tea.

To give this some background he doesn't have a life or death job and has ample opportunity to make up the half hour yet he he refuses.

We split over a year ago for lots of reasons but one of these reasons was the lack of effort he put into me and the dc. In his eyes work came first end of.

I regularly have to push him to see his dc. I work as well and in my book family home first. Am I expecting too much?

Ah, my apologies Jaqueshammer. It's difficult to get tone across in text isn't it and I wasn't biting back either just trying to clarify. I haven't been on mumsnet long but I can say that that the impartial views are helping to find a sense of perspective and balance.

No need to apologise at all! Didn’t want you to think I was getting at you, when it was quite the opposite!

Alternatively what is wrong with doing as he suggested, especially if it's only 10 minutes from the school? I can't understand why you think it would be better not to do that but to take the DC back to yours, 12 miles away. It sounds to me as if you are just angry with him still and aren't thinking of what is best for your DC

For Christ sake, why can’t HE pick them up??? It’s not a woman’s job to run around facilitating a man’s life in order to make things easier for him, especially for a bloody ex! Bet you’d never in a million years expect a man do that for his ex wife.

OP, just stop doing it. Explain to the kids and let him have a tantrum about you stopping him seeing them, a lot of inadequate fathers do the same, you can’t let him use it as a tool to control you.

**Alternatively what is wrong with doing as he suggested, especially if it's only 10 minutes from the school? I can't understand why you think it would be better not to do that but to take the DC back to yours, 12 miles away. It sounds to me as if you are just angry with him still and aren't thinking of what is best for your DC

Because that means she is doing a 12 mile trip simple to pick her kids up from school and then go to her ex house until he is ready when he is only 10 mins away anyways, any has the flexibility to finish work early but is choosing not too. If the ex picked the kids up and then dropped them back off to hers after (or school next day) the OP wouldn't have to drive 12 miles full stop!

Why should the op do an unnecessarily 12 mile trip on the days the ex has the kids simple to make his life easier...

Put in black and white - email or text - saying that so he can spend more time with his children on his days he is to pick them up directly from school. Make it clear that it his responsibility to arrange childcare and that you are doing all you can to facilitate contact. Then as the years go on and if he continues to tell them you are withholding contact you will be able to show them the evidence to the contrary and his responses. What you are are asking for is more than reasonable and he should appreciate it!

“Okay no problem. Your nights for tea are Tuesday and Thursday. You’ll need to organise after school care on those days I’ve emailed school to say you’re the contact on those days” and walk away.