To be generally disappointed in people?

[TangledUpInGin]

There’s a few things that have happened this year that have really shaken my belief in people. I’d like to think I’m a pretty optimistic person, I do like to see the good in people, but quite honestly, the people who I would have regarded as pretty moralistic, have done things that I really cannot fathom. I’m taking about extra marital affairs, leaving spouses with young families, seeing friends husbands on old, just general shit behaviour. I’m aware I’m being massively judgemental and I am only seeing one side to all this, but its left me pretty disillusioned. I’m not perfect, I’d like to think I’m honest and trustworthy, but it makes me wonder why i bother if most others are just being shit!

A lot of people are self absorbed dickheads.

In the last 12-18 months I've seen an increase in an attitude of self-entitlement in people, often without merit, talent, or hard work, and that if you don't get what you want instantly its apparently reasonable to have a tantrum, swear and stamp your feet and make vague threats about the injustices of the world. And its coming from the older age groups too.

Retail at Christmas has been an absolute festive delight. You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat shop staff.

That’s why I choose to work with animals, OP.

I think the culture we live in has become very much everyone out for themselves. There are lots of reasons for that - decline in religion so no common agenda about morality. Lack of community, so no feeling 'we are in this together, let's look after each other'. The Govt seem corrupt and selfish and don't seem to care about the less fortunate. Everyone is struggling to survive and no one seems to help or notice, so it's a 'dog eat dog' mentality.
The Press focus on the negative almost exclusively and seize on gossip or nastiness as a way to sell more copies. They are looking for vulnerability, failure or weakness to write more articles that will sell. Look at the language they use, it's downright nasty. Especially the gutter press which has become more and more mainstream. Papers and magazines have become incredibly dumbed down now and there is very little serious journalism.
TV programmes are the same - poking fun at others, deriding others, trivial nonsense with no substance.
The roads are much more crowded, so everyone is jostling each other in a frantic rush to get to their destination. Everyone is in a hurry. Work has become a lot more mechanised, with targets and performance monitoring all the time. The Boss is under pressure to deliver, so they don't care about the feelings of those who work under them. The people at the bottom are looking to make their miserable lives easier so they cut corners or try to get what they can.
Doctors are under massive pressure. They don't listen to their patients properly. They've stopped diagnosing and just refer to dole out pills, often for the wrong thing because they don't have time to get a full picture.

Parents are mostly both working full time, little time to talk to each other, weekends are chores and food shopping. They are stressed, they don't give their children proper attention. The children are under huge pressure at school to perform, they compete with their friends on social media which makes them all feel inadequate.
We are all being told to buy this or that and it will make us happy. No focus on relationships, just things.
The world we live in has become a very stressful place to be. People are trying to get by and look after their own. The vulnerable , elderly or those who can't cope very well get left by the roadside metaphorically.

I sometimes wonder what would happen if there were another war. Would we pull together as a nation, would we help each other? If there was an apocalypse would we become feral or would we try to support each other?
All we can do personally is try to live by a decent moral code. Help others, don't cheat, don't steal. Try not to be selfish. Behave with respect for others and do as we would be done by. Try to see the other person's point of view, not just our own. Volunteer, give to charity.
Don't read the press, don't go on social media. Try to be a considerate driver, give way to other drivers, keep your temper. Don't drive off if you hit someone or damage their car.
Don't buy into negativity and don't laugh at the weakness or struggles of others.
Work at something meaningful if you can and treat your colleagues with respect. Every person makes a difference.

Sunset, I do agree with you totally but I'm also humbled when I hear about the good things too. It's a shame that this is often overshadowed by all the bad things that go on.
We have become much more selfish ; I know I've changed a bit too over the years and it does become ' if you can't beat them, join them' which is wrong but sometimes the shitty behaviour makes me wonder why I bother trying to be nice when others get away with murder and nothing seems to happen to them.
It then becomes a vicious circle!

I’m honest and trustworthy, but it makes me wonder why i bother if most others are just being shit!

Most people aren't being shit though. Think about how many people you trust to drive safely and obey the rules of the road every single time you go outside. Think about how many complete strangers you have trusted to be hygienic and considerate every time you purchase and eat some food. Every day we are the recipient of hundreds, if not thousands, of people's goodwill.

Where I have been disappointed in someone's actions it's normally because I've done a bit of magical thinking and stopped seeing them as human and flawed as myself.

Considering that the nice people have been rewarded by a tory government, brexit, austerity and other wonderful things, I'm not surprised that more and more people are not bothering to make the effort anymore. Since the majority apparently are completely selfish, narrow minded and unable to think more than ten minutes into the future, why not join them and feel far less angry and frustrated!

Disclaimer, I may be hormonal and full of cold right now.

People are generally dickheads.

SunsetBoulevard3 Excellent post.

My DBro is a psychologist and he says most of the issues he deals with in people stem from their workplace. Bad bosses, the impossible being expected, horrible co-workers, the commute. If only this country was run for the people (I'm no raving leftie). The people of this country have had the things that bring quality to their lives eroded away over the last 40 years and at one time, people in roles where they are there to help you, actually gave a shit. They no longer do. Just trying to do something simple like make a phone call to a hospital or make an appointment for a tradesman to call is fraught with issues. You can't even drive from A to B without the pot holes in the road wrecking your suspension. It all adds up to making people want to punch each others lights out. No wonder weed or anxiolytics or antidepressants are part of the daily regime for loads of people.

@HairyString
Yes, this country used to be a much gentler place. Everything has become so fraught and so difficult. As you say, even making a phone call you have 450 options, often not relevant to your situation. You then wait ages for someone to answer and the person you speak to is bored and disinterested. Tries to fob you off or gives you the wrong information. 9 times out of 10 it is a call centre in India.

The Bank Manager used to to know customers personally, the doctor used to see the whole family and knew your circumstances. Phones calls used to get through to someone quickly who dealt with the issue. Personal service used to be important.
It's hard to see the positive these days in most things, but there are good things happening and people who try to do their best. The trouble is the system doesn't reward them.

Places like banks and insurance are geared up to make everything your fault too!! They will not take responsibility for anything and don't realise people are only human! Try buying a policy : quite easy.
Try claiming for anything : very hard and not so easy!
You pay for a service and get nothing much back when you need it.
Trying to buy a car and they will try to sell you everything else apart from the actual car it seems!
Everything is very expensive now too : where it used to hundreds to get anything done it's now thousands.
Life has become rather difficult.

In my experience, 2019 is the year I’ve felt most let down by people’s choices and the way they act
I think we’re in a very selfish society generally at the moment. Hope it will change

This has very much been my experience of 2019. I have repeatedly found myself this year saying ‘why are people so.... shit?’ Actually, I was starting to say it so often I began to think the problem must lie with me. Glad (for the sake of my sanity if not humanity) to see that lots of others have experienced this same trend!

I’m hoping it will get better OP. The western world seems filled with anger and selfishness at the moment and I wonder where it will all end. On good days, I try to believe that these things go in cycles: we’ve swung so far and it will begin to swing back. But other times, I wonder whether my youth was spent in a kind of post-war bubble, where people were less selfish because they knew how bad things could be. I love my children, but had I known where we were headed, I’m not sure I’d have had them.

But with all that said, my personal situation has recently improved massively and that is down to the actions of one single truly decent person. I won’t go into details, but personal circumstances meant that it had become very hard for me to find work. But despite taking me on being a genuine risk, someone has given me a chance as he thinks it’s the right thing to do. There are still some truly kind and honourable people around.

I agree with everything that's been said.
Let's face it, people don't get by by being kind and honest. They get by by being selfish and ruthless.
We see world leaders who are selfish and only interested In their self worth.
The planet is overcrowded and it doesn't help. Even though I enjoy the company of others, I enjoy privacy and space. I really dislike crowded places. I always have but it is becoming harder to find peace and tranquility.
I was having this conversation with dh. I don't like being in crowded pubs , I much prefer places with lots of individual booths. I don't want to sit next to strangers on public transport so either walk, drive or don't go.
People are selfish and rude.
They expect others to work around them. I always find it amusing when people expect others to go over and above for them.
A doctor is doing a job, they are entitled to take holidays like everyone else.
I no longer answer the phone at work when it gets to 10 mins before I finish because I don't want a leisurely chat with you when I am about to finish work. I used to do but you get nothing for doing it. I am there because of the money . I do a very efficient job but I'm not there for the love of it.
I'm sick of people expecting more.
No, you get what you pay for. You expect to be seen straight away by trained staff but you don't want to pay for it, well you will have to wait then or come back another day.
As for cheating well it's human nature for lots of people.

*People are generally dickheads
*
I used to think people were generally good, then brexit came along. Now I think people are mostly small-minded and ruled by fear.

Are you hitting about 40? Because lots of my friends had issues in their relationships at this age and lots of long term couples split up. It’s not just husbands though one of my women friends had an affair much to my utter shock.

Deep down Darwin was right about survival of the fittest. I’m naturally selfish but make an effort not to be but it requires effort. From small stuff like taking the biggest slice of cake. Deep down I really want it and fuck DH and DS getting the extra buttercream but some of the times I let them have it though not all the time as I’m not a martyr. That’s a really low level and quite trivial example but it still reflects a moral choice. We all make them every day.

The nicest two women I have ever known both had/have shit lives because thy always put others needs first. I used to think I wish I could be that lovely but they were/are shit on all the time. My lovely friend died at just 41. If everyone in the world had been like her it would have been a beautiful place.

People can be arseholes but there is a lot of shades of grey out there. Even people who do bad things are sometimes capable of doing great good and vice versa.
People are basically ok but none of us are perfect imo.

Interesting to read different views. I do think there is an element of how you’re feeling at the time of finding out such info that can have a dramatic effect on how you process it. I’m trying to make a conscious effort (new year and all that) to acknowledge all that is good in this world, attempting to notice the small ordinary, everyday things that go unnoticed. It’s a grim place, but if you look for the good, it’ll serve you better than always waiting for the worst to happen. The majority of people have got to be fundamentally good or society wouldn’t be able to function. I’m making a serious effort to look on the bright side this year - quite how long it will last is another matter

I thought of this thread last night, when I watched Paddington 2

Aunt Lucy told him to always look for the good in everyone

My dm told me when I was small that most people are nice.

I think that's a dangerous thing to say to a little girl, and led to me being taken advantage of in many ways for many years.

Having now been horribly betrayed, I'd say "hope for the best but prepare for the worst".

It's a tricky line to tread when you realise you can only ever trust yourself, but without tipping over into becoming selfish.