AIBU to expect my 10 year old to be able to..

[PennyHoffsteader]

Pack his own overnight bag with things he needs for an overnight stay at his grandparents?!

He didn't...btw. And I got it in the ear for not checking!! I'd spent all morning cleaning his sister's bedroom (twin girls age 9 in Jan) cause it was a pig sty after Christmas 🙄

To add a bit more context, DS is on the ASD spectrum. Asperger's. He will spend all day every day playing computer games or watching YouTube videos if not monitored. (Thank God for remote access to be able to switch things off when they refuse to get off things!)

Am I BU?!

I think people will.come.on and tell you that YNBU but my DS has a diagnosis of ASD and ADHD and is only just now able to pack an overnight bag at just turned 15. He still needs a list or promoting of what he needs to pack and I still check afterwards that he hasn't forgotten anything vital.
Nowadays he generally hasn't forgotten anything if he has a list to work from ,.so I will probably stop checking his bag this year ( but not prompting.what to pack yet) At 10, I would have been packing with him or getting him to make a list with me and go and get stuff and tick.it off as I packed etc.

So from my point of view, YAB ( a bit) U

My son with ASD who is 14 is just now able to pack his bag for visits to his grandparents, even then we have to ‘discuss’ how many clothes he will need and also requires many reminders (especially toiletries), but he is getting the hang of it. It’s taken 4 years of practice and letting him go commando for a day as he forgot to take an extra pair of undies, he hasn’t forgotten his underwear since tho

A list would really help, can be a generic one so he can use it for other trips. My DS also has Aspergers and learned how to do packing with Scouts where they always had a detailed kit list. He manages fine now at 15 but does still have a tendency to forget crucial items like coat and shoes.....

I think you were maybe a bit optimistic. I'd still say " have you remembered your toothbrush" kind of thing to my two teenage boys.

My 10 year old DS would give it a good go but I would definitely have to check. He's probably remember to pack underwear, socks, book and teddy along with some clothes, but would probably forget pyjamas and coat or something.

My 11 year old ADHD child has actually always been quite good at packing. She likes organising and arranging things so packing is one of her strengths. I usually check what she has put in though, just in case. I also tend to pack things like toothbrushes, shampoo, medicine etc as she wouldn't put these in.

Other day to day organisation and jobs - not a hope.

I think If he is on the spectrum probably no but otherwise a 10 year old should be able to pack their own bag

Actually just to correct myself I do not have enough knowledge of ASD so can't say if they should or shouldn't

Let him write his own list the week before, so he can make sure everything's clean.

You also write a list, then compare.

Keep doing that, but always allow him time to get it right without him panicking last-minute.

I would expect them to have a good go, but I would also check to ensure they had everything.

I still help DD1 who is 10. Not so bad when she's visiting my parents I just remind for the essentials - knickers, PJ's, toothbrush. She can make do with whatever random selection of clothes she throws in.

When she went away with school they gave a kit list and I helped her pack and even put each day's clothing with a post it note for what day it was for on it. She has dyslexia and dyspraxia and struggles with organising herself so it's a long learning curve.

Not being unreasonable IF you have trained him to do it. Wouldn't expect him to do it off his own bat. I get my 10 year old to lay things out on the bed so we can check together he's got enough of everything before they go in the bag. Given I'm prone to forgetting pyjamas myself the more checks the better - 10 yr old can't just pop to the shops if he's forgotten the toothpaste like I would.

I think it depends on how much practice he has had.

If he does overnights once a fortnight and has been packing with support for a while, then yes.

If he normally only goes away on summer holidays, then no.

As others say above...a list is your friend here.
I have twin 12 year olds b/g. Girl could ably pack her own bag at 10 without leaving anything important out of the bag. Boy has dyslexia so, general organisation is not his core strength. I fear I could still be packing for him at sixteen....

I would expect him to be able to pack the bag, yes, but I would also think it reasonable to check that he had actually done so.

Apart from the SN, I think yes many kids that age should be able. I went to boarding school at that age and me and my classmates had no problem packing for the whole term, let alone overnight. True my mum would say "have you remembered your passport and inhaler" but wouldn't actually check my whole bag for me

...(in fact I'd have felt it intrusive if she'd checked my bag!) But all kids are different aren't they, especially with SEN

Wow im mot sure my 11 yr ols ds would successfully pack an over night bag..id def have to check it.
I know it'd not have all the essentials in it.
Unless i wrote a list, then we'd fair better.

My exH prob couldn't pack a proper overnight bag (but he's something else)

YABU

I'm autistic and I still need a bit of help when packing to go away and I'm 48.

I have a 10 year old with ASD. There’s no way she’s able to. No way.

YABU. My ds wouldn't have had a clue at that age. You should have checked. My ds - also autism - has only just started being able to manage this now age 16z