To think this is the final straw?

[Dubya]

DS is 12 months old, mine and DPs relationship hasn't been that great since. He has been away with work more than he has been home, and I had crippling PND plus was made redundant which means I have been stressing about finding work, and perhaps taking it out on him by being moody when he has been back. He doesn't help at all with DS, but tonight he just stormed out and took a lot of his stuff. I have no idea what's wrong, bar perhaps him going through my phone as there's a few messages to my best friend saying about how I'm struggling etc, which mention him. She isn't a mutual friend and I trust her so it's not like anyone he knows would find out (if that makes sense) so he wouldn't be humiliated, and it's all things I have tried to talk to him about before.

AIBU to find this sulking off the final straw? I have no idea where to begin in leaving, but honestly I'm a mess.

By a mess, I am fortunate enough to have support nearby, but just in my mind I have no idea where to begin, or if I am overreacting and it is my fault.

You need to talk. That much is clear. It may be salvageable but you won't know that until you make contact and talk it through. And if he won't talk then you at least have an answer

How bad were the messages? It may be that he's taken them the wrong way rather than asking what he can do to improve. Sounds like he's an arse. Sorry.

Can you leave him or manage if he leaves you?

@Villagegreenpreservation I agree, he isn't answering calls, texts or messages so after trying once I'm going to give him some space, I wish he would let me know he is somewhere safe though, but I don't want to pester him.

@StayClassySally they were mostly about how although I'm proud of his career it's really hard with him away so much, and I'm worried about how hard it will be when I'm back at work to juggle everything. Nothing too bad I didn't think, and nothing too personal if that makes sense. I hope he didn't go through my phone just from a breach of trust perspective, but I can't think of anything else it could be to be honest. I wondered if he just needed a break as DS is teething and has been hard work today, but if he asked of course I would say go and get some peace; I probably am too soft in that regard as I never get the chance, but he wouldn't have a reason to storm off. We would have to sell the house for a clean break, but I would have the deposit (assuming it sells...) to rent for a bit, and back to work next month so should be okay.

Loving husbands don't just walk out the door and not respond.

You had PND - it's not your fault and it's natural to have the feelings you have. He should be supporting you - not leaving you alone with your baby and not letting you know where he is. Hardly a responsible father is he?

I remember telling DH when DD was around 4 months and he stormed out calling me evil (for saying DD deserved better than a mother who was overwhelmed with exhaustion, PND/PNA and a father who refused more than a 10 min cuddle with her) that really that was the issue in a nutshell. He could just walk out without even thinking about the house, the cat, DD or any other responsibility. He wasnt thinking 'who'll care for the baby' because he couldn't comprehend this to be his responsibility. I found couples counselling really helpful and making DH to commit to a fair split of household/childcare tasks. It brought it home to him when DD started to refuse his 10 mins a day of affection.

No, YANBU. I take it you've tried discussing things with him? Why doesn't he do any caring for his child when he is at home?

As you said, the house will need to be sold, and you'll have to untangle any other joint financials. Have you got anywhere you can stay until the house is sold, friends/family? Let them know what's happening, so they can support you.

For now, I think you should go and stay with your parents/friend for a couple of days. Let him come back to an empty house.

Stop doing any of his laundry/cooking for him etc. You're only doing the same to him as he's doing to you, plus you're caring for your joint child.

Was he working away from home as often as before you had DC, or has it increased? What discussions did you have before you got pregnant (or was it unplanned?) about how the housework and childcare would be divided up when you did have a child?