AIBU to think you don’t have to accept the first invitation?

[AvaSnowdrop]

About a month ago my friend invited me and a number of others to a Facebook event hosted by a local pub, a NYE disco. We talked about it and went “Aah it’ll be packed and expensive, a taxi home will cost a fortune”. And then forgot about it and didn’t respond on Facebook. Last week our neighbour invited us round for a drink and we accepted because it’s much more convenient to pop next door for a glass of wine.

My friend has texted this morning saying are you coming to the disco tomorrow? I replied no, sorry we’re just going to pop next door for a drink with the neighbours, hope you enjoy the disco. She is absolutely furious, saying she invited us to the disco first, and that was weeks ago so we would have been free at the time and shouldn’t have accepted another invitation afterwards when we’d already been invited somewhere.

AIBU to think that you don’t have to accept the first invitation? You can turn it down and accept a later invitation that’s more convenient? And it wasn’t really a specific invitation either, she just clicked Invite for multiple people on the pub’s Facebook event.

How do you respond though? There’s no option to reply to the invitation other than clicking one of the available options. I clicked Remove to untag myself and it obviously didn’t notify her. Am I supposed to text everyone who clicks Invite on a Facebook event to tell them I’m not going?

YANBU I find it really annoying when people choose to 'invite' a whole group to a local pub/ event and expect responses from everyone. If you want to go to the pub on new year you can just go without having to go through her first, surely? Fair enough to mention it and say we'll be doing this on new year if you fancy? or if you are are actually hosting and paying for a party then expect an rsvp but to just invite people to their local and get the hump if they don't reply or would rather do something else is weird and controlling.

Am I supposed to text everyone who clicks Invite on a Facebook event to tell them I’m not going?
Absolutely not.
If someone wants to personally invite you to an event then they can do a personal invitation by sending a Facebook link with a message saying "I'm thinking of going to this event... Would you like to join me?" Sharing an event from someone else's page is not a personal invitation and not something you'd expect people to reply personally to.

I think it's a bit rude to hold out for a better offer, but that's not what you did, you had already discounted the first "invitation" in your mind. I think your friend is being a bit unreasonable. However, I don't think clicking remove tells the person you are not going, you need to click "not going".

Am I supposed to text everyone who clicks Invite on a Facebook event to tell them I’m not going?

Pretty much what I do, takes seconds. That’s the beauty of invites via social media, you’ve got the option there and then to respond in kind.

I think your friend was being unrealistic to think that people would keep NYE for the kind of mass FB invite that you describe. She should have done a more personal invitation and legitimately requested RSVPs.

However, I can kind of see her point too. She was trying to organise a fun night out and everyone (not just you - probably several others) have been flaky and not let her know one way or the other. You should have clicked on Not Going to make it clear.

I'd agree with you if you had turned down the first invite but you didn't. You didn't even respond

If it was that important why did the friend only ask yesterday? Not a week after the invite.

However, I can kind of see her point too. She was trying to organise a fun night out and everyone (not just you - probably several others) have been flaky and not let her know one way or the other. You should have clicked on Not Going to make it clear.
If she had created her own "NYE gathering/celebration" event on facebook, added a select group of friends then I would probably see her side of things a little more.

But what she actually did was invite/add people to a pub's event on Facebook. No personal invite, no personal engagement, just bring tagged in a business event on social media along with hundreds of other people.

If she wants to arrange a fun night or for friends then it needs arranging, not sharing a pub's Facebook event and expecting everyone to be psychic and work the rest of the arrangements out.

How do you respond though? There’s no option to reply to the invitation other than clicking one of the available options

So why didn’t you click going or not going?
Removing the tag isn’t going to give her a notification.