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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu or is my friend?

26 replies

Wishfulmakeupping · 30/12/2019 14:50

Friends for years since school have two children same age both 8 and I have dc just turned 4.
Kids were playing in another room then my two come running in as her ds has hit my younger child. She told him off and I went to check on my dc, she said they’d need to leave due to his behaviour she looked upset I said ok don’t worry thanks for coming and they left.
I’ve not heard from her since which surprised me as if it was my child I would have check if all was ok after. We normally speak most days but no message from her since. I text her the day after and said I felt it was partly my fault as they were playing in another room but nothing since.
Can’t see why she would be mad at me I didn’t say anything to her son just made sure mine was ok and was ok with her when she left - what’s the issue?!

OP posts:
NewNameSameOldGame · 30/12/2019 14:53

She might be embarrassed that her kid behaved so badly.
An 8 year old hitting a 4 year old is quite shocking, he’d be literally double your DS’s size.

I’d leave it for a few days then message her as normal

Original poster
Wishfulmakeupping · 30/12/2019 14:54

He is double his size which is why I was shocked that she didn’t msg me to see if my ds was ok.

OP posts:
NewNameSameOldGame · 30/12/2019 14:55

I would guess she’s mortified then.
Give her a few days to let it all blow over

NewNameSameOldGame · 30/12/2019 14:55

Did the kids mention what it was about? What exactly happened?

Original poster
Wishfulmakeupping · 30/12/2019 14:57

They were playing a game pretending to sleep and wake each other up and her ds hit my ds on his bum with a plastic toy.

OP posts:
NewNameSameOldGame · 30/12/2019 15:00

Oh, so it’s not like he’s thumped him in the face or anything? That’s not as bad as what I was imagining.
Seems like a big drama over nothing really, she did the right thing ending the play date as a punishment and taking him home. I would guess some words were had on the way home too.

I would just leave her for now and maybe send a nice New Years text tomorrow

coconuttelegraph · 30/12/2019 15:01

Different people have different expectations, in the situation you describe I won't expect a follow up message, it wouldn't be a big deal for me.

Sometimes children misbehave, that's life, I'm not sure I'd even remember the next day

Popfan · 30/12/2019 15:10

Sounds like it was a game that went a bit wrong. Maybe she thought you'd say don't worry and they didn't need to leave?

Original poster
Wishfulmakeupping · 30/12/2019 17:28

That could be it pop

OP posts:
Original poster
Wishfulmakeupping · 31/12/2019 20:16

I’ve called her twice she’s ignoring my calls - no idea what the issue is but i msg her day after and called her twice so that’s me done I think now ☹️

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 31/12/2019 20:21

Yes leave it now. It’s up to her to contact you. If she’s not a friend enough to explain or to ghost you over something like this then she’s not a real friend.

Give her the benefit of the doubt for now. She could have something else important going on.

Ponoka7 · 31/12/2019 20:30

What did your children say?

You described it as him hitting one of yours, but really it was a game that got a bit out of hand.

So I'm wondering if she's thought to leave it or she might say something she'd regret.

TowerRavenSeven · 31/12/2019 20:31

She’s embarrassed!

Expressedways · 31/12/2019 20:49

It sounds like a lot of drama over a game that simply got out of hand- hitting him on the bum with a plastic toy is bad behaviour yes but surely it’s just one of those things where he’s told off, says sorry and everyone moves on. I’m wondering if your reaction in the moment has annoyed her because she was probably expecting you to tell her not to worry about it and to stay. I also don’t understand why you’re expecting her to follow up and check your child is ok, it doesn’t sound like he was seriously hurt or anything. She’s probably giving you some space to calm down. Just leave it and I’m sure she’ll be back in touch in a short while.

Cherrysoup · 31/12/2019 20:56

Why did you tell her it was partly your fault when it ruddy wasn’t? That’s a bit odd. Her dc smacked your dc on the bum, I don’t think it’s desperately awful. Maybe she thinks you were being precious?

Yeahnah2020 · 31/12/2019 20:58

Stop being such a drama queen. You for expecting some sort of apology and her for leaving. It’s a kids game for goodness sake!!

RhymingRabbit3 · 31/12/2019 21:00

Did you over react a bit when your kids told you he "hit" your child, and so she took her child home. And then the child told her what actually happened (he tapped him on the bum with a toy as part of a game) and was annoyed at you/your kids over reaction?

1Morewineplease · 31/12/2019 21:04

I think she’s embarrassed.
Leave her be for a few days.
Maybe her child has behavioural problems that she’s struggling to come to terms with.
Who knows?

Dollymixture22 · 31/12/2019 21:14

From your first post I thought her son had hit your child with no provocation- she probably did too.

Then in the car the Eight year old will have explained it was part of game, everyone was doing it and the other two Then ran and told on him.

She might be annoyed her son was blamed for something her really didn’t do - it was playing that got a little out of hand?

Yetanotherwinter · 31/12/2019 21:20

I think you’ve over reacted. It’s not like her child walloped yours. I thought from your initial post your child had been hit in the face or something similar, not hit on the bottom with a plastic toy.

Drum2018 · 31/12/2019 21:26

I'd say she didn't expect you to agree to going home. Not sure why she should contact you to see if your dc is ok. Was he hurt badly, crying a lot? If not then she'd have seen that he was ok before she left. Leave her be for now.

IceBearRocks · 31/12/2019 21:42

I wish I'd RTFT before I voted...YABU

poppycity · 31/12/2019 21:44

This happened to a friend of mine @Wishfulmakeupping in their case the 12 year old hit the 4 year old in the face causing a bleeding nose. Anyway, turns out after 'having it out' they felt that they are all children and 12 year old just had a moment of anger and too big of a deal was being made of it. These are all professional people who are very anti-violence but it was fascinating how their anger was that they shouldn't have to defend their son and it was just a rough moment. There was anger towards the 4 year old's parents for 'making an issue'. The issue was they literally just went to her to check she was okay, got a cloth etc. They never raised their voices or did anything inappropriate. The other parents were wanting them to reassure their 12 year old son that 'all was okay, it was just an accident'. Um, no.

Dollymixture22 · 31/12/2019 21:48

This is an epic drip feed😂. I am annoyed at you so I am sure your friend was too.

Louise91417 · 31/12/2019 21:56

I think you(not her ds) have made her feel embarassed by how you reacted. When i first read you thread i though her ds was going to be a bully who had slapped and punched your child..it was just a game that got a bit rough. When she said about leaving she was probably looking reassurance that you didnt think she needed too,instead you agreed,therefore making it a big deal..think id be feeling a bit miffed if i was herHmm

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