Relatives buying expensive gifts

[Orangeblossom78]

Just seen on another thread (CFs at Christmas) an example being relatives buying them a book to share when they had bought more expensive gifts - and it made me think of us..

On DH's side of the family they all seem to buy adults expensive gifts at Christmas (as well as DC) Which is really kind - things like a Cook pot or Coffee machine type thing- but in our family it can cost a fortune after buying for our own DC as well. They will buy such gifts for BIL, SIL and their DC and it can get really expensive (DH is one of three siblings who all have DC and they also buy (smaller) gifts for cousins and their DC etc

So when I saw this was consider a CF I cringed and wondered what to do about this situation? I have tried saying each year, we are just keeping it simple this year please don't get us anything big, it is just nice to catch up and spend time together. But still we get these big gifts.

It happened again this year- not such a big domestic gift for me (thankfully- I usually end up giving it to the school for a raffle or something), but as well as expensive gifts for the DC they also got gift vouchers too...

AIBU or can it be tricky getting huge expensive gifts you maybe don't want or need and sets a precedent as well?

Oh, I guess it should be AIBU to keep getting them smaller less expensive (but thoughtful) considering I have already explained this in the past

It's rude to continually give more extravagant gifts than you receive

Small and thoughtful is fine especially since you made this clear in advance. It sounds wasteful anyway to get such big pressies when it's unlikely they'll know exactly what you want so half the time is wasted.

We just say no presents at all for adults. Simple.

Thanks glad to hear it seems OK, was worried we were seen as CFers. Yes I wish I could say just for DC but think it has gone on too long and also DH would need to broach that with his side of the family really. Mine seem a lot more simple

Don't worry, OP, you're the exact opposite of CFs. You told them and they won't listen and tbh it's a bit rude. I am just so glad you didn't get the pressure to spend what you can't afford on them. They've been told, so just let them be, odd though.

Do you see them face to face? How about a conversation re no more presents full stop? I know my parents eventually did this with distant but old friends. They were getting increasingly odd gifts, strange wooden flowers stuck in a base to display, things they neither wanted nor liked but felt obliged to leave out for visits.

It’s a bit pointless, isn’t it, if you’re giving stuff away to raffles etc. I’d tell them how lovely it is, but you’re running out of storage and could the please stop. I don’t think that’s rude.

I don't get why its rude though? If someone wants to give a gift to someone, that they can easily afford to give, how is it rude?

You've explained that you cannot match their extravagence, bt they still want to buy you gifts as presumably they love you?

You don't have to match what you receive, there's no rule surely?

I have 2 nieces who i love buying presents for (as i have all boys) and i know they like their presents from me. My sister in law isn't able to reciprocate for my boys but that's absolutely fine with me and i will continue to get the nieces nice presents as the joy for me is in the giving. SIL and I have chatted about it and i reassured her i don't expect the same back for my boys as our circumstances are vastly different. It would never occur to me that i was being RUDE because i buy my nieces nice things.

Well, not sure about rude but it can make the recipient feel a bit awkward

But yes see what you mean, if they simply enjoy it that is fine. I won't say anything further, just continue, the big 'domestic' gifts I used to dread for me seem to have stopped anyway if they want to continue to gift DH and the DCs extravagently that is fine