To not become a SAHM yet?

[Disco91]

So long story short.... my husband sold his business in the summer and we now have around £130,000 in the bank. We both have good jobs now and are currently saving around £2k a month as we don't have a mortgage or rent to pay (house with the job situation).

We have a toddler at the moment who is in nursery 4 days a week and if I'm honest I'd rather him be at home with me. I want another baby too so we a ttc atm.

However, I just don't feel comfortable quitting the job I've worked hard for and then taking money off my husband each month. I was £15k in debt three years ago from trying to get his business off the ground, which worked but now means I'm a little money conscious. I'm only in my mid to late 20's and everyone else has to work so why would I think it's ok to just not work?

My husband is depairing a little as he says all I've ever said is I want to be a SAHM and now we have the money he doesn't get why I haven't quit yet. He is not money orientated at all so he has no problem in giving me money each month and recognizes I played my part in the business being a success so says I've earned it.

AIBU? Would you work or stay at home if that's what you wanted to do?

Could you drop to part time? My concern would be if your marriaged ended where would u be left financially?

YANBU to think carefully about this. It's lovely being a SAHM but it's also hard and can be boring and repetitive. I like the suggestion of part time.

I would continue working at least part time too. I would also be looking to buy a home as an investment because having a house tied to a job is only useful for the duration of the job. Money in the bank is nice, but it will quickly disappear if you’re not replacing it with ongoing earnings. There’s also your pension to consider. Lots of benefits to not giving up work totally.

I would go part time. Financial independence isn’t something you want to lose no matter how nice your marriage seems to be going now.

I'm only in my mid to late 20's and everyone else has to work so why would I think it's ok to just not work?

You either think it’s okay or you don’t. If you don’t, don’t do it. I’m not sure why you think the rest of us can answer your question.

Go part time. Best of both worlds.

Agree with PPs, is part time an option?

Go part time as above.

I do think it’s a weird mindset, that your husband and would be giving you money each month as opposed to you just spending as needed, you’re married it’s shared money surely?

Yanbu at all. At your age instead of easing off, I went full gas into my career. And raked in the money. Do it now whilst you can. Save save save. Get a big house deposit. Save for pensions. Save so you can stay at home. My kids didn't suffer. We had the money to buy lovely house, get into good school catchments, travel etc..and in 7 years I'll be mortgage free while my kids are at secondary school and I'm not even mid 40s yet. I have 20 years outstanding CV to be proud of. And investment for both my children's future properties. Hubby about to be made redundant but we're not worried. We can afford to take risks and find jobs. Anyway long way of saying it. Grab opportunities with both hands. Bank the cash. Invest. Rake it in, and don't underestimate the toll of being a single breadwinner. When you just 5 years or even 10years working, it doesn't feel long. But 20 years down the line you will not want to work so hard so do it now!!

I work part time and would do so irrespective of finances. I like my job and really enjoy those few days in the office working hard and chatting to colleagues. I love my children but I am a better parent for having a few days a week apart from them, I couldn't be a SAHM. They love nursery so zero guilt.

Part time for sure. It is boring being at home all the time. Working part time is best of both.

I would never have wanted to give up work. But your DH says it’s all you ever wanted. If he’s right, I’m not the best to advise you. I have a career I adore. I am fortunate. I recognise not everyone does. But I worked part time when my 3 were very little. And even now they are older I still take most of the school holidays off (self employed professional, so can take all the holiday I want if I can budget for it).

It’s great to have £130,000, but it won’t last a lifetime. Don’t live out of it. Consider buying a house (even if you don’t need to right now). Or re-invest in another business. Certainly get some financial advice from an IFA.

The money will enable you to go part fine though if you want to. Which seems a good compromise. And take a decent length of maternity leave with next baby.

Also agree with @cookiedoughkid

He is not money orientated at all so he has no problem in giving me money each month and recognizes I played my part in the business being a success so says I've earned it.

I don't like the sound of 'him giving you money'. It almost sounds like it comes complete with a pat on the head.

Get a joint account if you want to be a SAHM and make it clear he's not 'giving you money'. It's family money and you'll be staying home to look after the family.

I’m a supporter of maintaining your career and financial independence if possible. You don’t know what position you’ll be in in 10+ years.

If he has no interest in money he can stay at home and let you run the business.

I’d see if you can go part time. You never know and keeping your hand in may be useful in the future. Also in the short term I’d hang in there for the mat payoff you’re ttc

I dropped to part time. We don't need the money really as we are high earners but I want to keep my career in case of disaster, death or illness. Things can happen.

Why is your husband so keen for you to give up work?

Why doesn’t he go part time if he’s so keen for someone to be at home? Is it because he doesn’t want to risk his earning potential, independence and pension, but for some reason thinks that shouldn’t bother you?

Would you work or stay at home if that's what you wanted to do?

I'd stay home. Fuck working if you don't need to. Life is too short and there are much more important & better things to be doing. Spend the time with your kid. You don't get this time back.

Also, relationships and maintaining relationships is hard hard work. By being financially independent it buys you leverages in terms of influence and how you're treated. I really think this is not talked about much on Mumsnet. Great if your dh is perfect and treats you equally but how many threads on here do I read about their dh's having affairs or leaving them and then the non breadwinner is literally screwed? By being on a an equal footing seriously, in my experience, you get treated with more respect.

Btw, it doesn't mean I don't respect sahms. I absolutely do. I was a sahm for about 2 years. But I can honestly say, my dh respects me more as he can't tell me what to do when I'm off getting ready to go to work. He can unload the dishwasher. Same with social situations. Saying your sahm or parent I've seen too often, it gets overlooked. Stops the conversation. But when I say I'm a global sales manager of a ftsie top 10 firm with a £70 million portfolio, I am never ever ignored especially by men. Just saying (even though I disagree and I make more of an effort for stay at home parents to be included in discussions).

In your position I would reduce my hours but I wouldn't give up work completely. Since you and DH don't own your own home and your current house comes with his job you would be in a very precarious position if you were to split or if something happened to him. I would keep working and look into buying your own property as an investment.

I was a sahm for 11 years and although I enjoyed it when my dc were little eventually it wore me down. I now work part-time which suits me much better.

How long would you expect to have free accommodation? 130k doesn’t sound like enough to be financially independent and quit work especially if you don’t own a property. If you’re ttc, it would be silly to quit now when you could be getting maternity benefits and can be testing the water. Spending all day every day with my two would have sent me demented. I thought it’s what I wanted as my first mat leave was lovely. My second felt much harder and my eldest carried on part time nursery so I didn’t even have them both every day.