To ask for advice on how to tackle my miserly boss on low salary and poor work benefits

[Dacquoise]

Having turned my life around by getting out of an emotionally abusive marriage, away from my narcissistic family, winning a recent court case with my ex-husband and finding a lovely new partner I have one last thing to tackle and that is my job. Your advice would be greatly appreciated.

I have been in my current role for four years having returned to work from being a SAHM ten years ago. I started in minimum wage roles to get back into employment and have managed to double my salary since then. However, it has become clear that I am being underpaid in this job which is partly due to me not asking for a reasonable starting salary when I joined and expecting my employer to increase it once he saw that I could do the job well and competently. I found out recently the previous person in the role was on £8.50 an hour more than my current salary. Obviously they had a lot more service than me but the role has evolved and I am about to take on a lot more management responsibilities. I have also undertaken accreditation for my role.

I have had a couple of pay increases that only be described as miserly, barely inflation rises which I accepted as I was going through a tough court case with my ex-husband and really could not face another battle at the time. My employer has form for paying as little as possible, he pays the minimum in pension contributions, no sick pay, minimum holiday but has recently taken on a consultant who takes some of my work for three times my hourly rate. I am starting to feel quite exploited and know I need to stand up for myself in this so if anyone else has been in this position and managed to negotiate a decent pay rise, I would be very grateful for any tips/strategies. There has been no mention of pay rises this year and I am wondering if he offsetting the consultant's salary by not giving me and another colleague anything.

@FairytaleofButlins , I agree he doesn't have to pay me more. However, he gave the previous person a very hard time when they left, saw it as a lack of loyalty. I have been warned by my colleague to expect the same if I leave. It works both ways.

Research roles, interview, get an offer. Show it to your boss and either:

1 - hand him the resignation letter at the same time. Or

2- use it to negotiate a role review and actual, concrete salary that reflects your worth. If he's even open to that discussion.

Tip: I've never seen number 2 work for anyone long term. You'll spend time & energy on him that is better put into a new role. And it's often taken personally despite it just being business - they'd get rid of you tomorrow if business took a dive. Especially in small companies. I've seen people try option 2 then leave within a few months anyway.

Personal anecdote; I once spent months negotiating a salary to reflect my new job role with manager responsibly, an internal promotion. It ended up with a 3% offer, about 20k below market rate. About 6 months of me doing the job officially (2 years informally).. I started looking elsewhere. A month later got a new job at a competitor for 20k more i.e. market rate. When I handed in my notice suddenly within the day my boss had approval to match the new job offer?!?!?! Wtf?!?! I told them where to shove their time wasting jumping through hoop dangling carrot crap, I told them I considered this a truly burnt bridge just in case I ever got tempted to go back there. My boss was a bit shocked because I'd been quiet, diligent, level headed, never seen me angry in years etc. Fuckers.

All the more reasons not to threaten to leave until you have a genuine firm offer!

It should work both ways.. for some jobs it's much more cost and time effective to retain staff. For others, it really doesn't matter as much.

@TrifenyMarlowe, my colleague negotiated a reasonable pay rise the year before last with him but he managed to recoup some it by not giving her anything last year so I get where you are coming from about it being personal and sometimes self defeating!

"personal and sometimes self defeating"

Yes, exactly.

It's sort of like making the decision to work on a half broken relationship... Sometimes it's a valid exercise, but often not. I still think of the employer who let me do the job for 2yrs "to prove myself" with anger and confusion.. they would have paid £££s (salary percentage) to replace me to the recruiter, and the man that replaced me (spotted on LinkedIn) came externally so they'd have to have paid a reasonable market rate. So why waste my time and acting like iwas being emotional or unreasonable to not accept their shitty 3%?

Now I have more people management experience it still doesn't make sense.. they lost an extremely loyal "goes above and beyond" employee who'd proven herself then put me through hurdles to get a raise afterwards... I seriously regret the effort I made. I should either never have stepped up for so long unpaid OR I should have jumped ship at the six months review point. Why did I wait 2 years??

None of the male employees I manage would ever put up with it.

@TrifenyMarlowe, you have hit the nail on the head.

I think part of my procrastination about this situation is that I am not sure if it's worth tackling someone who is determined to pay the least he can get away with and will continue to do so. He will fall out with people over pennies although he is a multi-millionaire and the company is very buoyant but won't tackle the consultant about his charges although he is unhappy with them. I don't understand it. I have had other jobs in the past where I was rewarded for my skills and competence. This seems like too hard work to resolve and I am not sure negotiating a pay rise will work for me long term.

So thank you everyone, I will look for another job and move on as soon as possible

it's also worth remember that no employee is as irreplaceable and important as they think - or very rarely and they usually have the package to try to keep them.

I do agree that it makes no sense not to treat good employees decently, it's in everybody's interest, but it's very rarely such a big deal when someone leaves. Not as a big deal as they imagine anyway.

I don't think I am too important or irreplaceable so not an ego thing. It's more about being paid fairly and not having to play games to achieve it. My employer got me at a bargain rate and I think I am now stuck so will try to leave. I also know that another place of employment can be same monkeys, different circus. Barring that win on the lottery it's all about earning a decent living.

Good luck. Update us on how you get on!

I didn't mean to attack you about ego, sorry, I was just trying to say that employers - in general - care a lot less than employees think because the business is a lot less impacted than they believe. There are of course exception, but I have heard so many people claiming their departure would make a huge impact when in fact.. it usually didn't or actually improved things.

but I think my age is against me. I am nearly mid fifties and feel a bit disadvantaged by this.

Don't let this put you off - I got a lovely new job a few months back and I'm 56

Apply for another job on a better salary and take it, rather than using it as leverage
it would be a fresh start, where they don't undervalue you

• your current employer will always be a miserly pain in the arse, because he has got used to being able to pay you so much below the going rate

Even in the very unlikely event he would match the new job offer, he'd likely freeze your pay thereafter forever

I got to the stage in my career where they "wished they could pay me more, but the budget just wasn't there"
It was amazing how quickly the budget was solved when I took time off to visit another prospective post!
But I wasn't bluffing; never threaten to move unless you really intend to carry through.
I also went "above and beyond" and got taken for granted, while I realise now that other people were bigging themselves up.....
I decided to take the plunge and left. I was also told "Nobody is irreplaceable", and let's be brutally honest, it can be true. But they can be difficult to replace.
I kept in touch with a former colleague who told me how things were going. Apparently, for quite a while, the phrase was often heard, "Oh, twosheds used to do that!"
You never miss the water 'til the well runs dry...…
You have tackled so much recently. Think of this as the last item on your bucket list!

Take a role with a rival firm and destroy your old boss
he had it coming 😉

there's an agency named restless.co.uk aimed at 50+
may be worth takking a look at?

complete mix of roles, from retail to high level civil service
if orgs are advertising there, they are more likely to have a work culture that that won't make you feel like a fish out of water, and either they are actively embracing age diversity, or looking to employ someone older.
At the very least it may give you a confidence boost to know that they are not prejudiced about age.

Good luck

Hey, @FairytaleofButlins, no offence taken. I think I have realised by putting my thoughts out there in Mumsnetland is that a strategy to get get a pay rise isn't my issue, it's my employer that's the problem. I naively thought I would be rewarded for proving myself in the job when I joined at the low rate. I took on a huge project which took ten months solid to complete. It has made a big difference to the company going forward and my reward was one of the miserly pay rises which speaks volumes about my employer's attitude. It shouldn't be so difficult. Just need a confidence boost to get out there again.

Thank you @Fr0g, will take a look.

Thank you again everyone else. It's been very useful to consolidate my thoughts on this.

Well done @StCharlotte, good to know it can be done.

@twoshedsjackson, yep last item on my bucket list! Feeling a chorus of I am strong, I am woman, I am invincible coming on!!!