My DD, 7, can’t control her emotions

[Notcool1984]

My DD goes from 0 to 100 at the drop of a hat. She is generally well behaved and has a nice wee group of friends but will just burst into tears crying and tantruming in a second and it happens several times a day. Recent examples were having to leave a party, being told she had to change places in school queue and one of her friends not sharing a toy. She will do this in front of her peers, but seems to be the only one!
Her older brother displayed these behaviours when he was a toddler but had well grown out of them by 5. I’m not sure how to help her manage her feelings better or if this is normal?

She is 7 I should add.

The most important thing is to validate her feelings as opposed to making her feel like a 'drama queen' etc. Then you could teach her some distress tolerance skills such as self soothing by carrying a small soft toy in her pocket she could stroke or a stress ball/toy. At home a blanket to snuggle under or an ice pack is good to help to calm down. You could also teach her some simple breathing techniques such as 7/11. Distraction is also helpful - a distraction toy could be used or she could think of something positive in her head. The other thing is to help emotion regulation teach her how important it is to get enough sleep, healthy food and exercise. Good luck.

Does she appear to be quite sensitive overall, and have an aversion to being over stimulated by noise, people, decisions etc? In that case, she could be a Highly Sensitive Person. Elaine Aron, I think her name is, wrote an interesting book about how best to handle those of us with a lor of emotions!!

Do you give her warning if possible? If unable to, try going down to her level and explaining what's happening and why. If it's something good then really big it up, or even if it's something she considers bad (eg leaving somewhere she enjoys) have something in mind that you can do when you get home. My son doesn't like sudden changes (asd) and we're still figuring out ways to help him deal with things but we find this kind of thing helps.

Watching for advice as my 7 yr old is the same. In her case there is a medical reason (she has very mild cerebral palsy and poor emotional regulation seems to be part of the effects) but would still be good to get some ideas on how to manage it.

7 is still quite young so don't panic. I'm a school teacher and often use the 'zones of regulation' to help this kind of child. We have posters around (often made with the children who use them) and refer to the zones regularly. It's about the child understanding their own emotions and having strategies to get back to 'green' (calm). Some children have 'green boxes' which have sensory type toys or things that they can use to calm e.g. rain maker, putty, fidget spinner etc. There's lots of talking and reflecting once the child has calmed down. The aim is to get the child to be independent in understanding their own feelings and moderating their behaviour. It will take a lot of modelling. Try to show patience and understanding (easier as a profession than a mum though). Good luck.

I like having a 'calm corner' or similar space too. In the moment, I sometimes need to just leave them to get over it before discussing and reflecting. Engaging a raging child sometimes makes it worse.

Have you tried therapeutic parenting?

How about trying role playing at home. Ask her to pretend that you are her friend and have snatched a toy off her. (Or whatever scenario fits) Ask her to act out different ways of dealing with it. Good ways and bad ways.
Discuss the ins and outs of each option. Ask her what she thinks she should do.

Basically just Try and get her to really think about her options. Make it about positive future choices. IYSWIM

I know I haven't explained that well but hopefully you have got the drift.

Also, how do you and other people around you deal with things? Has she some dramatic people around her?

Thanks for all the great advice!

How often does this happen?

My DD6 sometimes has toddler-level meltdowns. Totally randomly and it doesn’t matter who is there.

Most of the time she’s fine but can really roar of upset in some way. I wonder whether we’ve been too light in disciplining her?

I’m tempted to try some of the suggested techniques!

My little sister was like this from the age of 6 - absolutely impossible to deal with, I remember my mother was tearing her hair out.
Turns out she was going through very early puberty and her 6 year old brain was in no way equipped to deal with the hormone storm going on inside her!
Ironically, she was a dream once she hit her teenage years as she’d already been through the raging hormones! Grew up to be perfectly normal (actually, a high achieving superstar!)