To ask whether you think instant attraction is a must?

[Fifibinks]

Best friend has recently started dating online in the hope of finding a long term relationship. She’s had lots of interest but refuses to exchange messages with anyone unless there’s an immediate attraction. The two men she has met so far have been very attractive, however, both stopped contact after a few dates with no explanation...I’m guessing they had lots of interest.

AIBU in thinking that attraction can be achieved/grow as you get to know a person and that ruling someone out unless there’s an initial attraction is cutting out a lot of suitable potential partners?!

No I don't think so. There wasn't instant attraction with me towards my DP (I'm not sure whether it was the same with him, never asked) but I fell in love with him. I think he's gorgeous and we've been together nine years now but it wasn't instant.

I meant no I don't think it has to be instant.

100% agree. Conversely, instant attraction often doesn't lead to anything long term.

I wasn’t instantly attracted to my husband (he’s objectively very attractive 9/10 I guess). I just don’t know whether I am really attracted to someone or not until I’ve touched them a bit, smelt them properly etc. Looks alone just don’t do it for me, a man has to feel good.

With on line dating I think you need to fancy each other yes. Otherwise you'll be dating sone random you don't fancy or doesn't fancy you in the hope you might decide you do and it's not just possible mates

So yes, I think so yes. In real life you can spend time with someone and then start to fancy them, but on line dating doesn't give you this proximity and lengthy time frame.

Instant attraction (in my experience) leads to disappointment. But it can be fun.
Definitely not an indicator for long term relationship/happiness/love

I think attraction can grow for women more so than for men, just as a broad generalisation. I wasn't instantly attracted to DH.

I don’t think it has to be instant and I also wouldn’t make the mistake of assuming the person has to be drop dead physically gorgeous.

Often what really turns you on is someone’s personality or sense of humour and you usually have to meet a couple of times to get a handle on that.

I do think some sort of spark is important though.

I haven’t done OLD but I didn’t fancy my now husband at all when we first met or for a long time afterwards.

As Bluntness says, with OLD it’s different and from friends who’ve done it it’s a numbers game so no point messing around.

Unless desperate for a shag and no one else will have him, no man is going to be dating a woman he doesn't remotely find attractive.

I fancied my husband the moment I met him . He’s exactly the sort of bloke I’ve always like physically .
He told me that he had seen me before in a
nightclub that I went to with my friends and went specifically that night as he wanted to speak to me and ask me out 🥺
He said that the more he spoke to me the more he liked me .
He came home with me that night and never left
We got married 3 months later and still together 20 years on
So for us definite instant attraction and I still fancy just as much now as I did back then