Is this me, and how do I fix it?

[HeresMyBrightIdea]

I'm worried that I'm turning into a bit of a recluse. I fill up with panic whenever friends invite me anywhere at the moment. I don't feel I can say no, I feel put on the spot when they ask if I'm free, and like I'm letting everyone down if I say no.
I've turned off all social media messages and don't answer the phone anymore...
I'm finding people's excitement and ideas about our wedding next year completely overwhelming and I don't know how to correct people. Every time we see anyone they've got new ideas or presumed something... I spent a week arguing that I didn't want a hen night, and now my best friend seems to have presumed she'll be walking me down the aisle, and someone has set up a Facebook group for our wedding plans

It's been a tough year. I'm self-employed and DP is out of work, despite trying his hardest. I need to lose weight, we've got a wedding to pay for, I'm scared of debt.

Is this normal? Is it me? I have both bipolar and severe anxiety but both have been unmedicated for years and have been fine. I started propanolol again last week to see if it helped, but I still feel tired and fed up of everyone. I just want to be at home with DP.

I should maybe add that I'm fine with DPs friends; who are lovely and generally just better at having boundaries and things...

Maybe I've just outgrown all of my friends, but what do I do now then?! Cancel it? Postpone? Just disappear?

(a) You can always say no
(b) "I'll need to check and get back to you"
(c) You aren't letting anyone down.

BUT withdrawing from contact like this is definitely a warning sign of poor mental health for me (and commonly). I don't know how long propanolol takes to start working but I'd be surprised if it's less than a week. Keep taking it and if you don't see any improvement go back to your GP.

I'm finding people's excitement and ideas about our wedding next year completely overwhelming and I don't know how to correct people. Every time we see anyone they've got new ideas or presumed something... I spent a week arguing that I didn't want a hen night, and now my best friend seems to have presumed she'll be walking me down the aisle, and someone has set up a Facebook group for our wedding plans

I would put a gentle but firm post on the Facebook group stating what you DO want, ie huge scale down, it’s YOUR wedding and you’ll be doing things as you like, not as your friends want. Then ask the owner of the group to delete it.

A big event like your wedding, no matter how small, an affair it will be, is guaranteed to unbalance you. Put some boundaries in place, you’ll be so much happier for it.

Good advice above. Also, I regularly feel like this with old friends though. Things like big birthdays and hen do's often highlight how different you are. How far away is the wedding? Could you maybe take a month where you don't see that set of friends and it might help you see things more clearly? They really aren't the most important part of this year. Don't let their ideas swamp your own. You don't have to dramatically cut them out but just really take your time and choose to do things how you want to. Most people will just fall in line with that. They just maybe aren't used to having to!

As you have bipolar I think you need to attend to your mental health as a matter or urgency - I'd see withdrawal from social contact as an indication that things are not so well, and you'd be better off heading it off at the pass than waiting for the crisis.

It sounds like you've had a lot of stressors in your life recently, understandably that will take its toll.